A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I began seeing a guy at the start of this year after meeting him on an online dating site. Now we immediately hit it off and in the back and forth of our conversation we figured out that he worked in the company I was just starting in. Things developed anyway and here we are 2 and half months down the line still seeing each other. I really enjoy his company and I would go as far to say that I do like and care about him quite a lot. But now, much to my dismay the texts are becoming less frequent. I called him out and asked if everything was okay with him and he assured me his "head is all over the place at the moment" now this was apparently due to a lot of partying he had done that weekend. And that's fine. But two weeks on, still the same.. texts every few days, always leaves me hanging in the conversation. Now foolishly I asked him where it was going 3 days ago and he got backed to me the next day (as he was partying) and said he wants to meet up to talk about it. Still not seen him Is this bad or good? Am I screwed? I don't think there is anyone else. I just think he may be fed up?Is this a lost cause or am I blowing it all out of proportion?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 March 2014):
 Agreed.. he's not as into you as you are into him.
and "lets me friends" is in the offing.
also "I'm not ready for a relationship (with you)" is coming.
he's not worth trying to make it work... but he might be a nice casual friend... NO SEX btw.
A
male
reader, methuselah  +, writes (13 March 2014):
Hi,
Just adding to the good advice already given. If I were you, I wouldn't wait around for the 'talk.' Don't elevate him, giving him special status. Don't contact now, and if he contacts again, just say you are 'washing your hair.'
If he wanted to talk about the you and him, he would value you and be serious about meeting up to talk. His response is just to go partying. That is not a serious action and disrespects your relationship.
Well, fine...go partying! But don't wait around anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2014): I can relate to your question. It is easy to see when you are not in the thick of it yourself. I am a woman who has been dating a guy for five months. He normally does not text during the week and I see him two to three weekends a month. Early on I got the hint that I had better be very low pressure with him. He's young, motivated, working, in school, animated and intelligent and not about to be pinned down. I find it difficult to wait around for the texts but at the same time, I have at times reached out to him and he usually reciprocates but it is highly evident he is taking as much space as he wants, he is not wanting to move to fast to the next level, he is fond of me but not obsessed and capable of great self discipline. I admire all of these qualities and I want to keep him seeing me so I am backing off again...even just a few extra texts can make you look needy and clingy. It is true that men do not like that. Your guy...well, let him go. Completely. No need to get together to get rejected in person. Just tell him you are busy if he asks. If he never reaches back out, he is not the one for you. But those of us who are sensitive and tend to fall hard and fast and feel insecure because we are drawn to more aloof types MUST constantly nurture ourselves and focus on our own development and comfort in being alone and eventually it will all work out for the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2014): OP I have nothing to add to what the others have said but to say "Now foolishly I asked him where it was going 3 days ago" asking that is never foolish.
Meet up and talk about it is bad.
OP "we need to talk" is the universal code for we're done. Especially when a person insists on that talk needing to be in person.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 I agree , not for the first time , with Honeypie. There is a " I am not ready for a relationship " speech in the offings. It's not that he is " fed up ", it is that you want to do a relationship-y ( or MORE relationship-y ) thing while he wants to party and enjoy his singlehood . ( And , perhaps, to see also other girls. You don't think there is anyone else ? Uhm. Maybe. But you met him on a dating site, OP, and the way you get them is the way you lose them ). If you fit easily in his schedule and lifestyle, fine- if there are efforts or adjustments on his side to make you fit, - he won't do them.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2014):
 He says he wants to met up and talk?
My guess is he will pull a "I'm not ready for a relationship- speech" not because of anything YOU have done but because he isn't as not you as you are into him.
2 1/2 months in and his contact is waning and it's usually because he is out partying? Yeah, he wants to stay single.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 Hi, don't let him treat you as a fall back plan. Don't sit around waiting for calls, messages or dates. Time to move on as it takes two to make a relationship work.
Why are you doing all the work? Let this go or you will most likely get hurt
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (12 March 2014):
 Sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. It's possible he likes someone else or is just not interested. Hopefully he gives you an answer soon. But try not to sit around waiting on him, keep an eye out for someone who won't mess you around.
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