A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm feeling a little upset and annoyed over something so your advice is appreciated.My mother in law has been widowed for the past 6 years and has always been very independent. Unfortunately over the past year her health has deteriorated so my husband and I decided its best she lives with us so we can take care of her. My mother in law is happy with this arrangement.What we planned to do was for my husband to work 3 days from home- his work is flexible and me to work 3 days a week Instead Of 5 (I'm unable to do my job from home) and the weekend we'd both be at home as we don't work them.I asked my manager if it was possible to have 2 days off a week- I wasn't worried which 2 days and explained the situation. He however was quite rude and said why couldn't we just put her in a care home and then laughed when i explained that a care home wasn't an option when we can do it ourselves and i don't want strangers looking after her and neither does she!Anyway, after 40 minutes of him lecturing me about whats best for the business and he doubted i could cut down my hours he said he'd let me know.4 days later he called me in the office and told me the best he could do was just half a day, each week and it was basically take it or leave it. I left it.When I discussed this with my husband we did some calculations and discovered that due to the sale of his mothers house and an insurance pay out, I could actually leave my job and then search for part time work at a later date.I went in this week and handed in my notice. My manger looked shocked and reluctantly accepted my resignation. This was at 10.30 in the morning. By 1pm I was in his office and he had agreed for me to have 2 days off a week!! I asked what had changed in 1 week seeing as he made out it was impossible and he just muttered something about making exceptions!I told him I would think about it as I don't know if I want to carry on working for such a person.I completely understand that a manager has to put 1st what's best for the company and had he just explained that professionally,without being rude I would have accepted it. I'm thinking of leaving and my husband says its up to me... Any advice?? I need to let him know Monday. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 March 2014):
 i agree you should take it and get it in writing.
the reason he changed his mind is because (IMO) he figured that you would say "oh well" and accept the half a day per week... he had NO clue you had the ability to say "no thank you"
so you "called his bluff" as it were.
granted he handled it badly but he may turn out to deal well with it. You can always leave at a later date if you must.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 March 2014):
 Get it in writing before you accept any such on the spur job re-offer.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 March 2014):
 Accept the offer and keep your job. Leaving would be strategically foolish.You know the job, you've established yourself AND you have improved your own bargaining position. Your boss now knows that when push comes to shove, you might walk. The fact that he accommodated you shows he thinks you're worth keeping.You don't know what the future holds and you don't know what other concessions you'll need down the road. By then you may not be able to afford to just walk away. This precedent (as long as you don't let it go to your head) will help you during those rough spots.You want to give that advantage up to start from the beginning somewhere else?So he wasn't as 'nice' as you would have liked. So what? He has a million worries of his own, not the least of which is providing for his own family, keeping customers happy and keeping you and others in a job. He shouldn't have to explain it at all, professionally or otherwise. You are more than old enough to figure these things out. If you're going to run off in a huff every time someone isn't as supportive or as friendly as you want them to be, then prepare to spend the rest of your life running. You're going encounter many people who won't make your feelings their priority.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): I think you should accept the offer and keep your job.
He couldn't promise you anything; because it was an unusual request. People sometimes make off-the-wall requests that aren't easy to pitch to higher management.
So his first tactic is to see if this is your only alternative. His job is to put business first. Sorry to say; but your personal problems aren't his concern. He's paid to run a tight ship, without employees putting kinks in the works.
He can't arbitrarily agree to your terms without running it by higher authority; and he has an obligation to discourage irregular arrangements with employees; because it becomes a precedence for others. You're being hasty and letting emotion get in the way of your business-sense. The point is to maintain income and still be at home to care for your mother-in-law.
YOU ARE REPLACEABLE! Jobs are hard to come by, and to keep.
Placing myself in the same situation; I might have been more empathetic and professional toward your request. However; management-styles vary, and he had every right to approach it as he felt he should.
Resigning because bosses are jerks might put a lot of people out of work. Things were apparently fine up to this particular incident.
He could have had second-thoughts, and went to bat for you.
So I think you need to bring your attitude down a notch.
He's the boss, and he didn't have to offer you anything.
Your husband left it up to you; deep down he hopes you keep your job and show your appreciation.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 I'd take it. I think that your boss, while not winning the price for office diplomacy and winning the one for " foot in mouth " boss of the year, was probably just tryng to make a point , in a clumsy way, which is : generally it's the employee who's supposed to arrange her things to fit in with job hours , requirements and policies,not viceversa . If you told him something like " I HAVE to take 2 days off a week because of such and such ... " he was basically saying: No, you don't " have to ". There are other ways , other possible solutions ; taking in a sick or older parent , as admirable as it is, does not automatically entitles you to special treatment.
Probably he was wary of creating a precedent based upon which anybody who's got a colicky baby, a hard-to-handle teen child, a bad break up , a clingy wife who feels all alone at home etc.etc. would ask to custom-tailor the work hours, and understandably he wants to discourage that.Sorry OP, I am not saying that you don't have excellent reasons to organize your life as you did , just that, as a boss, it's part of his job to make sure that he does not open the door to all kind of personal requirements wants and needs that , from a business point of view , should stay private and personal. In fact, frankly I think your boss sort of shoot himself in his foot by asking you to come back- what is he going to tell to, say, the next pregnant employee ?... Even with the healthiest, safest,easiest pregnancy , a pregnant woman may feel a little achy and tired and out of sorts, I bet that most pregnant women would JUMP at the opportunity to just work 3 days a week, rest the other two, and still be able to maintain their job . If a pregnant employee now tells him, hey, I thought I'll work only 3 days a week, and he says " no way, either in or out " - the employee is going to say " what about X then, she was allowed to do that " and kick up a big legal fuss.
I think that having an exception made just for you, and being asked to stay after you resigned, is a big compliment to you, a big show of appreciation, and the official admission of how valuable and almost unreplaceable you are to your company. Plus, having your boss eat his words and look like a wuss must be a big satisfaction :). I'd be content with that - you have obtained what you wanted to begin with, don't you, and it still makes more sense to keep earning some form of income rather than eating up the house's sale and/ or other savings, particularly since you don't know how long this is going to last and for how much time your MIL will need full time assistence.
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A
male
reader, massage +, writes (22 March 2014):
 First of all I want to applaud you for taking care of your mother in law. secondly, Your boss is rude, He shouldn't talk to you like that. it's rude for him to ask you to have your mother in law in a care home. Sometimes it's not just about business and money, it's about family and health, and other stuff. If you love your job stay. If he is known for turning your day into a living hell then leave. I would still think you should work and not lean on the house insurance and the money that you get for selling the house because that money doesn't last for long. save that money and someday use it for a nice project or a nice vacation...because you probably wouldn't take one for a while. Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (22 March 2014):
It really is up to you. A manager's job is to get the cheapest price for best quality. I think he didn't expect you to leave the job based on his offer. The reason why he gave into your demands now, is because it is very costly to replace someone with your level of experience and reliability. I don't think your manager was a complete jerk, as this is just how managers are meant to be.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (22 March 2014):
 Agreed - take it and see how it goes.
I'm guessing that even though this guy may be a jerk, overall you are well liked and highly valued as an employee at the company. *Someone*, whether it was him or one of HIS superiors, made the call to make an exception and keep you around. People don't do those extra things for employees they don't like or don't care about retaining.
If your manager acts vindictively towards you following this incident, or if the new arrangement turns out to be more trouble than it's worth, you can always just leave like you'd already planned on doing. The potential stress and demands of the home care situation would give you a perfect "reason" to bow out gracefully even after the concession he's made; should you still wish to leave after a trial period, you can just let him know that the time commitment has turned out to be even more than anticipated.
Good on you for not just putting your MIL in a home, by the way!
Best wishes to you and your family.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2014):
 I would accept the deal (for now) see how it goes with the boss. Jobs don't grow on trees these days.
My guess is he was mad because he was losing a good employee so he tried to BULLY you into doing as HE saw fit. Want to bet if it was HIS mother he would NOT have been so callous? And maybe he got TOLD from higher up that it was acceptable.
Save the money from your MIL house sale. Always good to have those rainy day saving.
YOU are doing the right thing for YOUR family, screw (to put it mildly) what your manager thinks.
IF however your manager/boss turns out to be a total dick (pardon my English) at work, then resign for good and look for another job.
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