A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21 years old, and I'm interested in this 16 year old girl. I've known her casually for a couple of weeks. We both work at the same workplace at the moment where she is part time waitressing and I'm full time on the bar.She's definitely interested in me and she started off all of and is now heading the flirting whether at work subtly, through text or IM, she compliments me a lot and I only do in small doses as I'm not sure what's okay to say and I don't want to overstep any boundaries or seem weird. It's the biggest age gap I've ever had to deal with and I know that I'd even be breaking the "1/2 your age + 7" rule by a full year! I asked her about it, saying I wasn't sure how to deal with flirting with the age difference, it doesn't bother her at all and she even told me to calm down and just go with it. She acted incredibly maturely and even said that it didn't bother her but that she wanted to know if it bothered me because she cared about my thoughts on the whole thing. I was surprised at her level maturity if anything.When I was 19, I dated a 16 year old, and it went horribly. But I think that was more that she had her own issues and not a matter of maturity. (Though her being 16 didn't help I'm sure.)That being said, these are my reasons for telling myself to go for it.1) She's had some relationships, not as many as me but some experience. (I haven't been with too many girls myself.)2) She seems pretty mature for her age, which is part of why I'm attracted to her. Of course, she's a gorgeous girl too, which always makes it easy!3) If I ask myself what I'm honestly looking for, it isn't sex, which is usually what people have a problem with. I'd genuinely like to date her as she's seem really nice and good to just talk to and have fun with. However I do know that if we were dating for a while, I'd definitely have a hard time holding back from going for a physical relationship as well.I guess it more a matter of, does it bother me? Which honestly, I'm not sure it does as it's only my own conscience I have to deal with, nobody else's.So what does everyone else think? I really want to hear both sides. Hell, even some advice would be nice.Thanks!
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female
reader, alexsaphire  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 I was in the exact same problem but switched he was 23 I was 13 we never did anything but came close when the truth came out he almost went to jail and slapped with the s.o. for life I was emotionally unstable cause of it so coming from experience don't do it its for the best you will only hurt her and yourself if you do please take my advise
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): Nope. Don't do it. Wait till she's 18, if you both of you are still interested, then you can go for it.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 March 2014):
 Also - she probably still goes to school. She probably has GCSE's coming up in the summer.
DO you seriously want to date someone who in 3 months time will not be allowed out of the house because she has homework and revision to do?
Her parents would not like it if you were constantly trying to take her out and distract her from her school work.
I don't know if you have been to university, but she still has a lot of education to go. A levels, degree.... she has a whole lot more growing up to do.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 March 2014):
Ok.. let's look at some facts.
At 16, she is not mature. 16 year olds girls are very good at 'pretending' to be mature. They dress in a certain way, slap on makeup, and try their best to get the attention of older men. Because they are grown up and mature. obviously. They want the thrill of being able to brag to their classmates about their 'mature' man that they are dating. he has a car, he takes them out, which makes them sooo much better than all their friends. It is a massive status boost and ego boost for a 16 year old girl. It gets them street cred.
A 16 year old girl will say or do anything if they think it will make them look 21+.
Please understand she is probably overstating her sexual and romantic experience in order to make herself seem more appealing to the older man (you). She is probably very inexperienced and this is all bravado to make herself look more mature.
So let's say you did ask her out and go on a date.
Where would you take her?
She is only 16. This limits your choices of date location.
You couldn't go to a club/bar/pub. She isn't 18.
You couldn't go to the cinema and see an 18 rated film.
Legally she shouldn't be drinking.
Where would you take her? What do you like to do on a Saturday night with your friends? Could she come along or would she be too young?
What about the romantic stuff? So you start kissing and getting intimate.... how far/fast do you push it? What if she turns round and says... actually I am a virgin?
How would you feel?
At 16 girls are still very very young. They are children. She may be over the legal age of consent, but 2 years under the age of 18, where she becomes an ADULT.
She is 16 - she is a CHILD.
They cannot vote.
They cannot drive.
They cannot legally buy alcohol or tobacco.
They cannot see an 18 rated film.
They cannot go to clubs or bars.
Think how mature you were at 16. How different do you think/behave now?
You are looking at her body, which is far more mature than her brain.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 March 2014):
 To heck with your "1/2 +7" rule!!! SHE is still (really!) a child... and you are an adult. IN many states there are statutes (laws) that will make your contact with her ILLEGAL... and subject you to sanctions that you really don't want to learn about....
I suggest you behave politely toward and with her... and recognize that that ("polite") is the limit of what should "go on" between the two of you.....
Incidentally, you also face the question of your workplace frowning upon such fraternization.... and you may put your job at-risk if you're Hell-bent on this pursuit...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 March 2014):
 Why not cut to the chase and see whether her parents will allow you to date their daughter?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): A 16-year-old is "of age" in the UK. It isn't illegal. I really don't see the issue. Maybe she is mature. Maybe she just wants you to believe she is. But if you both like each other, it's not hurting anyone to give things a go, provided she doesn't have emotional issues and you aren't trying to control her.
If only society could become less immediately judgemental. It's subject to variation between individuals, in terms of whether age defines them. The only real issue I see is that legally she's not yet considered an adult. Some people may find that weird. But you can choose to care about that as much or as little as you want.
"Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90. Time is a concept that humans created." — Yoko Ono
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2014):
 Of course at 16 she says she is not concerned.. .she is an emotional child in a woman's body and has a mad attraction to an older man.
let's start with at 21 if you are sexual with a 16 yr old you will become a sex offender. That sticks with you FOREVER...
Also at 16 she thinks she's an adult and trust me she is not. She may be a mature 16 yr old but she's far from an adult even if she looks like one.
And being FRIENDS is one thing... but I would strongly advise you if you want to "date" her that you wait to date her till she is 18.... two years can make a huge difference in maturity level.
Also if you do become FRIENDS... DO NOT set up anything where you could be physical with her... she will probably do her best to entice you and since you find her attractive your hormones will probably get the best of you too... and it could end in disaster on several levels.
DO NOT KID YOURSELF a 16 yr old GIRL ONLY LOOKS the part of a mature woman... inside she's still a fragile girl, figuring out what's going on in her world.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2014):
 I don't think is a good idea. A 5 year age gap does not carry the same weight at all ages. It would be nothing troubling if she were 20 and you 25 , and not even worth mrntioning if she were 25 and you 30, but she 16 and you 21 ? Uhm. It weirds me out,- which does not matter of course, but it would also weird out many guys your same age ( notwithstanding the strictly physical attraction ).
At this stage and age you are two totally different people, inhabiting really two different planets. She may seem " mature " , maybe, but just because she does not like Justin Bieber or the Vampires saga, that does not mean that with you she would not bite more than she can chew. At her age , I was " mature ", in the sense that I was reading - and understanding -Schopenauer ,rather than comics ; nevertheless I was not emotionally and psychologically ready to handle an adult relationship with a young ADULT.
If I were you, I'd spend a few moments asking me what's the attraction, ( beside the physical one ), what pulls me toward a girl that many if not most guys your age would only see as a little sister( probably an obnoxious one, too ). Maybe you are a bit insecure when it comes to women in your age range ? maybe you like to be the one " in charge " in the relationship ? maybe you think that a young one will be lower maintenance and will make less demands on YOUR level of maturity ?.. Who knows. Think about it.
Said all that, in your country the age of sexual consent is 16, so if you are going to have sex with her, at least you are not breaking any law. But, not always what's legal also is - and feels- right....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): To be honest, in the future, I wouldn't be happy with my 16 year old daughter (or son) dating a 21 year old because you are and adult and she is a child. Whilst she's legally old enough to consent, she could easily be putting on a mature front so you'll forget or discard how young she really is.I guess I would also wonder why you'd want to date someone who isn't old enough to vote, drive or drink legally.I don't think you're wrong for considering it, but I do think it's a bad idea and you should stop allowing her to flirt with you. If she was 18 and you were 23, I'd feel differently.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2014): I dated at 16 a much older guy, did not work out. I am not saying it will be the same, if you like her, ask her out, just be nice as 16 is a tender age and can leave a lasting impression (good or bad) especially if you break her trust and heart. Try not take the relationship to a physical level as at that age she is experimental and could end up feeling used. Just be nice and take things slowly, you should be fine.
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