A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. I am 6 months pregnant and my parents have given me and my husband some money, so we can buy a house together. We have found a place and have applied for our mortgage, we are hoping to exchange contracts by the end of august. We are currently renting. My husband is really bad at managing his money, and its got so bad that for the last few months I've had to keep his debit/credit card to prevent him spending all of his wages as soon as he gets paid (and the end of the moneth he has no money left to buy food or pay his half of the bills). He is constantly moody (even before I realised he'd was having money problems) and if we go out and do anything together, even if its a walk in the park with the dog - we will be arguing within 20 minutes!When I ask him to help around the house, he complains he is tired from work and will only help out if I really pressurise him. I'm prgenant and holding down a job but I still manage! If I wasn't pregnant and married I'm not sure if I would still be living with him. I know that he will make a good dad, and I know that he loves me. I want it to work, especially for our unborn babies sake. But at the same time part of me thinks that he is never going to change (we've been together 7 years) and if I buy a house with him, 6 months down the line if I do decide to leave him its going to be really difficult. Should I buy this house with him, and try to make this marriage work? should I cancel the house purchase and just see how it goes and what its like when the baby arrives? or should I look for somewhere else to live now without him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 If you will be able to afford the house when the marriage ends then do it.
IF not don't buy the house.
As for the money.. I am a lousy money manager. I married my husband partially because he is a good money manager but we fight more about money than anything.
IF he is willing to have his check deposited into a joint account (where he can not take out money without your consent) then I would do that and put him on a CASH allowance daily.... it's childish but some of us can't cope with it any other way. My BFF does this with her husband of 20 years..... he's "allowed" to keep what he earns on his side jobs, but his primary income (was a paycheck is now retirement income) goes to their joint account but he has no access to it without her approval (as they agreed)
For us what works is that He writes the budget, I pay the bills... and EVERY friday we sit down and share all our receipts from the week.... and sometimes he gets testy with me about it. But I have learned not to buy things spur of the moment because that means returning it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): Dont do it, a house is a huge financial commitment and if he is as bad as you say you will lose the house and all the deposit will be wasted! You will end up homeless.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2013): I'm with ' Cindy cares here ' .. I'm a mental health nurse also have a degree in cosca counseling and remit means that I work with many different circumstances and lot of people who are in debt, struggling with stress and mental health issues due to the precursor of just the debt itself.From what you posted marriage at the minute and living full time together means .. You holding the purse strings managing the money .. Giving him monthly what is felt a reasonable allowance .. His moodiness and lack of pep ( energy) suggests to me someone who struggles with himself? Does he gamble? Drink ? Whatever the reason moving in together will not cure this .. It will only intensify it.Advice.Explain to your parents that you cannot move into a house together, explain in detail what you have put here. You need support Nd stress free wnvironment as much as possible . This will not happen if you move..Ask your parents if they are willing for you to stay with them a while longer or could you use the deposit for a flat.. Me, I would rather my daughters were at home .A baby is joyful fun amazing lil bundle of joy .. That saps your energy and is constantly wanting and demanding .. You need no extra pressure as a new mummy .. So ask them can you stay .. Please tell them the truth .. Only by being open they will see the situation you are in..Then arrange some debt advice.. Tell your hubby this is the way forward for You and the baby and him as a family unit .. Also get some couple counseling .. It may be that he is depressed and therefore that is why he is moody. Then next stop is to his gp who will give him all the advice and support you both need to fix this out .You need to priority .. You and the baby and hubby will need to do whatever it takes in my book to make this happen .. And As Cindy says only when you have worked through these issues then get a house together..Take care and big congratulations on you and little bump x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 I can't say I am that optimistic, because if you have known this guy since 7 years and he has always been like this, it won't be wearing a wedding band on his finger which will change him. Tbh, I am also a bit skeptical that he will make such a great dad, a dad that blows his wages the first week to find himself unable to provide the basics for himself and his family by the end of the month, IMO does not qualify for best dad of the year award. But, it is also true that some times becoming a parent is a big wake up call that gets people rid of their immaturity and makes them responsible persons, so let's hope this is the case.
Only, you cannot know yet, and , until the situation is rocky and the foundations shaky, I would definitely hold back with the purchase of the house. As you are aware, it would make things much more complicated in case of an eventual separation.
So, it makes sense that FIRST you try to work things out and make this marriage function, THEN , if you are successful, and confident that the situation has stabilized, you buy the house. For the moment, sure , give it another try, if nothing else because you are having a child together - but keep renting.
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