A
female
age
41-50,
*illary30
writes:Hi everyone,It's been a long long time since I've used this page! But I thought this would be a useful and important time to use it. I'm currently in a relationship and it's very complicated. A lot of people say I should just get out but it's easier said than done. I currently live in Poland as a foreigner and I've been dating a local for quite some time now, 5 months. To be honest I'm surprised its lasted this long because its been a roller coaster ride. My boyfriend is quite unpredictable in his behavior and is known to be an asshole sometimes, standing me up or turning off his phone, etc. anyway, it's sad to say but ill be leaving Poland in about a week's time. We've talked about continuing our relationship and having long distance but I don't know if I can trust that he'll be faithful to me for the whole time. He said I'm the only one and he loves me. Anyway the main problem lately is that he is not interested in sex. When I asked him about it he said its because I'm leaving and he's going a bit crazy. But does that make uninterested in sex?? I also sort of asked if there's someone else because a lot of the time that happens when a guy loses interest. This time i asked and he got so angry, said im crazy and walked out. He said no way. I guess my question is what should I do? There's obviously a few problems I need to sort out. Many would say just leave him to save the heartache but he can be a good guy. Please Help!!
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long distance, not interested in sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): Hi girls, thanks for your responses. But I have to say, I don't necessarily agree with them. Yes we've had our problems. What relationship doesn't? But the issue involving sex has actually dissipated and doesn't even really exist anymore, I mean we are intimate just not as often as before. I'm going through some moments right now actually where I'm really emotional because I know that my time is coming very soon when I have to say goodbye to him. And frankly I'm not ready to. He's said that he wants to work on our relationship while I'm away and I want to trust that. I'm not going to say no to him without even giving it a shot. Then I would never know. So this is what I'm thinking now. Time will tell.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I would just end it and not try to be LDR...
LDR sucks and it's worse when there are already issues.
You already have issues with him with trust and him behaving badly... he's given you a great reason for lack of sex... agree with him and move on.
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A
female
reader, Hillary30 +, writes (4 July 2013):
Hillary30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear CindyCares,Thank you for your reply. You definitely have a lot of points, many of which my own friends say. I guess it's just hard to say when you're actually in the relationship. It's not ALL bad....most of the time when we're together, we're actually very happy. I only intended to come here for 6 months, and fulfill my contract and then leave. I never thought I'd meet someone, but most of the time that's what happens. I thought that when I'd leave, he wouldn't want to bother trying to work it out but he has said he does. He's said that he wants to talk via Skype, see each other every couple of months, and so on. I'm not sure whether he really means it but I feel like I should believe in it. Part of the reason why I love his company so much is because of his unpredictability. It's been a roller coaster, but a fun one at times too. As I said to him once before, if we're meant to be together, then time will tell. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to say how it is without being in the relationship itself, but I will leave and see what happens and won't have any expectations...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 It's banal , but.. just leave him.
I think his explanation for lack of sex drive is acceptable, it could certainly be true that he is sad you are leaving , and a sad person is not a horny person, but, whether it's true or a lie, it does not make any difference.
All this love story unfolded in... all of 5 months, and already it has been a roller coaster, with ups and downs etc. IN the first 5 months ?! when it's total honeymoon stage yet , and people can't even think of differences and problems they may have along the way, all they want is... to be together ?
And he is already been elusive and unpredicatable ?.... Bad sign.
Second, what's the point of an LDR that does not come with a plan for NOT being an LDR anymore ? Did you talk about who's relocating, where and when ? Do you know how long the LDR would last, how often you could see each other in the meantime, who would be travelling, could you afford it , how would you share the costs etc... ?
You need to have a detailed plan, otherwise if the general idea is to just chat on PC... and someday love will conquer all, forget about it and leave this stuff to teen kids. Plus, the main ingredent for an LDR is total mutual TRUST, and if you already, before leaving, have trust issues ( justified or not, does not make a big difference ) why do you want to bother, you are just signing up voluntarily for anger , jealousy , anxiety and resentment.
Try to think of this as a wonderful, exciting, romantic ADVENTURE - a travel romance whose memories you'll cherish- and move on with your life.
If you try and cling nails and teeth, I've got the feeling it's going to turn sour, and you won't even have the beautiful memories.
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