A
female
age
41-50,
*ir
writes:ok, I have been cutting a client/guys hair for a many yrs, and his kids too. after he got separated from his wife, not divorced yet,about 5mo, he asked me out.btw he has full custody of his kids. it was a whirlwind relationship, for 3mo we were all about each other, after 2 mo i agreed to be around his kids in that way. too make a long story short,he broke it off. 7wks later got back together, but it changed, it was on and off. we have since broke up and got back together, this is now the 4th time over a yr and a half. ok, we didnt talk for 5mo, however i was still doing his hair, which made it hard for me to move on. he asked me out again,i accepted it on his terms, kinda off and on. couple wks later, i told him i could not do off and on. so..we were doing good for 2wks, i even hung out with his kids. then nothing..no call/text for 5 days. i told him i need a more involved relationship and i can not see him or cut his hair for now. then he told me he loved me but could not be in a relationship now. my question: by leaving him completely, will that make a guy come back?
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female
reader, nir +, writes (18 July 2013):
nir is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your responds, totally appreciate them. I know all of you are right, but i cant help thinking i made a mistake. im sure this is part of the grieving stages (i hope) and i wont do anything stupid, like call/text him. im trying to believe that if he really did love me, he would be back, not anytime soon, im sure.but im trying to move on, this only happened 1week ago today. hearing all of your responses really helps, thanks again.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2013):
 It's won't make him come back but it will give you closure.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 I agree with Honey 100%
Dating men who are just out of long term/marriage is a BAD idea unless you just want a bit of whirlwind and a quick thrill. There is no way that these men want to get back into long term so soon after getting out of one and they will either play the feild or stay single until they decide to settle again.
He may really like you, he may even think he loves you but you just met him at the wrong time and right now he is unstable relationship wise so it's best to let him go, because he isn't going to be what you want him to be and that's why he's been so flaky.
I know it's dissapointing and you are hanging your hopes on each little bit of affection or attention he gives. You see his constant returning as a sign he wants to be with you but you need to understand that he is majorly 'on the run' right now and hopping in and out of your life is just his way of boosting his ego...You are proof to him that he's still 'got it'...but you are not 'the one'.
Ask him to go get his hair cut somewhere else or have it done on a day you arn't in work.
How long will he play you like this?...for as long as it takes for him to find someone he likes better!!...and he will probably be a flake with her too.
How do I know this? Because I had almost an identical experience with a guy I dated on and off for 3 years and I also have a lot of friends who have been through similar.
Let him go and get yourself back on the dating scene, because you need a man who is emotionally available and won't mess you around.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2013):
 Frankly, I don't think so, I mean, it could work if the guy was really interested yet there has been some crisis or misunderstanding.... but ,if it's always on and off,on his terms and preference- he is not that interested to begin with, it's a matter of convenience and whims for him. He keeps you around until you are low maintenance , when you start making demands, he's gone.
Be true to your word, you said you can't and don't want to do on and off ? Then don't. Leave Mr. On and Off alone, send him to bug someone else, and seek a man with less baggage and less committment issues.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2013):
 He is still dealing with the ending of his marriage, so you were the ego-boost/rebound chick to him.
Honestly, I would end it totally. This on and off is ridiculous. What's the point for it? Sex with a familiar person? Hang out with a familiar face?
Why waste your time?
He doesn't KNOW what he wants (other then to use you for booty calls when ever it suits HIM) so what are YOU doing?
I would also question the "I love you" I think (and not to be cruel) that he said it because that is what he thought you WANTED to hear. That if he said that you would be OK playing this on/off game some more.
Unless you LIKE this game, cut him off and out of your life. Will it make him come back? Maybe, but I wouldn't count on him all of a sudden man up and WANT to be with you in a relationship. HE isn't READY.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 July 2013):
It'll work better than any other option, but there's no guarantee. The worst case scenario is that you leave him, he doesn't come back, but you are able to get over him once and for all.
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