A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for opinions here.What do men think when they see a woman wearing a bikini who is not that skinny, and does not have big boobs? Do you look at her and think "gross", or do you respect her for still having the confidence to wear one? Would you still check her out despite her not having a fantastic body? The reason I ask is because I'm going to be wearing one soon while around a lot of people. I'm not fat by any means, nor am I even chubby. I'm built kind of funny actually. I have small boobs, thick upper arms (not flabby, just a little thick). That's genetic, and I can't change it. My stomach could stand to be a bit more toned, but I have always had a little bit of pudge in the mid section, even when I was a skinny kid. (In my mid twenties now). I also have thin legs, narrow hips, and a small butt. So yeah, not the ideal bikini body. Will men (or women) judge me? Yes, I care what people think. I've tried not to but honestly, it doesn't work for me. So please no comments about how I shouldn't care what others think, because its not helpful to me. Thoughts on this, please?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2013):
 If you are going to worry that folks will talk, then don't wear it... once you get to be "of a certain age" you no longer CARE what others think and can do as you please.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): The reality is people will judge no matter what kind of body you have. Unless you remain in a bubble there is no getting around it in life.What you can do is wear a swim suit that flatters your body shape and feel confident wearing it! Who's to say what exactly is a bikini body anyway? You could ask 10 people that question and you would probably get 10 different answers...everybody has different tastes and what they are attracted to, so don't worry about what someone is thinking when they see you, because the one who sees you and is attracted to you will be the one you want to get to know, right? Go have fun and let that confidence shine! That's what will stand out and people will notice and be drawn to.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 The imperfections you describe do not sound so dramatic or eyecatching to draw lots of attention. Since maybe 1% of the women have the perfect bikini body, you'll be more or less on par with all the other imperfect 99%. Some of us have thick arms, and some have nice arms but thick legs, and others, nice legs but big butts, and so on and so forth ad infinitum.
But, the problem is, that this is the truth, but not your truth. You don't believe it. You actually believe that a whole beach or swimming pool will be pointing binoculars at you , elbowing each other to remark any little flaw of every inch of your body.
In this case, no, I would not wear a bikini, if you DO care so much about the impression you make on people. Until you haven't mustered a tiny little bit of self confidence , that would be an ordeal for you. You would be miserable showing your ( young, medium sized and proportioned - How bad can it be ?! ) body in a bikini, and you would be too self conscious to really enjoy your day.
...You'll have to snap out of this frame of mind sooner or later, but... until you haven't done some little progress in that direction, perhaps I would stick to a nice one piece bathing suit .
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 I say go for it! Some people with talk but that's all they can do right? As long as you feel good in your bikini, nothing else should matter. Bikini's are made for all shapes and sizes, why? TO BE WORN BY ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.
Put on that bikini and hit thE beach!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Oh and if I could go back to my 20-something-self, I would totally tell her to wear the damn bikini. Her view on her body is totally skewed by over-exposure to media and to self-judgment which doesn't correspond with reality.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2013):
Okay, here's a deep dark hidden secret in life. Some people will always judge. Some people will always look for the flaws, the inaccuracies, the weaknesses, the imperfect. They are judgmental, and derive their power to hurt others from people who have given them permission to do so.
Those people will judge you. They will.
Now, if you decide that you can never ever under any circumstances do something where someone will judge you, you had better find a huge rock. Move in under that rock and never leave.
On the other hand, it's a lot more fun to live in a world where you can ignore the judgmental types, you just go on and do what you want and when you are really really old, like my age, (50+) you will look back and be thankful you had the insight to know that what other people think about you makes about 0.000000000000000000009 difference in your life.
Wear your bikini, your body sounds like a very nice body, it's YOUR body and it's perfect.
Go for it.
And stop living in the county known as Scaredy Cat. It's not a nice neighborhood.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Hell, just wear the bikini, you'll find out fast enough. Enjoy the beach, I know I do.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 July 2013):
 What percentage of people would you say have the perfect bikini body. 1%? 5%? We can't all look like Miranda Kerr! You sound like you have a great body. You know what? Most guys I've met love a little squishiness around their ladies' stomachs. I am quite thin and work out an hour a day, 2.5 hours on weekends, and I STILL have a pretty sizeable pooch on my belly. It jiggles when I move suddenly and gets muffin top type things, it happens. Every boyfriend I've ever had has specifically commented on how feminine it is. It's OK TO HAVE JIGGLE, it's OK to be bony, it's OK to have cellulite or stretch marks, or be short or have broader shoulders than your waist or whatever you think are your "imperfections." No one is perfect and no one expects you to be perfect!
We are our own harshest critics. When you go to that beach in your bathing suit, there will be lots of guys thinking you look awesome. They aren't going to "respect" you for having the strength to go out despite your flaws, they are going to be like "oh look an attractive woman in a bikini. Hells yes!" You are being WAY too hard on yourself and it makes me so sad to hear someone so down because they aren't perfect.
I never really much respected people who "don't care what anyone thinks" because frankly, a) I don't believe them, and b) do they really not care what say, their best friend thinks? That doesn't sound like anyone I would want to talk to who just does what they want regardless of its impact on others. It's OK to care what people think, you just can't base you life around it.
Before you go to the beach you should do this exercise every single day. Pull your shoulders back, stick your chest out, and straighten your neck up as tall as it will go. It will likely feel comical and like you're a pompous jerk, but try it in the mirror and you'll see it just looks like good posture. Then walk around saying something positive like "I'm sexy" or something. If you can do that for a few days, it will boost your confidence. Really.
Also be sure to check out this website. You can see that all women have "flaws." Are they really "flaws" if we all have them? I think not!
http://www.mybodygallery.com/
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A
female
reader, miss_nancy183  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Some may judge, you can't help that but if you are wearing the bikini with confidence then that always helps so much. If people see a not perfect person wearing a bikini but still showing confidence then they will overlook your flaws and see your lovely confidence shining through. And it may seem hard to show confidence if you are self-conscious so the best thing to do... Fake it, till you make it. You don't have to have confidence to look confident.Hope this helps.
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