A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:How can I get my boyfriend to give me oral sex?He's a virgin and I have accepted that he wants to wait and is too scared to have sex. I will wait for him to make the move to full intercourse. But in our sexual contact everything seems one sided - me trying to warm him up with kisses and carresses and romantic baths and massages and then giving him an oral orgasm. I feel left out and I find this unfair considering I am waiting for him to decide when he wants to make the next move.I don't mind waiting for intercourse but part of my needs of a relationship are sexual and I would thoroughly enjoy some kind of foreplay or oral sex from him. I've tried subtley asking but he always seems touchy and sensitive about it and changes the subject. I don't want to leave himbecause of this but I need some kind of sexual aspect to the relationship, even if it isn't sex until he wants it to be. What can I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I love Tisha's post... because if the roles were reversed we would be telling a boy not to push a girl.... so here I am telling you not to push him
and it it's true that you want and he does not and you have posted numerous times about this.. then yes breaking up seems to be the best option if you are going to pressure him.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Stop with ALL sex til he is ready. IF he isn't ready for penetrative sex then why PUSH for oral?
Stop giving him head basically.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 July 2013):
 I agree that teen boys aren't very good with subtle hints, but I disagree that you should be more forceful in asserting your wants and needs.
Not that you don't have the right to the healthy ex prod ercise of your sexuality- but with another guy. Not this one. If he does not want, is not ready, it's too scared or whatever , you just let him be. That's the rule for both genders. You nver push pester pressure for sex. We are always quick to call " jerks " the guys who do that, and often with good cause ,... you would not want to be a jerkette right ?
It feels unbalanced because, I suspect , you MAKE it unbalanced. All this major production, all this playing geisha, ..because you are horny and hope to get something out for you off all these attentions. For all you know, he might be perfectly fine just kissing cuddling and holding hands like other not sexually active couples your age ( yes, there are still many, even in this day and age :). Well, an erect penis is not the most judicious , self controlling creature in the world, so it won't say " No " to a blow job. But, you should just stop offering.
There's two of you, and if you really like the guy and want to stay with him, you must make sure you keep things at a sexual and sensual level that 's comfortable for him too. The very fact that he changes subject when you bring up certain things, shows he is not comfortable. Probably he does not even know how to say no when you come on so strong to him, but ... he'd be fine with a less sexually charged atmosphere.
You may object : But I would not be. My sexual gratification is important to me, and I am entitled to seek it.
Good point. But, again, probably not with this guy. You'll have a hard choice in front of you : either you like the guy so much that you accept to WAIT until he feels it's time to become intimate.
Or ( perfectly valid posistion, particularly at your age and this not being,99%, a forever type of relationship ) you say heck no, I have needs and they have to be met.
And you dump the guy , and look for someone else more sexually compatible with you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 July 2013):
 "How can I get my girlfriend to give me oral sex?She's a virgin and I have accepted that she wants to wait and is too scared to have sex. I will wait for ehr to make the move to full intercourse. But in our sexual contact everything seems one sided - me trying to warm her up with kisses and carresses and romantic baths and massages and then giving her an oral orgasm. I feel left out and I find this unfair considering I am waiting for her to decide when she wants to make the next move.I don't mind waiting for intercourse but part of my needs of a relationship are sexual and I would thoroughly enjoy some kind of foreplay or oral sex from her. I've tried subtley asking buts she always seems touchy and sensitive about it and changes the subject. I don't want to leave her because of this but I need some kind of sexual aspect to the relationship, even if it isn't sex until she wants it to be. What can I do?"---I've changed the gender in your question just to help me and possibly other aunts to answer it.So you have sexual needs and expectations but you are with someone who is "too scared" to have sex. You are with the wrong person at this point in time.If your needs in a relationship involve sexual activity and the person you have chosen as a partner is "too scared" to have sex, you have a disconnect and someone will have to do something that is unpleasant or unwanted.What can you do?End the relationship, go to being friends with this person and find someone with whom you can be fully sexual.You can't make someone do something sexual that they aren't ready to do. You two simply aren't sexually compatible at this point in time. Let him go for now.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 July 2013):
 I think it might be time for some "tough love." I.e. you take before you give. Maybe he's uneasy going down on you for now, OK, why not use his fingers? If you've been giving him blowjobs, it's about time he gave you SOMETHING in return because you aren't a sex toy. It sounds like he's probably mostly shy and inexperienced, but next time he asks for a blow job, you should just say "me first." If he's not keen on oral, guide his hand there instead. He is obviously understanding your hints, but you won't be able to fix it without you being more up front about your needs.
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