A
male
age
36-40,
*onystarkben
writes:I met a girl in a bar last week and we hit it off - I am 25 and she is 22.I gave her my number and she got in touch with me. We had dinner on Tuesday and she said it was the nicest date she ever had. I stayed at her house after and took to work the next morning.We have spoken everyday and she said she told her parents about me and how lovely I am.She invited me to a bar last night but I had a work dinner but I said I could meet her after and take her home if she wanted? She said she would like that. She said she was going with her friends.I got home last night at midnight and made sure I stayed awake and took a shower , left my house about 2am.I got the the bar just before 3am ( was about 50 minutes drive) and sent her a text to say I was here.She sent me a reply saying " oh iy's okay now, I can get a lift home with my friend".I told her I came out especially for her but it was okay, I will just leave. She then said to me " I can come with you, if you want?I know this sounds silly, of course I wanted her to, but I wanted HER to want to see me, you know?I decided to get a drink from McDonalds ( next to the bar) and said I would be here for a few minutes if she wanted to come and say hello.I waited about 10 more minutes and just left. I got home just before 4am and she messaged me asking where I was. I told her I didn't hear back so I went home. She said sorry, and that her friend got in a fight.I just sent back saying "ok x "I haven't heard anything from her today and I think i'm just going to leave it and not contact her. I thought she may at least call or message me saying sorry but nothing.Just a little weird as we were getting on so well but I think she's been rude doing this. Would you feel the same or am I over reacting?thanks :)
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (7 July 2013):
Dear OP,
I would say you let her down first, by showing up so late. She might have organised someone to take her home because she was afraid you wouldn't show up, after all. And when you texted, she offered to come with you. And after you went home, she first asked where you were and then said she was sorry. So? She doesn't sound like a bitchy person, it just sounds like a badly planned evening with some miscommunication. Call her and see if you can set things straight and continue dating, it sounds like it would be a pity to stop here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): You wanted to play it cool, so you did. I just want to say that we women like when a man is straightforward and persistent. This wooshy mooshy behavour is never appreciated by us. I just came back from a beach. One guy was staring at me for at least an hour. Said nothing, never came up to me. Everytime I turned my head I saw him staring at me. He didn't even smiled, if he did I would smile back and we would talk. I liked him, he had a nice face and body. Then I heard behind my back: ciao, bella. I couldn't even understand who said that, but when I turned around I saw him behind my back leaving the beach. I didn't even have time to answer. He obviously went out of his way to come up where I was sitting and behind my back said goodby. See, this is ridiculous behavour. He obviously liked me, but played it cool or didn't have the courage to come up and lost a date.What you did is first illogical. Why did you not come into the bar to meet her friends? She invited you, wright?Why did you leave after driving all this time? Why didn't you do what you wanted to do, and that was to see her? She may be at 3 am was buzzed, couldn't clearly knew how much time passed. This kind of behavour will never be rewarded, it's just make no sense to women why you guys act this way. I just want to give another example. I am traveling right now, and don't mind little adventures. Before Italy I went to another country, and while I was talking to a front desk person, I saw one cute guy smiling at me. He followed me to the elevator, and not loosing a second after he asked where I am from, asked me out. That was fast, I thought, but I liked it, he was cute. 8 pm, he said. It just happened our rooms were across from each other. I was exhausted, and when he nocked at my door at 8, I was asleep. He gave me half an hour, when I came out, he said, I am beatifull. I said I can't walk, my feet are all blistered. He took a taxi. We went for a drink, then dinner, then jazz, then taxi again to hotel. I spend 4 wonderfull hours with him. He told me he wants to stay with me that night. And this what happened. And it was wonderfull. He didn't play any games. He knew what he wanted, and he told me about it. His intentions were clear from the beginning, and if I said no, he would be sad, but he would survive. Your are playing little games, you don't do what you want, give her another chance, but this time be sure she knows you want to be with her.
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A
male
reader, adaminio +, writes (6 July 2013):
If I arranged to meet a girl, and when I got their she said oh its ok i can get a lift off a mate, I would think oh right thanks for letting me drive here for no reason.. but did you tell her that night you was on your way? Also if I met a girl at a bar. and she invited me back that night I wouldn't count her as gf material mate.
She is playing cool because you went grumpy that she didn't see you BUT if she did come out to see you and you had gone she will be grumpy. I think it was a Mis comunication issue if you like her give it another go.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 Sounds more like a misunderstanding. Less texting more talking, maybe? Am going to have to say I largely agree with @chigirl.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I think you're playing too hard to get. Really. You are trying for mind games and such things are for young immature teenagers, not adults. She told you she was okay and could go home with someone else, and then you got snubbed and just said you'd leave? Why? You came all that way to see her, it means you actually did want to see her, right? So why did you say it was fine, and that you'd just go home right away? I mean, that's not what you wanted, you wanted to stay with her, right?
Also, her comment about coming home with you was nice, she wanted to keep you company, but you were playing hard to get and it wasn't good enough for you that she told you she wanted to go home with you (which is what that meant). You wanted her to.. I don't know, beg? She asked to go home with you, you wanted her to go home with you, so why on earth didn't you just say "yes, that would be nice"?
Sheez, you could have had a great night with her, but instead you chose to puff up your ego and play hard to get, and look where that game got you.
I think you're overreacting. 10 minutes isn't long time to wait, especially if she was in a bar where there is music and she can't hear her messages coming to her phone unless she sits and stares on her phone constantly, and who does that?
Listen, you got to stop with the games and start being for real. If you want to see her just tell her so. If she wants to see you then be happy about it, rather than try to "punish" her by being hard to get and playing games. That just leaves the both of you miserable and alone. It's not that hard to get what you want, you just need to learn to say "yes please" when it is offered to you.
So, why didn't you want her to come home with you? Be honest with yourself. You were the one who said no to her coming home with you. Why's that? You drove for 50 minutes in the middle of the night because you did want her with you... So I got to ask, why did you say no when she offered to come with? Do you really need a woman who begs for you, or do you want a woman who simply, actually, wants to be with you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): What were you thinking staying at her house after the first date??. That's way too soon!.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): Why didn't you go in the bar? So you pull up at the bar, don't even get out of your car to say hello, get a drink, meet her friends. Just pull up, basically honk, and expect her to drop everything right then and there to get a ride home with you. And then you go to McDonald's for a pity party. That was kind of rude of you. She had plans with her friends which she invited you too, you agreed to meet her after your dinner which you followed through, but did so on your terms. Didn't even go in the bar and hang with her. Just basically said, "I'm across the street at McDonald's. Let's go."And as for her she was probably drunk. I mean yeah it was rude of her to blow off your ride but if you're picking someone up from a bar at 3 am, chances are she was wasted. Maybe she didn't want you to see her drunk. I think you both could've done things differently. While I think it's charming and sweet of you to go pick her up, I also think it wasn't the wisest choice. It's never a good idea to drive an hour away real late at night to meet up with someone you like/just met after a night of drinking. It would've been better for you to suggest seeing her another night. But since you did go, you should've had the courtesy to walk in the bar and meet her friends and hang for a bit. Instead of waiting outside and expecting her to come running out to you. As for her, she should've done the same, suggest you meet another night. In her defense, if she was drunk, maybe she had an accident. Spilled beer on herself. Peed her pants. Looked like a hot mess. Coupled with her incoherence, she "blew you off." I'd chalk it up to poor decisions and expectations on both your parts and be understanding and give her another chance.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): I don't think you are. She was rude and didn't that you into consideration. But as its a new relationship I would let this one time side. If she dose it again however, dump her.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I think it may be just a misunderstanding. Probably she expected you to join her sooner, and was annoyed/disappointed that you showed up so late amd just, as you mentioned, to take her home.
I know you did not mention a specific time, but , to me, for instance, and to many other people, " after dinner " would mean around 11 ,or 12 at most ( there's only so many hours that you can spend with your feet under a table ). And a WORK dinner too ? generally they are the sort of things that one can't wait to leave,lol. You showed up at 3 , she must have thought " he sure was not in a hurry to cut short his fun to meet me ". Plus, the mention of taking her home, made it sound... as if you were just after a booty call !
I know she was with friends and did not lack company, so ? maybe she would have liked you meet her friends...
I think that's why she was playing it cool. She wanted to see you, but ... specularly to you, she wanted you to show more eagerness and enthusiasm. She wanted you to say : If I want ? YESSS! I have been thinking of you all night ! :)
Now, this is obviously just my own very personal reading of the situation, I can't guarantee you at all it went this way... but, think about it, it's a possibility.
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