A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Girlfriend dumped me because I wouldn't add her as my friend on Facebook. I don't understand what everyone's obsession over Facebook is. I like to keep my private life private. I think she is just too jealous. I don't feel I should have to add her. I mean she was my girlfriend My parents knew about her and I told some friends. She got so mad said the "if I am not good enough to be friends on Facebook then I am not good enough to sleep with " Dose anyone else think she over reacted?????
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male
reader, adaminio  +, writes (6 July 2013):
How long was you dating and how old is she? I feel it isn't the only reason she ended it she either feels you are ashamed or embassrd by her or indeed she feels you may have somethin to hide.. in all fairness you prob should off added her to make the peace, if you do like her try sending her an add on facebook now : b
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): You didn't add your girlfriend on facebook because you like to keep your private life, private...I'm not sure if this is a joke but isn't your girlfriend one of the biggest parts of your private life? The woman you "love" and share your body and heart with you don't feel is part of this private life you have?
No I don't think she overreacted at all. You have a very skewed concept of women and relationships. If I knew her personally I'd be one of the advocates encouraging her to run for the hills.
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female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (5 July 2013):
 SensitiveBloke's answer wasn't all that sensitive, but I completely agree with him.
It's not so much that you wouldn't add her on facebook as it is your mentality that you want to keep your "private life private." What the hell does that even mean? Who DOES meet your requirements for being in your "private life" if your girlfriend doesn't? Or are you one of those people with like 10 facebook friends who are all relatives or people that you've known forever?
Not judging you either way, just giving you some things to consider.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): I don't want my boyfriend to see my friends list on face book ,and I don't want the people on my friend's list to know about him. The reason for that is because he has bipolar disorder, and he can be quite offensive sometimes. Sometimes, you have to be careful about what he would say to people, or what he writes on his own page . Not everyone is very understanding about mental illness. It isn't because I don't love him, or because I want people to think i'm single. I cant even take him to family parties, as drink has a bad effect on him. He is lovely with me, but I am the only one who has an understanding of his illness. Give the OP a break. There could be a good explanation for this.To the OP, how long were you with your girlfriend, and when you say you want to keep your private life private, do you mean you want to keep your relationship with her private from everyone else, or do you mean that you want to keep your life with everyone else private from her?. Is there a specific reason why you want it to be private?.Have any of you thought that , for some reason, some of the OP's friends might not get on with the OP's ex girlfriend?. Maybe some of the OP's friends don't have a good character. Or, maybe they are quite embarrassing?. Or, if the OP wasn't with her that long, maybe the OP thinks it was too soon for her to be introduced to people, and maybe the OP wanted to get to know her more first?.For god's sake, everyone, it's just facebook!. It's a stupid website anyway. What happens between people in real life is more important than what happens on the internet.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): What an oxymoron...you want your private life private, so you have facebook...ya, that makes sense. Yet your girlfriend whom you "should" be sharing with is being left out of your facebook circle. That would be a huge red flag for me that you are hiding something. I think anyone would question that decision.
Now putting a relationship/having sex at the same level as facebook seems a bit twisted, but regardless, you screwed that one up big time.
Live and learn...because if you do that again with the next girlfriend you will likely get the same result.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 July 2013):
 "I like to keep my private life private" isn't your girlfriend part of your private life?
seems to me that if she is your girlfriend and you won't friend her on facebook that you are hiding something.
my husband is not on facebook (his choice) and he reads stuff on my phone about it... yeah I find it harder to vent about him in public when he can see it but i don't have anything to hide...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): You do not have to add her on Facebook nor should you feel pressured to do anything you do not want to do. It is your page and your right to choose which friends to accept. If she does not like it, then she can leave and that is what she did. Sometimes it is better to leave SO's off of Facebook...
Clearly she does not trust you enough either. So the relationship was not on solid ground anyway.
To leave you over Facebook? She obviously does not care about you enough. So it is best to let her keep walking.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (5 July 2013):
 Yeah, she was right to dump you. What were you hiding from her?
You've been an idiot. Sorry, but you have.
Take a good long look at yourself and work out why you didn't want to let her into your life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): You could have added her had her as a friend. You wouldn't have had to change your status to "In a relationship with". Just remove all the relationship status so it's just blank. I don't get what the deal is. I hope it was worth losing her mate.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): adding her as a friend doesn't mean that anyone would know you were in a relationship. Think you been flirting and didn't want her to see.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2013): Don't feel too bad, man. I asked a similar question a few months back. Only it was my girlfriend who wouldn't add me. I got some pretty harsh advise from the female side of DC saying that I didn't need to be in that aspect of her life and that she has a right not to add me. Why the bias treatment? I do not know. My advise, stick to your guns.
It sounds like you're going through the same thing I did, except the break-up. The responces was what propelled me to respond. Her breaking up with you over FB was childish. It's that simple.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (5 July 2013):
 I agree with all the other aunts, I think you are hiding something.
I keep my facebook for family and friends, but if I had a boyfriend whom I was serious about, then I'd add him because I have nothing to hide.
I think you are fooling yourself, by saying you want to keep your private life 'private'...from your girlfriend?...Nope, if you had nothing to hide you'd add her and it wouldn't be a big deal.
You are making her suspicious by not adding her and you are pretending to be single whilst leading some one to believe you are in a relationship with them...Bad form!
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female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (5 July 2013):
 This sounds like a teenage issue. If a girlfriend is not your private life, then what is? No offense, but if your privacy was that important to you, you wouldn't even have a Facebook account.
I hate Facebook and don't have it but I'm with your ex on this one. I dated a guy who said he didn't want to introduce me to his friends because he "didn't want two worlds colliding". BS. He wanted people to think he was single. Is that why you didn't want to add your girlfriend?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 July 2013):
 If you like to keep your private life private... why do you even have a Facebook account , to begin with ?!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 July 2013):
 What exactly is private about Facebook? Seriously? Newsflash bro, it's the Internet...
If you were 16-17 and this was a brand new relationship then maybe I could see why you wouldn't ad her , but a grown person? Why not? What exactly is it on YOUR Facebook she can't see/ be part off?
I agree with the auntie who said, it's not about the adding, it's about what the NOT adding implies.
I can't see why you can't add each other if you two are serious, it's not like you have to give her your password or your PIN number.
You are aware that FB have all kind of fancy options for YOU to decide who can see what on YOUR page, right? So if there are thing s you don't want her to see you could just have blocked that.
Side note though, when I had my Facebook I didn't have my husband on mine, nor did he have me on his. I don't really care. But for us it was a choice. It works fine for us because there is nothing to hide on either accounts. FB was only used really, to update family abroad about the kids/us/life not as a posting of random or intimate stuff.
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (5 July 2013):
I'm sure she is happier that she moved on. She can find a guy that wants to be apart of her life and every part of his.
I wish her luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): No, she's right about her decision.
You must be hiding something on your face book.
If you don't want to share it w/your gf cuz as you said you want some privacy. I suggest better be single.
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female
reader, Lola333 +, writes (4 July 2013):
No. I don't think she over reacted. I question why you did not want her as a friend. Either you are not proud of the relationship or you are too secretive. Either way, I can completely understand what she did.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): If you were my boyfriend i would definately have dumped you. Why would you not want to involve your girlfriend in your private life are you hiding something. You would be gone mate and i dont blame her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): Why she blew off the handle?
Well, your excuse for "wanting a private life" is completely contradictory- I like a private life- therefore I DONT have Facebook, so why do you have it? That just doesn't hold up as a reason; it looks very suspicious as I'm you're hiding something PRIVATE- Like the last poster said -your gf is your private life- not a social networking site...
Whether you're wanting to keep secrets or not, I'm telling you any girl( or guy) Would have a similar reaction. It's not Facebook it's the secrecy.
It bothers her and you should try and understand why- i can't understand how you can't already? If her( rightful) concerns don't matter to you then you two should call it a day.
Good luck x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): My ex wouldn't let me be his friend on it.... Coz I was his mistress unknown to me!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 July 2013):
 Maybe a bit, but you're also being very VERY secretive here. I mean she's asking to be your facebook friend, not search your belongings. You said yourself "I like to keep my private life private." A girlfriend IS your private life. I would have likely done the same thing if my boyfriend refused to add me to facebook because he was too private a person. Why would it have been such a big deal to just let her be your facebook friend?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): First off, is she a few years younger than you? Like in her twenties maybe? I'm in my twenties and the last few guys I've dated were in their early thirties. I think there is a bit of a disconnect between how people in their twenties and thirties look at Facebook. Facebook was a "thing" when I was in college, whereas that isn't the case with the guys I have dated who are in their thirties.I don't think she broke up with you because you wouldn't add her on facebook, I think she broke up with you because of what that implies. It implies that you aren't serious enough about her to have her name show up in front of all your facebook friends, or that you don't want her to see who is talking to you on there or what you are doing. The bottom line is that is implies you're not as into her as she is into you. It's not that being friends on facebook is so earth-shatteringly important, its that the fact that you don't want her to have access to your facebook page or make it clear to your facebook friends that she might be someone of relevance in your life is legitimately concerning to her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): what you should have done is delete your facebook all together or do the decent thing, add her and let the world know your together.
she rightfully feels embarassed that you and her were together yet she wasnt good enough access a public internet page on a social networking site....something that all your friends and family had access to yet she didnt?
i dont blame her, id feel just as humiliated and unworthy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): Hell no she didn't!! If you don't add her it will make her think your keeping you options open and may flirt/cheat. I'd dump you too if you did that to me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): I'd be a bit insulted about that too to be honest. Not because I think Facebook is a big deal, but because you don't seem like you want to include her in your so called 'private life'. Why is it ok for friends from other areas of your life to be included but not your girlfriend? She's supposed to be your number one. I don't understand why you made a big deal of not adding her to be honest? Is there something on your page she wouldn't like? Because if not I don't see why you couldn't just add her to make her happy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2013): I'm not a big Facebook user either and I think it causes a lot of problems, but I don't understand why you were so against adding her. I would be concerned about that too because it seems like you have something to hide. Keeping your private life private is fine, but your girlfriend should also be included in your private life and not kept separate. Otherwise what's the point in being in a relationship? What is it in your private life you didn't want her to see?
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (4 July 2013):
 No, I personally don't. I would have done the same thing, honestly. It looks bad, like you're doing things on facebook like pretending to be single so that you can talk to other women.
It was THAT important to her. But you chose being "private" over compromising. In the end, you were the one who gave up your relationship just so that you could look single in public.
Your ego is getting in the way of your happiness. Is appearing single really so important to you that you're willing to give up the woman that loved you for it? Because Newsflash: That's just what happened to you.
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