A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. So, I am in a relationship with a guy since 7 months. He's an old friend of mine, I mean, we know each other since when we were kids, and one day we met again and we fell in love. The first months I can't say that everything was perfect, but we got along really well. He was my first time, I am his longest relationship ever. Anyway, two months ago problem started. We both had this big final exam to pass, and so we stayed at home studying for almost a month, seeong each other very rarely. It was the only thing to do, I needed that too. But now, finals are over, summer has come. He's gonna spend one week with his brother in NYC, two more in Croatia woth his friends, and then two more in Greece with his best friend. We will see only three days in two months. I cannot say that I am not scared. He said that he will miss me but that he is really disappointed that i can't be happy for him. Plus, he doesn't write me really often right now, and he's spending his last days here hanging out with his friends. We do not have sex anymore, and everytime I ask him to hang out he seems like he's doing me a big favour. So now, the question is: is it really over? Or is it just a phase? I do really love him, but I don't wanna get hurt. So, what do you think I should do?Thanks a lot for the help :)Ps sorry for my english, i am italian..hope you ll understand even just a little
View related questions:
best friend, fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 July 2013):
 Hallo fellow Italian.
First of all let me say something a bit cynical nevertheless, alas ,quite true : I think that by the " big final exam " you mean the " maturita' " right ? That would set your ages at 18..19 at most.
And, do you expect committment and consistence from an 18 y.o. male ? An Italian one ??? he will have been all fired up and entusiastic about you the first months, then something new and exciting - a summer of trips witsh friends, the big last long summer of total freedom and nearly unlimited " chilling " before college , exams, stages and apprenticeships , and / or work- and the focus is totally on that. Girlfriend can wait.
Personally I think that no, he does not want to ditch you, he is just being typically self centered and " all about me "- he wants to enjoy his fun and ganes with no restrictions now, then in September, coming Autumn and the new routine of college etc., - he expects you to pick up from where you have left . He is taking a mini-sabbatical.
Should you be fine with that , should you get along with his plan ?
That's totally up to you, if it was me ( ot I should choose for my daughter ) I'd say : heck no.
He's got two months to plan his summer, how come you haven't been included in at least just a small part of it ? I can understand the visit to his brother in NY, but, why haven't you been invited to join the gang in the trip to Craotia ? Why, once he has done his seaside vacation ( sacred for most Italians ! ) he can't give up the second vacation and stay in town to keep you company, or take off with you for somewhere ?..
Because, I am afraid, you are quite more into him than viceversa, and because he knows he does not risk anything. You'll pout, you'll mope, you'll worry - but he'll leave anyway , certain that in September he'll find you to greet him back with open arms and bathed breath ...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Hi. I think 3 times in 2 months is a joke. He gets to do what he wants and have his freedom whilst seeing you when he wants,and not making enough effort. Back right off,and when he messages you take 24 hours to answer. Act cool,and tell him you are busy,and have been busy. Only message him to every 3 times he messages you. You are not having sex with him much. You may as well be with someone else for all it.s worth! See how he responds to your cooler,and busier behaviour. That way you will get your answer as to if he.s serious or not. If he doesn.t step it up, you may need to review your options! Let us know how you get on,but don.t be hanging round waiting for him for the next year. You have a life too.x
...............................
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe  +, writes (7 July 2013):
 I think you have to be careful with this one. Yes, from the way you right it sounds like alot of the spark has gone and it could well be over, however, there is the distinct possibility that what has happened is that the honeymoon phase has ended. All relationships when they start are intense, people see alot of each other and then this eventually ends, people start to perhaps remember the rest of their life like friends etc.
I think you are in danger of pushing him away here, he maybe feels that you are stopping him doing the things he wants and this is why he is treating time with you like he is "doing you a favour". I think you need to give him a little space for a bit, let him do his thing, absence does make the heart grow fonder you know. Make sure you fill your time, see your friends, spend time with your family etc etc, maybe text or get in contact every so often just to see how things are with him. See how that goes before giving up on this one. Good luck x
...............................
|
