A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This may sound like a typical college teacher-student case, but it's somewhat different, since I'm attracted to this girl who isn't and has never been my student. We met because some months ago she started working as staff so we see every day as our desks are on the same floor. We talk and look for each other a lot, and we have developed a nice friendship. We trust each other, we both have shared ideas and feelings, from just jokes to personal stuff, so we seem to connect on many levels. She isn't seeing anyone, and she knows I'm unmarried, single without children (which may sound odd at my age, but it's the truth). Some random day I realized that I was falling for her, dreaming and daydreaming about her, but I've been hiding it because of my position. It's really hard to keep it secret because I want to be professional, at the end we're a student and a teacher. She probably sees me only as a friend, and though she's in her senior year (so we're both adults) there's also the age difference issue. Any thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 July 2013):
 A senior in college in the USA is in her 20s usually (college here is high school and you graduate at 17/18 then four years of college makes you 21/22 usually.
you met her at the office in her capacity as an employee.
I think it depends on if college is like in the US or in Europe...
what is the school policy on teachers dating ANY student?
if NO dating.. then you must wait till she graduates.
if you can date a student of the university but not one of your own students, you may still wish to wait till she graduates.
there is a big gap... lets say you are 41 and she is 21 that is 20 years.... I have a 13 yr gap in our marriage and there are days it's overwhelming even with the YOUNGER partner being 40 (and feeling his age thankfully) at 21 she is way more active than a man in his 40s usually.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Please don't play naive. You know the policy regarding professional fraternization; and you are fully aware of the ethics.
Update yourself on your university's policy on professional ethics, and code of conduct. You'll find an answer. You can take it to the Dean, or the head of your department. I'm absolutely certain you'll get a clear and definitive answer.
If you wouldn't risk asking either; then you already know the answer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 July 2013):
 BE professional.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): When I was doing my master's, after the last exam we had a party with all the students and a few of professors. We had no more classes or exams, but we had to write our thesis. On that night I met one of the professors. He was sitting at the table beside mine. He stated chatting in a very charming way and when after dinner, we were all going to a dance club, he offered me a ride. None of the other professors accompanied us in the club, though. At the club, we sat at a table and had drinks. Other girls and boys were at our table and coming ang going and chatting as well. We didn't like the club as they had a strptise dancer on that night. So he offered me a ride back to the dorm. We shared phone numbers and then the nect day i left for a week visiting my family in another city. We met after we came back and to your surprize we had sex on that night! To make you even more surprized, we are married now for about 9 years and still have a sizzling sec life. We have a kid now too. Btw, our age difference is 5 years...my advice to you, keep some way of communicating with this girl open. If your university policy is against dating students in any sorts, contact with her after she is out of university, see the grounds and invite her to a coffee, or an upcoming event, etc. Good luck
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (7 July 2013):
 It almost sounds as though you are trying to justify the way you feel by saying you're a teacher but not her teacher (seriously?). Yes the age gap matters, yes the fact that she is a student matters and YES SHE IS OFF LIMITS. Its just wrong to be frank with you, simply wrong.Yes you're both adults BUT you're adults in different stages of life. You should be looking to date women closer to your age unless you want to serve as some young girls Sugar Daddy. She should be focusing on her studies and not even thinking about being so close with someone old enough to be her dad.Just keep things professional and try finding a women closer to your own age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Here on year uk last month a teacher was jailed for over 5 years for getting involved with a student. He was only in his thirties. Dont bother mate find someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): College student can be in her 20s.Colombian kids graduate at 16-17 and enter college at that age, it is basically a given they will go to school. It takes 5 years for a basic bachelor's. HE CLEARLY STATED she is on her SENIOR YEAR so she can be 22 for all we know. Medical degrees can take 10 to 15 years which explains their excellent medicine, so she can even be older than we think.This is not hard to solve, if she is in her senior year she will leave the University soon, and you can ask her out for coffee and see where it leads as you wont be her teacher anymore. Also she may come back to do her years of thesis after her bachelor's, so you might see her again. On the future the age difference will be a problem. Watch the documentary the queen of versailles I think they have the same difference and they are older now. Now if yoy only want an adventure.... then go at it!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 It's not good.
She must be 17 or 18 and you are between 40 and 50?
You have absolutely no idea if she sees you in a 'relationship' way and she'd probably be horrified or embarrassed if you made a pass at her.
I think you have created this 'perfect' scenario in your head and using phrases like 'we trust eachother' is delusional...
She should be able to trust you...AS A TUTOR with a healthy respect for the youngsters well being and education...NOT as some older man having some kind of a secret sexual fantasy over a girl barely out of childhood.
This is inappropriate and wrong in my eyes and if she were my daughter and I knew she was being 'groomed for arelationship' by someone in a position of trust...I'd make sure you lost your job and never taught again!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 ...That anyway she would STILL be off limits if she is a student of the college where you teach, even if you don't teach in her classes.
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