A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy for 5 months..Suffice to say he keeps me happy but that's not enough..I'm attracted to him, we can make out for hours but I don't think he's the most good looking or I find what he wears appealing!I've told him indirectly "wear this it looks better on you" and things like that..I even tried breaking up with him twice but he said I need to give it some time and not make impulsive decisions!Sometimes I say the sweetest things to him the very next minute I pull away and not talk to him..I'm just playing hard to get maybe, but that's keeping him on his toes..What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 What Cindy said. You're just not into this guy, but you're clinging to him because you think you should like him. But hey, you can't force what isn't there! You can't make your heart feel what it doesn't feel, like the song goes.
By trying to make him wear different clothes you're trying to change him little by little, trying to make him more attractive to you, because admittedly, he's not that attractive in your eyes. You like some qualities, and you are hoping you can fix the rest so that it will be bearable. But it's a short term solution. The long term solution is to find another guy, not another shirt for the wrong guy to wear.
When you're with a man where the chemistry is right, you wont care what clothes he wear. Seriously, my boyfriend can some times show up in clothes with holes in them, on other occasions he overdresses and shows up in a suit and west just to pick me up and go home. But it's never made him any less attractive to me. However I once had an overweight boyfriend who I wasn't physically attracted to. And I thought I could force it, like you are, by trying to see him only in the "good light". Make him wear fitting clothes, only look at pictures of him where he looked good, delete all bad pictures, look away when I caught him wearing something unflattering... But the bottom line is I wasn't attracted to him, and there's no way you can force yourself to be attracted to someone just by changing their wardrobe. Btw, they rarely want to change for someone else, they like who they are and as a girlfriend you should either embrace it or let them go.
He's not for you! Just let him go already.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 September 2013):
 I think you basically don't like the guy. You like him rationally- because you know he is a good guy that treats you well- but the chemistry is not right. He keeps you happy but, as you say, that's not enough.
If you really liked him you'd either SEE him as the best guy in the world, or, you'd see he has physical flaws and you could not care less, you'd like his flaws too. As for being troubled by his fashion sense... that's very revealing about how fundamentally lukewarm you are toward him. Mind you, I am Italian, fashion and style are a serious thing over here :), I DO appreciate an elegant, well dressed man- that's a nice plus. But ..not a must. At the end of the day ( both literally and metaforically ) his clothes have got to come off, right ? , so who cares if he does not wear Armani.
That his poor fashion choices bothr you so much to led you twice to almost break up- it must mean something. I think that it means that you are tryng to obey your brain, which tells you " thst's a nice, decenr guy, don't let him slip through your fingers " while something deeper inside you says " no no NO ! I don't want THIS ! "
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2013): Its because your not really sure of what you want.
What you should do? Just enjoy being with him.
He makes you happy that's what really matters.
You don't want to cut communication with someone who makes you happy.
Its not everyday you find somebody who makes you happy. Most people are annoying. Sometime the one were looking for is just in front of us.
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A
female
reader, little sue  +, writes (20 September 2013):
I think that if you really like someone it doesnt matter how good looking they are or what clothes they wear .you say he keeps you happy but thats not enough maybe you are better off being friends and letting someone else that might appreciate this guy (dress sense too )it sounds to me like you are a bit too shallow for this guy
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