A
female
age
30-35,
*ulliepeter
writes:hii am a totally confused lady..i have dated my boyfriend for two months now heading three.and i like him alot hs everything av ever wanted in a man but the problem is i think either he is seing another person or he is just using me for sex...he stoped calling and texting me dailly when i cal him he doeant pick and when i call again he picks and says i always call him at a bad time when he has clients at work.he is ussually busy with work which i doubt because the only he calls me is when he tells me to go and spend the night with him at his place where we will have sex several times even when its painfull for me..he stoped being emotionally attached..after sex he just rolls over to the other side of the bed and sleeps and wakes me up very early in the morning for sex then he tells me he wants to see me off then he goes to work and later in the day when i pass by his house he is still in he hasnt gone to work...i feel bad what do i do...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 No confusion needed julliepeter… he’s an abusive user.
You say you like him a lot… and he’s everything you want in a man… tell me that list.
A man who calls for sex and uses you for sex when it’s painful is not kind or considerate or gentle or caring which are all traits you should seek in a partner.
Here is my advice.
Do not call him
When he calls you at night and asks you to come to his place…. Say NO. Be busy. MORE THAN ONCE.
DO not go to his place
DO NOT let him come to yours
DO NOT HAVE SEX with him.
Let him take you out for dinner. Let him buy you flowers. LET him take you to a movie.
“BUT he won’t do any of those things” you might say… well then in that case, you won’t be having sex with him… all you are to him is a human fleshlight… a masturbation device that breathes for him…
STOP letting him use you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2013): Stop making yourself readily available to him like that.
Cut him off and stop being a door mat, a booty call, an unpayed prostitute.
Cut your losses and find someone who will treat you like a lady.
If you want a man to treat you the way you want to be treated, then you must REQUIRE it from him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): I don't think he thinks he is your boyfriend. He is so obviously using your body for his orgazms. This is all he is doing. You better learn this behavour while you are still young. For your emotional well being for years to come.I understand we are all sexual beings, but experiment that I started to do is flirt with a guy, be very very nice to him, go for a date or 2 with him and see what happens after I say no to sex. Ussualy let me say 95% of the time, after I send a guy home saying no to sex, he just stops calling or texting. So as you can see its an overwhelming percentage of men are ONLY after sex. At first they are being so nice to you and understanding, and almost your friends forever, but then after they got what they wanted, and this is sex, they stop being your friends, they call you for a quick hook up, and turn around and fall asleep. It's good times for all the male population. Only a hundred years ago or even less than that for relieving themselves the would go to prostitutes and pay money, but now they can just call a girl and have their obligation and cost free sex whenever they want. This is why we girls need a little more time to understand who we are dealing with. Fortunately not all guys are like that. Some actually want a relationship, but you need time to understand that. This guy is a lost case, drop him. He will use you for sex until he finds a new body for his penis.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (22 September 2013):
 I also read your other post, to which my reply is: stop having sex with him.
The honeymoon period didn't last long with this man; after only 2-3 months he is showing his true colours. He's acting like a brute.
You should reevaluate what it is about him that you like. He's surely not everything you want in a man? Your first impressions of him were positive and you got attached, but you know something's not right or you wouldn't be posting here.
It's ok to accept that your initial impression about him was wrong. Better to walk away than continue to be disrespected and disappointed by this man. You deserve so much better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): try telling him you're busy at nighttime. Make him chase you sometimes. Or just leave, that would be better
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2013):
 Having read your other post, I can't but reiterate what WiseOwlE says. Yes, he is using you for sex. He does not give a f..k anymore , if he ever did, and he is using you as a conveninece, and in a rather brutal way :
what you want to do dear OP ? Just leave him, and don't turn what was a wrong judgement call into some major love tragedy. It was only two months, better finding out sooner than later when someone is going to be such a selfish jerk- move on and look for someone better, and at least , this will be easy because it's hard you you could find anybody WORSE than this guy.
I know you are disappointed, the advice you really wanted was : her's - the magic method to change a callous brute like this into a knight in shining armour, but if this method existed and we knew it, we would not be answering posts on DC, we'd be out making millions with our failproof self help books... or at least out enjoying a wonderful, carefree, continuous life of pleasures, passion and romance :)
There's no such methid, you can't ever really change anybody but yourself. Change yourself, it's faster, easier and SMARTER. Change the part of you that says it's OK for you to accept disrespect, indifference, exploitation and sexual abuse . It's NOT.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2013): I just responded to your previous post. You have to end the relationship and move on. Submitting to abuse, and just making a list of your complaints is a waste of your time. Either do something about it, or put up with it.
You've made it clear he doesn't treat you well, yet you remain with the man. Common sense should tell you that this relationship is for his benefit and convenience; and you're just an enabler. The suffering ends when you kick his ass out the door.
He nearly rapes you in your sleep. He treats you like a prostitute, and ignores you when he's finished using you.
What advice can anyone offer, but to tell you to leave him?
My heart goes out to you, but I have to give you strong and direct advice. There is no advice that will magically change him. He has to go!
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