A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about stretch marks...How come some people don't have them? i've never seen the women in a porno have them, i know the pics are airbrushed but not the videos. Does anyone here not have them? I have them and it makes me feel like a lesser :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): It's simple OP, one person thinking you're ordinary and who is now an ex means nothing and should have no effect on your confidence.
You'd probably find me very ordinary to look at, I know most people do. But for some reason my wife thinks I'm well above average into the beautiful category.
You see that's the difference with you and me. I know there are those out there that view me as "special" who think I'm very easy on the eye. I've been around long enough to know that will always be the case. So why worry? And why take seriously the opinions of people who don't matter?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2013): I appreciate when the person you love says something so negative. It is damaging. You want the person to love you for you, and this person does not. He is not worthy of you in any way, shape or form. I would cut this guy loose instead of trying to live up to his standard. You are putting far too much weight on what he is telling you and its damaging your self-esteem. Be strong and believe you are better than that because you are!!! There is a real man out there who will see your beauty and not put any comparison's on people who are far from real.
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female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (27 September 2013):
 Look, it's simply foolish to let one person's opinion of you make you feel so negatively of yourself, and also to compare yourself to porn stars. And if you started comparing yourself to them because he was, then he was being foolish as well. Do either of you realize how much porn stars go through to look the way they do? Sure, some may not have stretch marks, but they certainly have other "imperfections". The difference between them and "normal" women like you is they mask their imperfections with different plastic surgeries and heavy duty makeup. Most women don't even have access to the types of makeup they use, nor do they have a professional makeup artist to apply it for them.
If your ex boyfriend thinks porn stars and glamour models are a "superior" race of humans that roll out of bed looking the way they do, and that their bodies haven't been altered in any way, he is living in a fantasy world. Plain and simple. You can't force him to change his mind, but you can choose to not spend time with people who try to bring you down. And no, not every guy who says you're more than ordinary would be "telling you a beautiful lie". What an ignorant thing for him to say! Does he really believe his opinion would be the opinion of EVERY guy? What one man finds just average, another may find stunning, and vise versa.
You're right, another guy WOULD say differently. Go find him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): I call mine my "tiger stripes." Makes 'em cute and sassy! ;) I'm curious why, in your follow-up, you're not listening to a word anyone says. We gave you plenty of examples of hot, awesome ladies having tons of stretch marks and not suffering low self-esteem because of it, and you're still just moping about what this guy said to you. It hurts, it does, but it's time you stop letting his cruel assessment of you rule you. Agreed with tisha-1 that therapy may be a good idea! Right now you're a black hole of insecurity, and only learning to change your habits and deep-seated beliefs will let you finally come into the light. Even if you don't understand it emotionally right now, please understand at least intellectually that REAL, RED-BLOODED MEN who respect you and like who you are will completely freaking ADORE your body and think you're better than any porn star. Stretch marks and all. It will happen, so when you meet those guys, meet 'em with a saucy grin instead of shrinking into a corner.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 What made you 'ordinary' to him? Nothing except his controlling need to keep you downtrodden and cowed.
Why do you accept his flawed assessment of you? No one can make you feel this bad unless you actively participate and believe it.
As you seem very stuck in this negative mindset and suffer from low self-esteem, go to therapy. It will be a wise investment in time and effort for you to have a brighter future.
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female
reader, Kyra23  +, writes (26 September 2013):
I have plenty of those too...but it's common. I guess the women who don't have them never had weight variation or a genetic tendency. Having dry skin is also a risk factor. Trust me.. I wish someone would have told me to put some cream on my hips when I was 13.
If you take care now you can make them less visible and don't feel lesser for it! I'm sure there are qualities in your body. Highlight them!
Be confident...men are less judged than us. It's cultural BS.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): Oh my goodness is your ex clueless. There are too many people who think that what they see on TV, magazines and in movies is how these people really look in real life. You are a real person, not a made up fake one. Far from ordinary because there is only one like you. That is a comment from a very immature, living in a world of illusion and does not have the understanding or respect for a real women. You are far better off without someone like that. There is a man out there somewhere who will see your beauty and all that you have to offer. Women get stretch marks. Very few do not. There is no product in the world to get rid of them, though many will try to say they can.Do you really want to compare what a porn star looks like on camera to a real person? Don't even go there...number one, these women are damaged to begin with. They've all had some sort of tramatic past that's landed them where they are in the first place. They "need" to be the center of attention, their self esteem is down the tubes, they will do just about anything on film to make that money, but are empty and lost inside. They have no self worth and they spend a lot of money to make themselves look like they do. Just because you cannot see their stretch marks, more than likely they do have them (or they've had some form of plastic surgery, lazer removal)...just the right camera angles..the magic of photography and film can make anyone look 10 times better than they really are. Get a grip on reality and understand that all those pictures in magazines, the movie stars, the skank stars are all fake. The products to make you look one way, are fake. Example...mascara commercials with those lashes...they are wearing false highlashes under that mascara. The commercials to fade scars and stretch marks...all fake and cannot work, as the same with wrinkle creams, etc., etc.,etc. These products make millions because this is how we feel about our badies with all the fake images thrown at us. Get comfortable in your own skin, treat your body well, eat healthy, get exercise daily and do little things to make yourself feel good and pretty. When you are happy and you feel happy and good about yourself, that's what everyone else sees. They don't see your stretch marks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): I don't want to be a glamour model it was a normal convo. We often had those kind of convos and I just wondered what made me an ordinary person to him then it got me thinking what makes thesr people not ordinary and stuff :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): Do you want to be a glamour model or was it just a conversation you had? Have you done a shoot and put together a portfolio OP?
Have a look at my link, your ex boyfriend is an idiot they look as ordinary as you can get when not done up and they're VS models.
The two most successful glamour models in the UK Jordan and Jodie Marsh with all due respect they're not even nearly "hot" or special.
OP glamour modelling hasn't so much to do with looks than what you're willing to do to succeed. It's all about exposure and who you know.
OP there are niches for every type of woman to reflect the fact that men love all types of woman. Even morbidly obese women make tonnes of money from that kind of thing.
Even if you only have nice feet there's a niche there.
Physical blemishes aren't a big deal at all, but confidence and self belief is everything.
Do you think Jordan made it by just looking good and showing up? Nope, she did that and appeared in some magazines, page 3 nothing major because she's not even good looking. She went to massive lengths, got huge tits, sex tape, dated footballers, made sure she was seen leaving nightclubs three nights a week beside minor celebs, she went to all the parties, mixed with all those people, slept with who she had to.
Your ex had no idea what he was talking about. Glamour models are a dime a dozen and it's very hard to make a steady wage out of it. Trust me I've bought my fair share of lads mags, the most beautiful women I've seen in them were hardly seen again. Beauty alone is not enough.
Glamour models aren't only judged by their physical standards, they're categorised by those like anyone in the entertainment industry but there's a lot more that goes into the process. It's hard work, it's hard to get into and you have to be ruthless to succeed. Looks are of secondary importance, that's just the product they sell, it's the sales pitch that matters most.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2013):
Oh, I loved this little photo essay. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/03/porn-stars-without-make-up_n_3379731.html Very eye-opening, don't you think?
A lot of make up can change the way you are perceived.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2013):
You want to be a glamour model? Is that your sincere highest aspiration? Really?
Or is this a reaction to your ex-bf looking at glamour models and porn and you wondering why?
He's an EX, why even define yourself by his limited standards? Glamour models may be lovely sweet women but they are judged purely on physical standards.
There is so much more to being a woman than aspiring to taking your clothes off for some shabby dweeb.
Oh and I have stretch marks, some old and now faded, others newer.
Big deal.
This sounds like something more than some stretch marks. This sounds like you are buying into the myth that you aren't a lovely woman in your own right.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (25 September 2013):
 Hmm, you want to be a glamour model? I'm sure plenty of glamour models have stretch marks and they are simply airbrushed out of photos.
I used to have stretch marks (silvery white) in my twenties but now they've just gone. I didn't do anything to make them go. I think it has something to do with pigmentation in my case; I'm very pale. I was never pregnant. It was just weight gain and weight loss. I've had partners with stretch marks and it hasn't bothered me at all. I wouldn't even think about it because stretch marks are so common as to be unremarkable.
Seriously, don't compare yourself to porn actresses, and don't let a careless comment from an insensitive ex get you down. Stretch marks are totally normal ("life lines"!) and there is nothing wrong with being "ordinary" by the way. I'd rather be ordinary than, for example, disabled (just to put things in perspective for a moment).
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reader, Dionee' +, writes (25 September 2013):
 Not only people with kids have them.
I have plenty across my upper thighs and bum. I'm very petite but i have a big bum which is what i've always had but the stretchmarks there have always been a thing for me. I've tried some stuff that didn't work. Also, my sister is bigger in size than me but younger than me and has stretchmarks but mine are a 10 compared to hers which are about a 5 on a scale of 1-10. Just like some people have cellulite as an issue, we have stretchmarks. Atleast you're grown. I'm only 17 and couldn't wear bikini's without shorts over it since i was about 11 or 12. So don't feel too bad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): I have tons of stretch marks across my hips and butt. I am not overweight nor have I ever been (a size 6 since age 14!), but puberty hit all at once and very suddenly graced me with a very curvy behind at about 13.5. My poor skin couldn't keep up. I was extremely insecure about them until I grew up, and I realized that my looks and sex appeal (more importantly, what's inside, but that's not what you're trying to address with this question) were not affected even a little bit by my stretch marks. I model as a second job. Nude modeling, too. Artistic, not erotic. I noticed that photographers and artists were more than thrilled to work with me, and none of them even noticed my very-noticeable-to-me stretch marks. If they noticed, they didn't care. My beautiful man did notice them when we first started seeing each other naked, but it was only as a contrast to his only other sexual partner, who didn't have them. Now he totally forgets that they're there...and it does not diminish my sexiness one iota in his eyes. Any man worth his salt will feel the same. My advice is to strut your stuff, and not let yourself feel insecure or "lesser than" because of this. Any such perception is only in your own head; I find that despite the media machine of fake female perfection, real people do not expect or relish such things. Chin up! Go buy a bikini and rock it :)
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2013):
 I'm 44, have had 3 kids and don't have any, my 13 year old daughter gained and lost 25 lbs pretty quick and she has them. My husband has them to, my guess she inherited that from him.
My daughter have been using Bio Oil and it seems to fade them a lot.
Also, My husband and I scar differently. Mine goes pale fast and are soft to the touch - his are red and hard for years. So there is definitely a difference in our skin types too.
Women in porn may or may not have stretch marks. Those the DO have them might have some rather hefty concealer on - just like (before people started the silliness of anal bleaching) they used to use heavy duty concealer on the dark skin around the anus.
It's not something you can control. And never compare yourself to a pornstar, a model or an actor. You have no idea how much make up goes into making them look the way they do.
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reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 September 2013):
 Ok why do some people have stretch marks?...
It's to do with the collagen bundles under the skin that stretch and divide leaving furrows under the skin.
Genetically some people have more resillient/ stretchy collagen and never seem to get stretch marks whilst in others you can see them on both men and women who gain weight and/or lose it rapidly.
During pregnancy women have lots of hormones rushing round their bodies and this can make stretch marks worse because the abdomen/legs and upper arms can gain weight and stretch leaving red angry lines,the good news is that they do fade to silvery white lines in the couple of years after giving birth.
Because collagen is in everyone, both men and women can be prone to stretch marks. Using special creams and moisturisers will improve the appearance of skin surface but there is no clinically proven rememdy that acts on collagen alone since it is buried under the skin where cream cannot penetrate.
Eating a good diet and taking regular exercise along with keeping weight gain in check can lead to the avoidance of stretch marks, but for most people they are a common thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): This is the OP I have them and I don't have children. I have these hang ups since my ex boyfriend decided to tell me I was an ordinary person that's why I couldn't be a glamour model. I said someone else might think differently and he said would you rather them tell you a beautiful lie.
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reader, R1 +, writes (25 September 2013):
 I don't have them but then I've never had kids!!
Maybe the women you see in porn films also don't have kids... Not exactly a responsible job for a mum... I don't know!!
I've never heard a man complain about a woman having stretch marks so I wouldn't worry!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): I have tonnes of them and I'm a man. Biceps, sides, legs, back. Don't bother me in the slightest. My wife has some too, they don't bother me either.
I don't see why people think they're a big deal. I've never thought of them as making a person less beautiful. Then again I've never been jealous of how other people look or think that I need to look perfect to be happy.
Even people we look at that seem perfect have imperfections. Stop buying into the media version of beauty and look at what beauty really is.
The most "beautiful" women in the world according to the media are actually very plain and normal looking.
http://www.slrlounge.com/victoria-secret-models-with-and-without-makeup-an-unfair-comparison
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): Wow! Good question. Most of the women that I know would agree that it is crucial to moisturize, Skin becomes more pliant, more plasticized, and better able to stretch when it's well hydrated."Moisturizing three or four times a day with products that contain cocoa butter or shea butter as a prime ingredient. Massage the moisturizer deep into breasts, belly, hips, and buttocks.Many products claim to "repair" stretch marks. But only a few work. Here's a rundown of the products available for stretch marks that I know of for removal and what they can -- and cannot -- do:Wheat germ oil: There is not much scientific data on whether home remedies for stretch marks, such as wheat germ oil, can help. These are the remedies that I read that will help improve stretch marks in their early phase.Glycolic acid: Glycolic acid is an alpha hydroxy acid. It most likely works on stretch marks by boosting collagen production. Glycolic acid can also be administered in higher doses by a dermatologist. Treatment typically costs around $100 and requires three or four office visits before results will appear.Vitamin C: Certain formulations of vitamin C may also increase collagen production and help early-stage stretch marks. For maximum effect, combine with glycolic acid. Vitamin C supplements may also be effective. they suggests 500 milligrams three times a day.Peptide-containing products: Peptide-containing products are widely marketed as "repair" creams and are a waste of time and money. Despite commercial claims, there is no convincing data that these work. I hope this helps Like us on FB: Niso Soulmates!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2013): Okay what is stretch marks have to do with being a lesser???I'm not small I'm a size 18-20 and almost 7month pregnant with my 2nd child and dont have many at all, thank god. But it's down to genetics.. Some people are prone to them some are not my bf has more stretch marks then me and he is a 34waist.And don't compare your self to porn.. You around 26ish.. You should know better. They don't get fat so they are not going to get them and when they do get pregnant they work out.. Skin therapy.. And obviously surgery. 99% of their body is fake.. Bbreasts, bum, Lipo, lips you name it they have had it.; even a surgery to make their vagina tight. What make you think they don't have surgery for stretch marks...
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 September 2013):
 I'm 53 and I barely have any... and I've gained and lost a lot of weight and I've had 2 children... and I am aware of how blessed I am not to have them. NOT that it's a huge issue... they are your marks that you've lived and loved.
some folks get them some do not. I've seen girls who have never had children have them...
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reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2013):
 I've got 'em from pregnancy. My mom had them as well as her mother before her. Genetics play a huge part in that. I don't really care if I have them or not, to be honest.
As for women in porno, I *really* don't want to compare myself to them. I don't judge them, but they really trash their bodies in the course of their career. They have different things all stretched out, if you know what I'm meaning. I'll take stretch marks over that every time.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 September 2013):
 Just excellent luck at the genetic lottery , I guess- they draw " very elastic, supple, resilient skin". And, they never gained or lose too much weight / too fast / too often.
My mom is over 80 and she never had one single stretch mark in her life ( I am so jealous ). All the extra weight she ever gained through pregnancy, breastfeeding, menopause ...is a whopping 4 pounds. She was 110 at 18, she is 114 now. Then again, believe me, the woman is bionic ! Most of us common mortals have some stretch marks, who more who less. It's normal.
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reader, person12345 +, writes (25 September 2013):
 Almost all women have some form of stretch marks and cellulite. It's just part of being female. It doesn't make you lesser, we all have them. If they are purple you can use bio oil on them and that can help, if they are white there's isn't much you can do except try to relax because we all have them somewhere. It's completely normal.
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reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 September 2013):
 You call them stretch marks, I call them life lines
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