A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok quick question ... The man I have strong feelings for has another woman that he has been chatting with for over a year and chats with online daily but claims it is just friendship. It came out by chance and he did try to keep it from me. I have pulled back the reigns considerably and am not prepared to continue seeing him in person and developing feelings for him, knowing this is also going on Although I'm happy to maintain a friendship.Am I being unreasonable in holding back because of his online 'friendship' with this woman. Sure they may be friends but to me it just feels like there must be more to it.I don't want to act unfairly but I'm not prepared to get hurt again either. Opinions please Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 the fact that he tried to keep it a secret is disconcerting.
I met a man locally who was ( i found out later) ENGAGED to a woman online. She found out about me and she contacted me and I told her I would "win" (such a prize) because I had three things going for me LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.
and in the long run I did.
but he was no prize and it was not worth it.
the red flag to me is that he's keeping it secret.
I'd not invest too much emotional energy into this until you figure out what else he keeps secret and lies about
and do not be intimate with him physically
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 I agree, his daily contacts with her are showing this is more than a friendship.
You arn't in a relationship with him, you are just dating and it seems he is keeping his options open. Those kinds of people are best avoided if you think you are falling harder for them than they are for you!
I don't rule out people having friends of the opposite sex but the evidence is there...daily contact?...I don't think so.
I have a long distance best friend whose been my friend for over 10 years and we speak maybe once every couple of months!
Don't offer 'friendship only' if you are just using it to test his loyalty. Cut the cord completely if you are not happy because I guarantee he won't change his behaviour and you will just be relegated to the friends zone where you will fret and fester about if you did the right thing.He could also end up using you as a FWB which in my opinion is an 'unpaid prostitute' and destroys women.
I have seen women do this a million times and in the end, they end up being used.
Find a man whose just into you and avoid the ones who want the attentions of more than woman at a time!
Good luck and stay strong.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 I am with llifton, it sounds too much effort for just an ONLINE friendship. Or maybe, even for an IRL one, not many people have the time, or the need, to stay in touch with their friends each and every day of the week.
Plus, the fact that he tried to hide it from you is very telltale, if it's just a friendship why being secretive about it ?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 September 2013):
 in my opinion, people don't make that much of an effort to maintain a "friendship."
i have plenty of great friends, whom i love dearly. we catch up once every couple of weeks by phone and send a few texts every now and again. we will always be close. however, making that extreme of an effort to stay that close is way too much of an effort for someone who is just a friend, in my opinion. i can't imagine putting in that much time just for a friendship. i would only do that for a relationship.
no, you are not in the wrong for pulling back the reigns. who needs a relationship with you when he's got her?
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A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (26 September 2013):
 Dear OP,Until you're exclusive you don't really have a say in it ... probably they are just friends or he wants to get to know her more, either way its up to him..If you have a problem with that you should talk to him straight up and tell him that's bothering you and the two of you should be exclusive and not see each other, if he continues to say that they are just friends then you have got to believe it OP if you like this guy, you'd have to take this risk.
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