A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm with my boyfriend a year and it's been a little rough. We're a lot better now. I'm 19, and I just got an awesome job. Pays a lot. I moved in with my bf months ago, we're paying $800 for the basement of his mother's house. He doesn't have a job right now. I'm paying the rent, and his car and all the bills. He controls a lot of things in our relationship,I'm not allowed to hang out with my guy friends who were my best friends for 3 years, my family doesn't think it's a healthy relationship. I love my boyfriend very much, but my parents, grandparents, and friends, all think it won't last. Do you think I'm wasting my time? Do you think I should move back home to save money? What do you think?
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female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Dear anonymous writer,
Honestly if you are paying 800.00 a month to live in that basement and paying for the car and everything else then you are better off going and getting your owne place, listen to your family its not healthy this guys is living off of you i would get out of that relationship friends are always there for you and this guys is holding you back it will never work you love him now but you will get fed up with it really soon, i would honestly move back with your mom and save your money up intil you know you can make it on your owne, leave him befor its to late....good luck and hope you make the right choice.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 It seems like you are giving up a lot of things to stay in this relationship. At some point in the future, you are going to see how little balance there is and you will start to resent him. You also seem to be doing all the paying and working, so that his Mother gets her sons rent cheque(?) and he gets a car(?). To be blunt, I think this guy is using you. Often, when a person is controlling (with the potential to become abusive), one of the first things that they do is try to remove you from supportive friends and family so that they can tell you what to do (sounding familiar?). The reason he wants to control you is obvious, you are a very good breadwinner. Your family and friends love you, they are not trying to break you up, they simply want whats best for YOU. AskEve has a great point, you can move back home and date him! That way, you can see if he gets a job or not. If he doesn't get a job, all he wanted was someone else to take care of him. What on earth will you do if you get pregnant by someone who can't grow up enough to go out and get a job? I'm sorry, but he doesn't seem like a good boyfriend to me and I'm afraid your parents and friends are right. You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Why be so tied down at such a young age and be responsible for someone who disrespects you, your family and your friends. You sound like a smart young woman, you deserve better. Take Care and Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, rk06 +, writes (10 April 2007):
 Hey, this guy sounds like a deadbeat to me. Just being real.
About the guy friends thing. I see why he is nervous, he is afraid of losing you. Why not bring him along?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): So you are paying $800 a month to your boyfriends mum to live in her basement and her son is living in it too but pays nothing? Isn't that a little unfair?
I think you should listen to your family, but more importantly you should listen to your gut feeling.
You say your boyfriend is controlling, so why have you allowed him to control you? In situations like this, the problem isn't with your boyfriends behaviour but rather why you are allowing his behaviour to happen, he's only controlling because you allow him to be controlling. Controlling people are never invited in to the lives of those who can stand-up for themselves and show their independence and confidence.
You need to have a reality check. Are you really happy with how your life is right now? It doesn't sound like it to me. You're lucky, you have a supportive family and friends there to help you if you need it. Your family knows you best and I think maybe in this situation you should listen carefully to what they say - they know you best, after-all!
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (9 April 2007):
 It's what YOU think that really matters. You need to sit down and ask yourself some serious questions. Just how much to you love your boyfriend? Has he really tried to get another job? Is he using you? Is he too controlling for your liking? Why am I staying with him anyway? Write down the advantages and disadvantages of you living with him then make your decision.
Moving back home might give him the incentive required to get off his ass and find some work, he may be taking you for granted as, at the end of the day the bills are being paid. Moving back home will also give you the chance to save more money AND it will test both your feelings for one another!
Eve
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