A
male
age
51-59,
*ome_land
writes:why i cant have 2 wifes if both woman loves me and i love them , and who made that law for us and what is the sense of it? as we all know that woman get another kind of feelings and therefor man and woman fall in love and make a new life and they are the basic of human history and to 80% 2 woman fall in love with one man becouse ,so it is right to marry 2 woman and make better life with them or go on of switshing boy and girl friends until i find the right one and when you go to bed with that right one you start seeng your passt with a few girl or boy friends is it right to live like joy to learning ,and abarham had 2 wifes david had more than 2 and mohammad so what is right ,thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, garland  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I shall be getting married (not legaly in a church) next year to a man and another woman and we all love each other very much. We never argue and we all love being in bed together,there is no jealousy and we are all best of friends so I see no more greater problems having three in a marriage as opposed to having a couple in a marriage and I have so many friends who are supposedly in happy marriages but are bonking like rabbits with other people behing their partners backs where as we do not cheat and have no reason to
A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (21 July 2009):
you can certainly do this, but the legal "marriage" may have to be worked around. You may have to enter into a contract to grant each wife an equal share. One down side I didn't see mentioned, there will be days when they are both upset with you - these can be VERY LONG days... trust me...It's great when it's good, lots of fun, but when it's not going well, it can be very painful... in the end, worth every bit of work - but it's A LOT of work...!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): I see many people here thinking about the obvious sexual point of view. But I do not see people fully viewing the pro's and con's of this fully into detail.
Pro 1.) Lets get the obvious out of the way first... Yes, someone else is always in the mood (sexually) and the chances of being let down are slimmer. Yes, there is the chance of having a 3 some and yes physically you and your partners can further explore each other and each of your fantasies. The odds of things ever being dull maybe slim.
Con 1.) Now that there are 3 people (or more), the rest of the group may find one of you not 100% satisfying their needs and you may find yourself (or someone else) left out more. Because there is more possible ways to enjoy, there is also more possible ways to let down (in larger numbers).
The groups wants and needs may change. No matter how well of a lover someone is, you can't always please everyone and if one is disappointed it can impact the group. This of course can apply not only within the bed room, but outside of it as well.
Pro 2.) Always someone to talk with. You now have another (or more) people to connect with and see things in the same view as you.
You also have added someone else's knowledge and wisdom into the relationship. This opens a new door for intelligent conversation on topics which may have not interested your other partner (or group members). This can also open up new ways of thinking among you and you can further learn from each other.
This also has the "possibility" to resolve matters more quickly.
Con 2.) You now also have the chance of not only upsetting one person, but many. Imagine not having 1 wife/husband upset with you, but 2 (or more). If this happens more then often, then it can affect your relationship with all partners involved.
You're no longer being diplomatic with just one person, you've created a union (republic) in which there are more votes and the tips of power can sway more easily. You'll all have to come to an agreement on things mentally, physically, financially, and possible spiritually. The normal giving and taking is going to be a larger task then before.
This can also prolong matters.
Pro 3) Kids.. You have the chance to have children with one or more of your partners. This can be a very happy blessing shared among you all and there is now 2 (or more) people to help support the one who is pregnant through her "mood swings", food cravings, and sexual needs (or lack of). There is a higher chance of someone always being close by her and in support of her.
Women can either become pregnant together and share the experience or individually helping each other through this time.
The children will always have someone to watch of them and the chances of having to hire a babysitter are slim. Partners can also take turns in changing, feeding, and general child care. Education and development of the children can be a group effort and the children have a higher chance of better up bringing.
If the families involved are OK with the relationship,grandparents (and other family members) have more grandkids to experience and enjoy. Family gatherings can become an advent and there is a possibility of more close ties.
Should one of your partners not be able to have children, they can still enjoy the blessing of them without physically giving birth and you and your other partner can also adapt.
Should the unforeseen happen and someone was to pass away, they would do so knowing (100%) that their children would still be well taken care of and loved.
Con 3) One member of your "group" may not want or be able to have children. This can affect them if they see the joys you and the other partner (or partners) are experiencing that they feel left out or wish not to be involved. If one of the families of you or one of your partners are not OK with the relationship, it can also affect the children from being close to that side of your family (as you are all know 1 big family).
Pro 4) Family brings on a new term when being married to more then one person. You now have 2 ore more father and mother in-laws (bothers, sisters, ect....). Family gathers can be an advent to remember and they can be a grounding source of support when need be.
Con 4) If any part of the family from any partner (yourself included) is not OK with the relationship, it can affect you all. Lack of respect or understanding can at times put a strain on you and your partners.
Pro 5) Money... Your average home has 3 - 4 kids and 2 working members. If you married two women and each had 2 kids (4 total), you'd have 3 incomes or 2 incomes depending if one of your partners decided to be a stay at home mother/father.
So your income would be either the same as average or better. This could change depending on how many kids or wives/husbands you include into the relationship.
You have the chance of having more financial freedom and a better eye on the books, as there are more people keeping an eye on the spending. One member could "make up" or even teach another member on how to be more spend smart and how to invest more wisely. Again, you all have the chance to learn more from each other.
As you've all married together, you've also have a combined credit, income, and investments.
Con 5) You have the chance of going into dept faster. Someone within the group maybe careless and not so "spend smart" and this can affect everyone. If you're all poor at keeping your books, you'll find a quicker way down hill then average.
Pro 6) Trust & faith. The joy of knowing that you have not one, but 2 (or more) partners who have placed their trust and faith into you can be very overwhelming and can bring you all a higher since of peace at mind. The love you all share can be endless and more then rewarding.
Con 6) If one member of the relationship is unfaithful, it can lead to many questions or unrest among you all. A higher risk of infection (STD). If all partners are in agreement, they could leave someone (maybe even you) in the cold and replace you with someone else.
** In the end, I believe its up the the people involved if they wish to be with more then one partner and not the views of society. If it makes you and those involved happy, then who is to judge any of you.**
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A
male
reader, Wingcommander +, writes (11 August 2008):
As a "Alpha" male, I have a wife and a girlfriend who is soon to be our second wife, as I am married to an African women, this is an accepted practice and she has played a big part in bringing us together, I asked her if I could have another wife, so she went looking for me and we both chose her. Harmony is achieved when the two wives get along and all three of us work together as one. I am not saying its easy by any means, you all have to be mentaly strong. What we thought would be the hardest part was telling family members, but they were cool about it when they saw us together. Joe public on the other hand, I reserve judgement. The only addvice I would give if you are thinking about another wife or girlfriend,"YOU MUST BE OPEN AND HONEST AND TALK ABOUT ALL THE OPTIONS AND BOTH LOOK TOGETHER, AND BE IN AGREEMENT"
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A
male
reader, artisan691 +, writes (23 July 2008):
Hi well Islam understands this principle and allows upto four wives on the condition you can provide for all of them and treat them equally in terms of financial support and nights spent with each of the wives.
Try to be open about it with the women as they may not like sharing you.
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A
female
reader, TATTOOD +, writes (16 June 2008):
I THINK YOU SHOULD DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. ME AND MY HUSBAND BOTH LOVE OUR GIRL FRIEND, WHO HAS BEEN FRIENDS WITH BOTH OF US SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. WE ALL LOVE EACHOTHER VERY MUCH.PEPOLE DONT LIKE THE WAY WE LIVE CAUSE THEY DONT UNDERSTAND . THEY DONT UNDERSTAND HOW TO OPEN THERE MINDS AND SEE THAT NOT EVERYONE HAS TO LIVE THE WAY THAT THEY THINK I RIGHT.PLUS LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT. I WAS THE ONE THAT TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT I WANTED HER TO BE PART OF OUR LIFES,SO IT'S NOT SELFISH OR ONE SIDED ALL THE TIME. BUT IT IS A LITTLE MORE WORK.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2008): ok me and my wife have a GF we lover her very much yea alot of people lookat us funny but most say if you are happy thats all that matters i did not plan this it just happen i do not know why if gay can get married why can we not have 2 wifes or husbands ?????
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): The need to have a second wife or husband usually arises because the woman or man later in the marriage discovers he/she is attracted to someone else and that someone else is better that the husband /wife he or she married. There is also a question of lust on the part of both spouses. However, the greater lust comes froma wife who is attracted to other men who are like her type of husband - in status, height and built. This makes the house to be devoid of love and care. A man feeling neglected in this way would have to seek a better relationship. But it turns out that the woman he marries also do not want to leave but continue in the marriage and also her affair. This drives the man to seek fulfillment with another woman and eventually marriage. This is my story.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2008): Simple answer:
If you are strong enough for two go for it... being the flame means you will have to burn twice as bright for both.
Educated answer:
Most are not, this is usually suited for leader roles and not protector roles and unfortunately not for any nurturing roles... (e.g. hero for two vulnerable people or parent figure for two children)
The deep answer:
Alas, most males (or females) are cut out for this either... To be the prime opposite means a level of self-sacrifice you can't imagine, to not only to be "served" but to always serve the desires of the opposites. Every try to race two finish lines? Serving the desires of the opposites can destroy you completely...
-Dead King of Stars
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): I am also in this situation my friend, about having two wives that is! I can understand fully of what the issues you have with yourself. I had a cultural wedding (organised by my family) when i was 17 years old. I had no knowledge of what marriage was at that age and thought that my parents knew best. At the time of writing, 7 years and 2.5 children later, i knew that my parents did not do the best for me. I have battled long and hard but there is no love for her. I am in love with another woman (and have been for 6 years) and now want to marry her. I am willing to look after my first wife as she loves me but i dont love her but care for her. If you look at the statistics, there are more women in this world than men. I think it is ok if u do love both women as it keeps them away from being 'public property' (no one in their right minds would want their sisters or daughters to become this) so to speak. It at least gives them a husband who will, theoretically, provide for them and give them an equal share. But the only thing is, both women will have to understand that they will only be getting 50% of 'you' and you have to make sure that there is equality of love between the two.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): I am in a similar situation but my wife is in love with our girlfriend as well. We deal with the stereotypes daily and although it is hard I would not have it any different. We prefer those who judge us for being different just not associate with us. This includes a couple of previously so called friends who can do drugs and party all night while cheating on their wives/girlfriends but I cannot live with my wife and OUR girlfriend even though all 3 of want this ?
I don't understand where all these high and mighty answers came from for you. We are taught in this country that we are free and many thousands have given their lives to protect said freedom...Yet we can only be free if we agree with the mainstreams limited view???....Thats an attack on freedom itself and everything this country has stood for.
No one is getting hurt..we are all in agreement on what we want yet we are wrong in mainstream societies eyes? If you are in love with 2 woman and they love you, and ALL are AWARE of the situation and still want to stay together go for it. That's Freedom which OUR constitution protects. It does not ONLY protect the insecure and scared peoples of our country.
IMO those giving you a hard time are scared to death of people like us, because if there were more people like us those loosers would never get a woman as the stronger more attractive of our species would have more women leaving the ugly, screwed up people without a love. Sounds like natural selection to me and honestly a lot of these closed minded stuck up people have NO business raising children anyway thus should NOT have a woman to begin with.
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A
male
reader, home_land +, writes (27 March 2007):
home_land is verified as being by the original poster of the question hello and thanks very much for stina and the others that did try to help answering my question and only for the ones who employed proper manners of communication .and i really dont under stand why there is anger here i really didnt ask
that becouse i am sexual manic or mad person its just normal thing to me.
thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): Well by having 2 wives you not only would only have one relationship you are having two and you would be two-timing. Also if you were planning kids who would you have kids with? Or would you have them with both? It wouldn't be fair on the wives knowing that their husband has another wife. That is another to put a woman off their husband.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (27 March 2007):
You are just GREEDY. If you cant be satisfied with just ONE wife, there something WRONG WITH YOU. Plus, TWO wives means you have to remember and buy for TWO birthdays and TWO anniversarys. It would cost alot more. Your stupid.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Dagwood's linked article says it all. The world's population is 49% male and 51% female, and China's problem with the lack of marriagable women due to most families aborting female children is proof of how badly things can go wrong for society when we disturb the natural balance. BUT, If I let my husband have another wife, democracy rules and NO more Hockey Night in Canada! That does point out a fly in the ointment - who do you think would be ruling the roost with two females and one male? I think the only way that men would be able to make the rules would be two males, one female!!! I agree with Reebe, one Good Man is plenty!
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Hi there,
I can't really understand most of your post, but I think I got the gist of it. You asked "what is right" at the end - well, nothing is "right" and nothing is "wrong" when it comes to relationships. It all depends on what the couple (or whoever is involved in the relationship) wants.
If you are all happy in this relationship together, then why can't you all live together and keep the relationship going? You won't be married by law, but you'll all have what you want, right?
Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): Why would anyone in their right minds want two husbands or two wives. One is quite enough to keep happy - thank you very much! What kind of a dopey person would want that!!!????? Mad men, wanting their cake and eating it!!!
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, home_land +, writes (27 March 2007):
home_land is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhello and thank you all
i understand from a woman point vew it differant and i have said that when woman loves a man she wont look at onother one when she really loves him becouse they are woman they bring kids to this world and they feel that more than men do mother feelings are the most great thing on earth therefor the one who asked if she can get 2 husbans i can tell her if she is sure that that is the real feelings of female or woman then its up to you to do that and its not a battle of woman or man rights its about diffrences of feeligs,i do read what people talk about here its mosly about he or she missed around i really dont agree with that once i can love and take care and support 2 wives its not west or east south north story its a deep point in human history and a better way to have a clean realtion ship with your partners , and i think that from a woman point vew its that they dont want to shaire what they have with another woman , and that make the peace bulance not right becouse i am sure that nations shaire the earth and cant own it ,
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A
female
reader, Bailey J +, writes (27 March 2007):
 The whole point in getting married is declaring your love to just one man or woman. Its about making a sacrifice to them, saying there are thousands of man/women in the world but I love you, and only you. If you love two women then it’s not truly love... its just plain greedy.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 In western Christian society it's become one of the values that have been put into law but this does not mean that it's right or wrong just what is normally accepted. If the women agree then you can choose to be with as many as you want but you just can’t do this legally. Personally I don't agree with it but there are many debates for and against polygamy! Here's a link I found which outlines some of the problems that can be associated with polygamous societies. http://www.reason.com/news/show/117323.html
I'm sure some readers will find this interesting. Hope this helps. Take care.
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female
reader, Reebe +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Depends on your beliefs I suppose. From where I stand 1 husband is as much as I want, why have 2 when you can have all you want and need from 1 loving person as long as it's the right one. Plus 2 husbands would be twice the headache! You seemed to of posted alot of "problems" on here home_land.
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female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (27 March 2007):
 Does that mean I can have 2 husbands?
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