A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am a 27 year Old man with 2 pre-school children and a 3rd child due in July. I am having problems with my relationship with my partner who I love dearly.The problems I /we are having are constant arguing over minor things such as:1) Money (not that its a problem just that i am not alound much of a say in what happens to it),2) Feel like I am being spoke to like one of my pre-school children,3) My hobbie (Cars) are not allowed to be done unles my partner lets me,I work full time Mon-Fri and look after the kids @ weekends when my partner works part time evening shift's on a Fri and sat night as a nurse. All I have asked for recently is a bit of ME time some time to myself to de stress and unwind. I have suggested that we both do this. but my partner just wants to make an argument out of that and belittle me. This is making our relationship very hard to deal with as I love her dearly and don't know what to do?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (10 April 2007):
 Hi and God Bless You!
I know how hard it can be when the kids are small. I can only tell you as the other half - I stayed home and raised the kids and he worked 7 to 7, travelling 35% of the year. When he came home, I wanted a break and so did He! I wanted to get OUT of the house and he was sick of being AWAY from the house. It always seemed to be a big power-struggle. The one thing I can offer as an explanation is that the reason your wife talks to you like a little child is because 70% of her week is spent talking to kids! She probably is having a hard time relating to other grown-ups and needs a bit of down-time herself. She may not even be aware of how she is relating to you. I think I'd try to kid her out of it, maybe stand in the corner (not sarcastically) and see if you can get her giggling with you. At a certain point I think I related to EVERYONE as a Mommy, it kind of takes over your life! If you ask a woman to describe herself, she will usually say, "I'm a Mother of 3, Married for 8 years, and I'm a Nurse". Men will generally say, "I'm an Accountant, I have a Wife and 3 KIds", so we tend to define ourselves in different terms. Money is the tough one, there is never enough when the kids are growing up. The only way to get a say in how it is spent is by doing the books together and doing the shopping together. Then you'll know how much can be put aside for other things. If you sit down together and set a budget (thank god for computer programs), you should put aside a small amount that you can each use for hobbies. If you want to work on you car, you could hire a sitter or get your Mom over babysit and let your wife go get a manicure - then you will both be having a break and she won't feel resentful. It sounds like you need a date night too, if all you do when you see each other is work or complain, no one is having any fun. It doesn't have to cost more that the babysitter - grab a local paper and there are bound to be free exhibits. Getting a little closer and enjoying each other again will help the stress around the house. AND lastly, I'm sure she's probably hormonal and just plain tired. It's hard being pregnant and never having a break. If you have family and friends that can help, grab them and enlist them. You may not want to hear this, but this too shall pass. When your kids are teenagers, you'll be wondering where the time went, so take a deep breath and hug your babies, it doesn't last forever. You will have lots of time, sooner that you think. At the stage you are at, the hard work in raising the children is all physical and very demanding. You sound like a wonderful, but tired, Dad and Partner! I wish you all the best with your Baby-On-Board and I hope that some of these observations I had going through all this helped.
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