A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:About 5 years ago I had a relationship with the most fantastic guy I have ever known. After a while he had to move away with his job, I had commitments and couldnt go with him. We carried on seeing each other for a while but eventually decided it was to far. We have always stayed in touch. Since then I have met someone else and am supposed to be getting married. Since getting engaged the other guy has moved back to the area. When I told him about the enagagement he was really upset. Stupidly we started seeing each other again and it was fantastic, just like the old days, as if we had never been apart. Just recently however he has been really distant, but I cant get him out of my head. What should I do?
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male
reader, agony_uncle_r +, writes (3 April 2007):
be honest with your fiance...especially if your now cheating on him. if you cant commit to a relationship the last thing you should do is marry.this guy disapears then seems sad youve met someone else after all his time away?..whos he to expect you not to move on, now the funs dying as you become more serious hes backing off again. so you cheated on your fiance for that kind of guy? well done
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 April 2007):
 If you go back and read your letter again yourself, you will see that the ONLY person you described in your question is the "other" guy! The only thing you said about your fiance is "someone else", "engaged" and "married". It's pretty obvious where your heart is. You need to tell your fiance that the wedding is off. It's better to take a chance now and try to get back with the person you adore than marry a man when you know it's not quite right. It's never going to be a good marriage when your head and heart aren't in it (marriage is hard enough without starting on such shakey grounds). He is probably being distant because he is hurt and he is a decent guy who doesn't want to split up an engaged couple (so it's probably a good sign). Take a chance and follow your heart. Good Luck Hun!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): I agree with the Anonymous below. Don't get married if you're having second thoughts. At the very least postpone it.
I, myself, have just recently been faced with circumstances similar to your break-up with your ex. A break-up that has nothing to do with the feelings that exist between the two of us and everything to do with external issues such as distance.
People keep telling me that if the feelings are true and the passion is strong then external forces shouldn't keep us apart. It is true but only to a degree, you probably know that yourself. Sometimes things just can't work in the now despite feelings and passion. We live in a new, fast and complicated world where feelings have started to bridge over oceans and continents in complete contradiction to logic and even immigration laws. It changes things and it can be hard. But I like to believe that part of that statement is true. That nothing will stop true love, but sometimes it can be held back for a while and that might have been what happened to you.
I believe that fate is a fickle, funny thing. Move with your heart. I think if you go ahead with your marriage you might be left wondering for as long as it lasts and neither you nor your husband to be would want that.
Lastly, check out the movie "The Notebook". It's fiction of course and not a guidebook to life and love. But relevant all the same... if you're a romantic that is...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): Don't get married, you are only going to regret it if you do. You seem far more interested in the other guy than your fiance so get out of this engagement and dump him.
As for the other guy if you both still have feelings then get back together. After all it wasn't as if you both wanted to split up in the first place (when he moved away with his job) and seeing as your feelings for each other are still there and are looking strong i say go for it.
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