A
female
age
30-35,
*hattodowhattodo
writes:my long time boyfriend and i have been arguing about him going out with the boys lately. he wants to go out soon alone however i believ he may hang with a guy and girl...thats ok except the girl likes him and im not sure if she would do anything and im not sure if my guy would do anything with her or any other girl! why would my guy cheat? sometimes i think he doesnt love me anymore however he clames he does...i just dont know what he would do with the boys alone when he hasn't hung out with them alone in awhile... i scared he'll cheat...will my guy cheat on me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): The most important thing always in any relationship is trust. Frankly, I wouldn't trust a guy who told me that he was going out with the guys, but also included a girl who had a crush on him...
A
male
reader, ukmatt  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 Hey there!
Firstly, there is no way any of us can answer the 'will he cheat on me' part to the dilemma that you've posted up. After having read a few of the comments posted up by others, there seems to be a few interesting things to explore here. You must first establish if the whole issue of trust is showing itself because either you don't feel that you trust him, or that you feel insecure about your relationship. It's only natural for anyone in a relationship to feel threatened by extrinsic forces (ie other men or women), as it's the "If I fancy and want him, other people will too' scenario.
I must admit that I don't agree with the statement of 'if a girl is going, then you get to go' attitude either. You must be able to trust your partner and allow him the opporunity to 'chill' with people that are outside of the relationship group. All too often, I have witnessed people and couples in crisis because they don't spend time apart from each other, resulting in feelings of suffocation and stress. Your partner's need or urge to socialise with people outside of your network of friends is a natural desire, and one that will allow him to value even more the time that you both share together.
I will agree though that Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship. I would argue with those who say that it is the foundations on which a relationship grows, as trust must be earned before it can be added to the infractructure of the relationship. The more you trust him, and the more he proves his committment to you, the stronger your relationship will become. What happens if he cheats on you when he goes out? The structure becomes wobbly, a few bricks fall off, and then it is you who needs to decide whether or not to work at reinforcing it, or just demolish it.
There's no getting away from the fact that people are too quick in jumping to the proverb of "While the cat's away, the mice will play." It may not be so. If you have serious issues concerning trust with your partner, then these need to be discussed as a priority. If you're honest with yourself though and feel that deep down, you already know the answer to your post, and that he wouldn't do it, then give him a chance. If though, deep down, there is serious issues to be discussed about your relationship, then sooner rather than later is usually the best approach.
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A
female
reader, peppersalt +, writes (11 April 2007):
look, if you feel it's at a point where you need to do things to prevent your guy cheating on you it's not going to work out. if all it depends on is whether or not you're there to stop him, you're never gona be able to keep tabs on him all the time and eventually he'll cheat (if he wants to, and you're not just being paranoid).
you have to relax and accept that a relationship without trust is pointless. let him go out with whoever he likes, if he's going to cheat when you're not there he is not worth it and you need to find someone who you can trust not to cheat even if he's stood in a room full of horny naked girls.
I trust my bf 100% and although it may make us feel uncomfortable if one of us hangs out ALONE with a mate of the opposite sex we know we trust each other completely to never ever cheat. and if one of us did, it'd be over instantly. this is just your guy hanging out in a group which may include another girl. whether she likes him or not is irrelevant, it's his reaction that matters. and if you don't trust him not to cheat/he feels it's ok to cheat if you're not there then this relationship isn't going anywhere and needs to end.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 Hanging out with the guys includes guys, if there is a girl, you get to go. Period. I'd certainly let him know that THAT is the rule. Otherwise, plan a night a night out with the girls and ONE guy who makes HIM really nervous. After that, You should be able to figure out what he's up to OR Really make your point that way. It's a little childish, but I'm sure it will work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): Hi, I think You need to chill out a bit about this, I think your blowing this out of proportion, The cooler you are about him going out with his bud’s the less likely he’ll stray and so what if this girl likes him if he wanted her he’d be with her, The fact is he wants you
One of the reasons men cheat, Is when there girlfriend’s stop them having
their freedom I’m not saying your doing that though, you say he hasn’t been out with them alone in awhile I’m guessing that was his choice because you relationship is still new and fresh and he loved spending his free time he used to spend with them with you? he still loves being with you, I’m sure but he Just probably misses his friends,
it sounds like he does care for you, but if you want that extra spark back I suggest you start going out with your friends too tell him you fine going out tell him to have fun, have something else going on with you that night so you wont be worrying Have confidence in yourself and don’t seem threatened by other women your only giving them power then, Good Luck xx
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reader, ChiRaven +, writes (10 April 2007):
 OK, so he's going to hang out with a guy and a girl. If he cheats with the girl, what is the GUY doing all that time? I wonder, though, if he's hanging out with the two of them why aren't YOU included? That would make a lot more sense to me.
As far as "hanging out with the guys" in general is concerned, that's something that guys do. It's not something that you should be alarmed about. They often won't find it quite as important when they're first with a woman (and are probably wanting to spend 25 or 30 hours a day in the bedroom anyway), but as time goes on they find they want to see the guys once in a while ... maybe even once a week or so. It BY ITSELF is not an indication that your guy is cheating.
Now that doesn't mean he isn't. If there are other signs (secret phone calls, going out at other times, inexplicably having to "work late", big drains on your budget that can't be accounted for, etc.) then it's time to start worrying that he's got someone else. But just the desire to go out with the guys, all by itself is a natural thing for guys.
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A
female
reader, maria14r +, writes (10 April 2007):
you know what if he tells you that he loves you and he looks into your eyes when he says it then he means it and if he means it then i dont think that he would do anything that would hurt your relationship. i learned that when i fell the same way and i would ask his friend and my friends that saw him around and he was always with his friends and some of his friends that are girls but he never did anything with them girls.
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