A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So here's the deal.I had a long distance relationship for a while and eventually I moved to be with her. We lived together for about 3 months and then I had to leave again. The plan was for me to come back a month later and we would be reunited. However, at this point she started feeling that I wasn't settling in well enough, that she was holding me back and that my relocating limited my options for the future. On these grounds she broke up with me and then, having dealt with her own trauma from the break-up, she decided this would probably be best for her too, to spend some time alone.It's been a month and a half now since I left her and things have been up and down between us. Mainly for the fact that I've had a hard time dealing with the break-up and she doesn't see a future for us right now given our separation.I am in a position to make my fortune pretty much anywhere and have full control over what I want to do with my life. I have no financial obligations and no children. The only difference is that over there it would be harder for me to succeed than it is where I'm at now. She fears that if I relocated for her I will regret it and will take it out on the relationship.My question to you is this, should I just go over there, rent a flat, make new friends and start my life anew over there. I already pretty much brought my life to point zero to be with her and need to start it again anyway.I am wondering if I should try starting my life again over there to show her that I'm a strong person that can make things for himself and that I am dedicated enough to her and the relationship to be willing to be there with or without her. And in any case that if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now at least I'd be there when/if she is.Do I make sense or am I just dreaming?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2007): Thank you birdynumnums and thank you Melanne.
Firstly, Birdynumnums, "over there" was my fourth. I could shoot for five if I wanted to but I'm not sure I want to just now knowing that she's there.
Secondly, Melanne. I think it might stand a chance because she has said so. She says she loves me and that she hopes that one day we can be together but that right now because of our circumstances it just wont work. It may be an easy way out for her and an excuse but the fact is that up until I left we were so happy and she so openly and freely expressed her love for me. After I left she got very depressed and very noticeably so by members of her family. She might be playing a very cruel and wicked game with me by using very lousy excuses to get rid of me (sometimes I think and feel that myself) but because I know her to be an honest person and love her very much I am always inclined to trust and believe her.
My thoughts on love. You can't have love without trust. If you love something you make sacrifices and fight to the death for it. And finally in the words of Helen Keller, "Life is a daring adventure or nothing."
I know by a lot of people standard I am a pretty brave guy. I'm brave because I want my life to be an adventure. I fight for what I love and believe in because I feel otherwise there is not much worth living for and if you don't fight you can't say you gave it your all.
However, I know I am also setting myself up for a potentially enormous fall here and I'm not sure if it would impress or annoy her.
At the very least I think I'd need to fly out there for a few days, if not to patch things up and make it work, then at least to get her to tell me face to face, get closure and get all my stuff back. :P
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 April 2007):
 It makes more sense to put 100% into one decision that you know is to your benefit, than to sit and wait on something that is not a sure bet. Often throwing yourself 100% into something positive brings other influences that are positive into our lives. You may find happiness is not where you are right now, but out there looking for you. Hope this didn't sound too much like a fortune cookie. You sound like a great catch - Good Luck with Everything. By the way, I am now living in my 4th country and having a great time!
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A
female
reader, Melanne +, writes (1 April 2007):
 It sounds as though she was making all the decisions for you how do you think you settled in there? She said that she felt like she was holding you back, but would she listen to you when you tried to tell her you wanted to be with her? It sounds as though she made all the decisions for you. It all seems to be on her terms like when she broke up with you. Did you have any say in the matter? I am not sure if you feel the same way that she made all the decisions for you like when she decided it would be best for her to spend time alone and deal with the trauma. Was it a trauma for her or did she want to break up with you? Was she just trying to make excuses?
It's been a while since you left her and things are still not right between you. You sound like you have struggled with the break up and not had an easy time with things. You say she does not see a future for you and I am wondering if you really want to be hanging around waiting for someone who really is not sure that you are right for her. I know this probably sounds harsh, but the reality is she has decided that you are not the one for her and there is nothing you can do to change her mind. You need to accept that she has finnished with you and move forward. There are other girls out there and if she doesn't want to be with you then it is pointless waiting to see if she will change her mind.
You say you can make your fortune anywhere and have full control over your life so maybe it is better to focus your attention on someone who really cares for you. You have the world at your oyster with no children or financial obligations this means that you can go anywhere you want. You don't have to be lead on believing this girl will change her mind. You already realise it would be harder for you to succeed over there and with the fact that this girl has no interest in you, you really do not need to be there for her. She seems to be saying to you that she doesn't want to be with you when she says you would regret moving over there and would take it out on the relationship. Does she really think like this or are these just excuses saying she doesn't want to be with you?
You say you need to start your life again and I think if you went over there thinking there may be a chance one day it wouldn't be moving on or getting on with your life. Why don't you move somewhere completely new and different? Somewhere nobody knows you so you can start your life again and maybe meet someone who really wants to be with you.
You do make sense in what you say, but you also need to think things through logically. If this girl doesn't want to be with you now what's to say she'll want to be with you in the future? This relationship obviously isn't right or this wouldn't have happened. Think about how it would make you feel to move somewhere completely new and different and start your life all over again? Think about what would happen if you moved over to where that girl lives and gave up everything and then spent years carrying on with your life then find out she doesn't want to be with you. How would that make you feel?
All the best.
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