A
female
age
41-50,
*illady55
writes:I wrote on here before for some advice bacause 5 months ago i found out my bf was textin and ringin a girl from his work.I had rang the girl to ask why they were textin each other and she said NOTHING was goin on between them and they were just "friends". I told them both that i wasnt going to stay with him if it carried on (as the texts were quite flirty).After a few weeks she changed her number and they started textin again, i found out beacause of the call records on the pc. We had a big row about it and we split up. We have been together 10 years and have 3 children together (i am 29 he is 47 and has been married before) The girl rang me and again said there was nothin sexual between them, "they were just mates". He was very upset and apologetic so after a few days we got back together, but i told him he was to never ring or text her again (which he agreed to)My trust in him had took a big dent but i was tryin really hard to get over it all and put a big effort into makin our relationship work. Last week every time i was ringin his mobile when he was at work i was gettin the message that "this phone was unavailable" and his call list was always empty, so i wondered if he was puttin another sim card in while he was at work. Yesterday he went out so i had a look in his stuff and found a sim card. I registered it on pc and brought up the call list (it was a pay as u go one) there was 60 texts to her in a week. iv confronted him this morning and he says they just text but thats it, that they are not "sleepin with each other" iv told him WE ARE FINISHED !! the trust has been shattered and i cant beleive him any more. He has been getting his friends to ring me assuring me that nothing is going on between them but I don't know what to believe or what to do. Please give me some advice !!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 April 2007):
 Hi,
You have found out about this because you were wise enough to trust your own instincts. He has not been honest with you in the slightest. If the texts you read were flirty, he has no business being in touch with her and telling you to believe him that nothing is going on. Why would he be hiding an extra sim-card if he was being truthful with you? You have caught him in his lies so the next step is up to you. It's obvious that he is not going to even try to be truthful with you, so you should really decide either how many times you want to go through this again in the future, or put your foot down and tell him he is out of your life for good. Having his friends lie on his behalf suggests that he hangs around with people who approve of his behaviour, so he is not going to even try to change. Did he cheat on his ex-wife as well? Sometimes you can't change a man. Maybe it's time to get a new one who treats you properly, you deserve to be with someone who respects you and sets a good example for your children. You should believe in yourself and your own strengths, he's not a man of strong enough character for you. I'm so sorry for all your trouble and heartaches, I wish you all good things in your future.
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