A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:just want to get a certain situation of my chest.had a major crush on a guy at work, who's married, for 5 years. He is about 30 years older than me but very, very handsome for his age and very suave and sophisticated. He started off teasing me cos i used to blush and giggle and then he got flirtier and flirtier. He was having a shit time in his marriage at the time. Although i reallly fancied him, i was never seriously considering doing anything cos of his age and the main fact that he is married. He did try some moves on me though like accidental touches and bumping into me, dropping comments. Then i started seeing someone and he went moody and stopped the flirting altogether. Then i had to work on his section of the hospital and it started up again. He would drive past me on the street and his jaw would drop to his knees and his head would be turned looking at me like he'd never seen a woman before. This carried on for another 4-5 months but died a death again because every time he came even close to coming on to me I gave him the brush off. Then he was moved to another section of the ward and i would only see him briefly, sometimes i got the hint he was coming in to see me. He would flirt and again i would blush and act silly. Then i started to get dead nervous cos i was worried that other members of our nursing team would know i fancied him so i started physically shaking and jumbling my words up every time he came near me or talked to me. He must have noticed. he would get really jealous if he saw me with another man ( i was seeing one of the other nurses ) and sarcastic towards me sometimes. I could tell he still liked me as he would try his hardest to find out things about my life but i would never let him know a thing because i was so nervous and this physical shaking that i had started to get had become worse because i was anticipating it happening every time.We do have the same sense of humour as each other and when i was feeling good i made him really laugh. Then just before christmas it all started up again. I got some confidence up and i suppose i did start flirting back. He started coming to my ward more and more often. He would come over to talk to me about patients but instead of talking he would just look into my eyes for several seconds with a glint in his eyes. Then one day i was looking good cos i had been for a jog and had a healthy glow to my skin and was feeling good and his eyes widened when he was looking at me and remained like that for several seconds - almost like he was shocked. Two days later I was in his presence on the ward again and i couldnt' speak to him again because i had been thinking about him too much and just knew i would make a fool of myself so made minimum eye contact and spoke to him with my head down. He must have been offended cos he wished me a happy xmas but it sounded almost sad. It was then x-mas leave and everyone went on leave and when we came back he avoided me like the plague.Now don't get me wrong, i am happy because there is no way on this earth i would have another woman's husband (although i do miss the buzz) but i just wondered what caused this turn around? I have never been so attracted to anyone this much in my life. Did he think i was some kind of psychopath for being so cold?
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at work, christmas, confidence, crush, flirt, jealous, married man, teasing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): Thank you for your repies. And thank you for not being too judgemental with me. You're right - I have side stepped a potential disasterous situation. I think deep down I knew there was nothing ever good going to come out of this and if it started up again, I would only get paranoid that everyone knew what I was thinking and feel really guilty. It's weird because I was silently praying to myself "please don't come to my section of the ward today" I just knew I would make myself look an inch tall. I'm trying not to think of him, seriously I am, but isn't it always the way that when somethings not there any more you think of it even more.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 March 2007):
 He did not think you were being a psychopath. He thought that he had a chance and it sounds like he has a crush on you. He believes that you have finally come to your senses and put a stop to it before anything happened. I think it is exactly what you described! Now you need to put some other thoughts into your head - giving up your twenties for a guy who won't leave his wife - marrying a guy whose adult children hate you - raising a family with him and having him die too soon - your young children losing their dad - your grandchildren never seeing there grandpa. I know that you have said that you would never consider going through with this, but you really were playing with fire here. HE thought you wanted to do more than flirt. If you start this again, he will expect you be serious this time (as far as sex goes). I think you are a smart, attractive, level-headed young woman who just side-stepped a really bad situation. You have already made the right decision. Flirting can be the safest sex there is, but you have to make sure that you are both on the same page. A lot of men don't know where to draw the line and they will take their cue from you. I hope this helped you a bit, sorry if it was too preachy, but those guys can be really bad news for a young woman. You deserve to find a future-husband who doesn't look at anyone but you! Take Care! XX
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (26 March 2007):
 I am so so proud of you for leaving him alone because he is a married man even tho' you fancied him something rotten. I appreciate the attraction of an older sophisticated man but he is just being a dirty old dog looking at and flirting with a beautiful young nurse. He is ignoring you because deep down he knows what he has been doing and leading you on is wrong. He does not think you are a psychopath he just knows he shouldn't be behaving like that and has stopped it. Men like this can be very manipulative so he could be playing the old chestnut of ignoring you to make you more keen as we all know what being ignored does but I wouldn't play if I was you. I do actually think he knows what he has been thinking, up to etc is wrong and he has decided to stop it. It is absolutely nothing to do with you and he likes you as much as ever. He is obviously a decent man who has come to his senses or the wife has suspected something is going on and put her foot down!! Honey, keep well away if you can as it will all end in tears and I can promise you they won't be his!!.
All the best sweetie just ignore him and his nonsense,
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): Good lawd, woman, you are giving this far more attention than it deserves! He is MARRIED as you yourself have noted and you tell us you have no intention of playing along with him.
If that is so, why on earth are you dwelling on it to this extent? WHAT he thinks or does not think is completely irrelevant - find something better to occupy your mind with - such as finding a compatible, single guy, for heaven's sake.
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