A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Advice needed! My ex broke up with me at the end of last year.His parents, who I have known since I was born and really get on very very well with (our mothers were friends), seem to be coming over to our house alot more (both planned and on the spur of the moment) and going out places with me, and can’t seem to do enough for me; miles more so now we have split up. Why are they doing this? I can’t decide if my ex has put them up to this to keep an eye on what I am up to, or they are feeling guilty for him dumping me or it is just coincidence? I sometimes think they are trying to catch me out with a man or something!My ex’s Dad and I have a mutual interest that we now spend all our spare time doing, which although I am very happy doing this, I sometimes question the motives behind it because of the timing. I wonder if anything I am chatting to with to my ex’s Dad gets back to him. I never discuss the subject of men with him.The other night I was joking around and I said I would need to find myself a different man to dance the slow numbers with, at which point my ex’s Dad gave me a really funny look like I had said something really bad and when I started checking a guy out he would notice and suddenly speak to me to draw my focus away from any guy I was looking at. He was doing it again tonight. I was checking this guy out and he suddenly blurted a load of stuff out. I feel there is something funny going on. I considered the fact that he might fancy me but I am glad to say he categorically doesn’t so I am really not sure what is going on. I don’t know if I am reading things that are not there or not. Any ideas what is going on?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 April 2007):
 I suspect that they are emotionally attached to you and still view you as their Daughter-in-Law. I'm sure this has been hard on them, especially since your Mom and your Ex-Mum-in-Law were friends while you were growing up. Your Ex Mum-in-Law probably thought that you and he were an ideal match because of her relationship with your Mom. This can't be good for their relationship with their son, however. They may be angry at their son. You have not said the reasons why you split. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't harbor any hopes of reconcilliation because of his parents behaviour. It is actually a little inappropriate and disloyal to their son for them to be dropping in on you all the time. I think that They love you and They didn't get a say in your split-up. It is hard for parents to watch their adult children go through relationships and not have their hearts involved to some degree. I was quite heart-broken after one of my children lost their long-time partner. I don't think your ex has put them up to this or that it is spying, I think they just don't accept that it is final and have their own hopes. Although they are friends of your family too, it would be best to put a little distance between you. If your are at the same event, don't mention your love life around them and don't allow them to discuss your Ex - just change the subject. Give them a bit of time and space to accept the fact that they have lost you - as a Daughter-in-Law. But by all means, invite them to any future celebrations that your family would and include them as You AND your Mom's Friends. Hope this Helped, Best of Luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): very very strange with the amount of uncertainty going on i think you have two choices one you just come right out and say what on your mind to his dad.if it carries on then tell his wife.two you cut all ties.personally this sounds very odd.i think youd be better off walking away.also turning up at your house unnanounced???havent they got friends their own age too?another important factor is while you are spending so much time with your ex inlaws insnt it preventing you from moving on?once you do meet someone new how will he feel about this?you should speak up now.be brave and confront this issue as it sounds like its all getting very uncomfortable.
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