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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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My dad would touch me while I was sleeping as a child, I only started remembering this last year. Please help me.
Q. Hi. I am 30 years old with 3 beautiful children. I have had horrible relationships in the past, abusive, and now I am a single mother. My dad is an alcoholic, and as a child he was very touchy feely with me all the time. I hated it but didn't ...
A. 1 July 2008: Your welcome. In a way we're in the same position. Build yourself up before sharing life with another. My goal is to remain single until death do I part. At times it can get lonely. With my raising kids as well, my priorities are not in line with ... (read in full...)
My dad would touch me while I was sleeping as a child, I only started remembering this last year. Please help me.
Q. Hi. I am 30 years old with 3 beautiful children. I have had horrible relationships in the past, abusive, and now I am a single mother. My dad is an alcoholic, and as a child he was very touchy feely with me all the time. I hated it but didn't ...
A. 30 June 2008: Let me ask you this. Are your children girls or boys? It sounds like the flashbacks are regressed episodes. Even having a child who reminds you of you when you were young will trigger memories your child self tried so hard to hide.
I'm going to a... (read in full...)
I love him but he is being really cruel to me...should I file for a divorce??
Q. For the past few months my husband has been threatening divorce, and it's been really lowering my self-esteem. We got married and moved to the states this year. He is able to work, and I wasnt able to work since I had no authorization. Recently, I ...
A. 30 June 2008: No one does deserve to be treated this way. With him threatening as he is, I'd recommend moving on. I know it's hard to make that choice with how you feel about him, but there are times there is no other choice. You have the right to be safe, to ... (read in full...)
I love her. She's the light of my life. But when she won't even let me have some fellowship with my friends in peace, it really does drive me away...any advice???
Q. My wife and I have been married for 6 years, as of this past April. We have a good relationship, by my reckoning. We have 1 son, who is 3 years old. I like to go out and try new restaurants, whereas she doesn't. I like to have friends over for...
A. 30 June 2008: Looking at your story, you're a good husband, and a good father. It's nice with the time you spend with your son and not having the "she sticks me with him all the time attitude."
Have you asked her why she feels this way? Her perception may be d... (read in full...)
I currently live with my dad but I want to live with my mum!
Q. I am 13. I lived with my dad for a long time now about 8 years with my younger brothers. I now want to live with my mom, but I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings. What do I do?...
A. 29 June 2008: I'm a single dad. I have 2 living with me and 2 who don't. We've discussed them moving in with me. But, what I tell them is they have to make that choice. I love them when they are with me and when they are not. Choosing to live with their mom ... (read in full...)
I want to end my relationship with him but I love him.
Q. i really need help with this. i met my boyfriend 2months ago and we barely know each other before dating.he told me he was an investor and he loves spending and he was also a young millonaire. we met through myspace and hookd up and afterwards ...
A. 28 June 2008: your too young to be worrying about meeting people on myspace. Especially when they state they are someone they are not. Change your passwords. No one should have your password, and being in a relationship doesn't give them an excuse to have it.
I... (read in full...)
Can anyone help me with a confidence problem? Any websites?
Q. CoNFIDANCE 1 thing i really dont have and i ned help fast i feel drained i give up on everything because it dont work out the first time for me.. My heart wants 2 stand out and be different than every body and i really want to acheive the...
A. 25 June 2008: With the signes you've provided. I believe you need to see a doctor and be tested for ADHD. That would explain your not completing what you start, and loosing confidence. This happens because people with this disorder do things different than ... (read in full...)
Should I get involved with this woman with two kids? Can I express to her how mad I am for her past mistakes? Please guide me through this!
Q. Woman with 2 kids, what should I do? We're both 23 years old I'm single and not involved in any relationship yet She's got two kids, one from a relationship from highschool and the other just recent from a three year long relationship. This beau...
A. 25 June 2008: If you're not ready to be in a relationship with children, you shouldn't date someone who has kids.
Let me tell you something, through a parents point of view. My kids came in a time of my life where I wasn't quite ready. I adjusted my plans and ... (read in full...)
I know I hurt him, I know I lied over and over, but now I want him back!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nine years. We have lived togehter for eight of those years. I love him. The beginning of our relationship was great we had so much fun together got along great. He was my best friend. At my job about three ye...
A. 25 June 2008: First, lets look at this from his side. You hurt him, lied too him, caused him a great deal of mental harm, had a emotional affair. With this being said, do you deserve another chance? I'm not talking about wanting one. Deserving and wanting are ... (read in full...)
If he took off with my daughter I would be devastated! Please help!!
Q. I have a daughter that is about to turn 7. Her father and I split up in November 2005. He has not helped us at all. He has moved on and married another woman that has 3 kids. He has seen my daughter a handful of times and all but one my olde...
A. 25 June 2008: It sounds as if visitation has not been re-established for long distance. Unlike Holland, child support in the United States is separate from visitation. What you can do, if you know where he may be employed, is to notify the Colorado child support ... (read in full...)
I love him, but I'm sure I've lost him. how can I cope?
Q. I have problems with my bf. Or maybe soon to be ex. Probably soon to be ex. See, we have a long history of issues because in my past I was with some guys he knew. This was way before I met him, but when we started dating I never told him, even t...
A. 25 June 2008: There is one sentence that comes to mind. "What the hell are you doing????" The more you placed blame on yourself, the more I got frustrated with you. You are blaming yourself for his actions. Why? He blames you for not changing. Why do you allow ... (read in full...)
I saw my ex forcing my friend to have sex, but she doesn't want me to tell anyone!
Q. My friend got raped by my ex. I am 16 and so is my friend. My ex, he is 19 in a few days. Just yesturday my friend and I had a party because we had just graduated from school. yea we r young don't ask. Ok so we threw a party and I invited my...
A. 25 June 2008: He needs to be arrested. Your friend should not have to live in fear. Rape, is rape, and those who do that generally don't stop after just one time. They find others. This would not only protect your friend, but also protect those who he had not ... (read in full...)
How to I make my daughter a lady and not a tramp?
Q. Help please!! I am a single dad and live with my daughters. (4 of them. I love them all very much and until last week it was not a problem. My oldest daughter is 18 years old and is a very strong minded thing. Anyway last week I finished up work...
A. 25 June 2008: She's at the confused age now. I'm a single parent as well, with daughters. All we can really do, is teach them self respect. Just because she has the body and can do, doesn't mean she should just offer it up on a silver platter.
Be understa... (read in full...)
Should I back off and until everything is sorted out with his wife?
Q. A friend of mine called sometime ago thinking something was wrong in his marriage, thinking I could heip since I spent time with his wife. I've known them for years, so I tried helping. then he went home early on night to spend time with her, and ...
A. 25 June 2008: I'd back off until he sorts things out. It seems as both of them are procrastinating the divorce. You have to understand as well, being with you while he's married is still considered adultery in the eyes of the law. All of which can be used in ... (read in full...)
I fear even talking to other girls because if my friend finds out she will treat me really badly
Q. Ive had this friend since we were 6 years old, we are now both 19 years old and ever since we were little kids shes tried to destroy any other friendships ive had with other people. And she still does this. When we were 6 she told another girl who I ...
A. 25 June 2008: It sounds to me as your friend has some real psychological problems. I'd recommend she gets treatment for this. It's sounds like she's a bit controlling, has real self image issues, abandonment issues, and feels threatened by other people.
It is t... (read in full...)
If he took off with my daughter I would be devastated! Please help!!
Q. I have a daughter that is about to turn 7. Her father and I split up in November 2005. He has not helped us at all. He has moved on and married another woman that has 3 kids. He has seen my daughter a handful of times and all but one my olde...
A. 25 June 2008: You'll need to get the details arranged in detail. He's married with someone who has 3 kids. It doesn't sound as if he'd be a threat, or a flight risk.
I feel as you should let her go for the month. Children need quality time with both parents.... (read in full...)
If he took off with my daughter I would be devastated! Please help!!
Q. I have a daughter that is about to turn 7. Her father and I split up in November 2005. He has not helped us at all. He has moved on and married another woman that has 3 kids. He has seen my daughter a handful of times and all but one my olde...
A. 25 June 2008: You'll need to get the details arranged in detail. He's married with someone who has 3 kids. It doesn't sound as if he'd be a threat, or a flight risk.
I feel as you should let her go for the month. Children need quality time with both parents.... (read in full...)
If he took off with my daughter I would be devastated! Please help!!
Q. I have a daughter that is about to turn 7. Her father and I split up in November 2005. He has not helped us at all. He has moved on and married another woman that has 3 kids. He has seen my daughter a handful of times and all but one my olde...
A. 25 June 2008: You'll need to get the details arranged in detail. He's married with someone who has 3 kids. It doesn't sound as if he'd be a threat, or a flight risk.
I feel as you should let her go for the month. Children need quality time with both parents.... (read in full...)
Do all men manipulate you when you are vulnerable?
Q. I have found in two long term relationships with men that as I get to know them and I start to talk more openly about my feelings and vulnerable aspects of my thoughts or personality they use those very things to either undermine me in an argument ...
A. 23 June 2008: The first poster said it perfect in their last sentence. Too often people get into relationships expecting the other person to fill a void in their life. No one can make someone else be happy. You can enjoy time together. React to good gestures but ... (read in full...)
Does he like me and how do I get rid of him?
Q. ok i enjoy going out clubbing but guys always flirt and try to pick me up and i have a bf of almost 2 years. i was very dunk 1 night and met a really nice guy who i explained that i had a bf but he just kept me company while my friends were dancing. ...
A. 23 June 2008: It sounds like he's interested. You can be nice about it. It's reality. You have a boyfriend, you love him, you're not going to persue anything further with him.
I think he does have concerning interests. If you ask nicely, and he still pers... (read in full...)
I love my husband but want my builder
Q. Hi Im confused! I am 21 and have always been very headstrong! 4 years ago i met a married man who i instantly fell for. I found out he wasnt happy in his marraige and made a play for him...it worked and i am now married to him! He worships the grou...
A. 21 June 2008: I agree with the others. You really need to figure out what marriage means to you. You said you love your husband. Nope, not if you're willing to hurt him.
Realistically, there are others you could fall for. You need to leanr that when marr... (read in full...)
My sisters husband forced me to have sex
Q. i lost my virginity at age 12 with my sisters husband. i dident want to but he forced me. know i dont know if to tell my sister wat happend. wat should i do?...
A. 18 June 2008: As a parent, I would want to know because it's my job to keep them safe. If they weren't, I'd want to assure something like that wouldn't repeat.
The problem is, so many people have had this happen, and too many of them have kept quiet.
Stati... (read in full...)
My sisters husband forced me to have sex
Q. i lost my virginity at age 12 with my sisters husband. i dident want to but he forced me. know i dont know if to tell my sister wat happend. wat should i do?...
A. 17 June 2008: I agree with the other posters. Just as you didn't deserve what happened to you, your sister doesn't deserve not knowing what this person did to you. ... (read in full...)
I'm totally confused here! Help... PLEASE??
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend almost 3 months ago. The reason I ended it is because I have a hard time with trust and opening up about my feelings. He would try and get me to trust him and open up to him. When I finally did, I felt like he didn't do ...
A. 17 June 2008: That's what I was saying. It's not difficult to show someone how you feel. For some who have difficulty showing emotions, it takes a bit more work. For someone who really cares, it's not a request that needs time to think about or work up too. He ... (read in full...)
I feel like I can't do anything right in my marriage!
Q. OK so I feel like I can't do anything right in my marriage of almost 2 years. My husband is Iraq and I recently brought my sister to live with me for a couple of reasons but the main reason was to help her get her life together. I stressed to my ...
A. 16 June 2008: Your answer to deployment is "yes and no". Your with someone who seems to have inappropriate control issues. I believe deployment had something to do with speeding up this behavior coming out. If he was at home it may have taken longer, but I ... (read in full...)
Why still no commitment from him after 6 years?
Q. hello I am in need of some help please. I have been in volved with a man for 6 yrs. We met and clicked very well! He is 43 and I am 33. He has NEVER been married nor has children. He has only lived with one woman for 2 yrs. He owns his own house and ...
A. 16 June 2008: The answer is, it depends. He sounds like a good person. And willing to face his fears, overcome them, and make it work.
We know there are different personal characteristics people hold. There are some who have "difficulty" taking care of their need... (read in full...)
caught my boyfriend of two years cruising for sex at an adult book store. Plese advise!!
Q. Last week I was coming home late from work, when I noticed my boyfriend's car parked outside an Adult Book Store- I knew immediately he was cruising for sex. I waited outside the store, and noticed him circling around the building looking for sex. ...
A. 16 June 2008: Weather in a same sex relationship or an opposite sex relationship, some aspects become evident in all relationships. First, list of conditions. That's like taking a puppy home and telling him "no poop on carpet, and no chew on furnature." giving ... (read in full...)
I'm totally confused here! Help... PLEASE??
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend almost 3 months ago. The reason I ended it is because I have a hard time with trust and opening up about my feelings. He would try and get me to trust him and open up to him. When I finally did, I felt like he didn't do ...
A. 16 June 2008: Why do you feel he needs to change? It sounds as if you fell for him for who he is, not what you can mold him into being. So, change is not really what you need.
There is a difference between change and action. Change is taking personality and beha... (read in full...)
I'm totally confused here! Help... PLEASE??
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend almost 3 months ago. The reason I ended it is because I have a hard time with trust and opening up about my feelings. He would try and get me to trust him and open up to him. When I finally did, I felt like he didn't do ...
A. 15 June 2008: It's called closure. He took you out to honor your birthday, but he is still under your rule of no calls, no text, and stop talking. He might love you, his actions doens't say he doesn't. He might love you enough, that with your request he's willing ... (read in full...)
How do you control jealousy?
Q. My problem is jealousy. I've always been a jealous person, ever since I was about 5. I'm 15 now, and nothing has changed. The main thing that makes me most jealous is when I see my friends having a great time without me. It just makes me feel lik...
A. 15 June 2008: Your jealousy is a form of dependancy. It can be real harmful, especially in a marriage. That's where you find someone who wants to go somewhere, the jealous one does not, so no one gets too.
Your on track. You know it's not about them, it's abou... (read in full...)
Can I ever trust him after he has hurt me so many times?
Q. Do I forgive him and try to work it out??? I met my boyfriend when I was 18, he was my first love, he was older than me (25) and i fell for him with in months. I knew when I met him that he had a past, he told me a lot about what he had done ...
A. 14 June 2008: Forgive him so you can move on, but do not get back with him. It seems as if he's too much of a player to be serious with you. Find someone who treats you well. Don't put yourself back in a position with someone who does not. ... (read in full...)
How do I move on from a past heartbreak?
Q. Every time I date someone I think of him then I break it off because I try and find everything possibly wrong with that person. How do I get over the love that was let go in an instant. To me my future has no hope for another love like mine ......
A. 14 June 2008: Your trying to compare, and trying to find someone just like the past. I look at the past as a chapter in a book of memories. When you date someone new, start a new chapter. Who know, he may be different, but you may write a new wonderful chapter.... (read in full...)
I have helped him through troubled times but then blew up and disrespected him... he left and I don't know what to do with this mess?
Q. Please help! My man and I have been together for nearly 4 years. When we first met, it was like something made in heaven . . . he pursued me for nearly 1 1/2 years. We live in different cities. Also during that time I would not see him, but we ...
A. 14 June 2008: Buying a secured spot? Other than financial, it sounds as if you were emotionally suportive. Love should be the secured spot. No one really has purchasing power when it comes to emotions.
I can see your side in wanting to be with him. At the same... (read in full...)
Should I be patient with him?
Q. QUESTION: Should I be patient with him? I'm a 'single' 30 year old female (with 2 sons ages 8 and 9 - different fathers) and have dated men older than myself (e.g.45yrs) in the past. Been out of a relationship for 2 yrs...was not 'looking' for an...
A. 12 June 2008: Your welcome. I'm glad I could help. Remember too, as far as building yourself up. Your kids needs you. These insecurities take away from your children as well. I helped as lady with PTSD. She's raising children, but her behavior is still affected ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend can't trust me because I've confided in other people!
Q. Theres a girl I'm in love with and we've been seeing each other for almost a year but not too long ago she lost complete trust in me. She is a very private person and doesn't like sharing her personal life with others. Throughout our relationship ...
A. 12 June 2008: I don't think she was really into the relationship. If she'd end it that quickly without really discussing the issue and her concerns, she wasn't feeling it as you were. Confiding only gave her an excuse to leave blaming it on you and not her. The ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is jealous and unpredictable. How can I deal?
Q. My boyfriend has alot of trust issues and freaks out on me sporadically. Half the time he thinks things are great and half the time he thinks I am cheating on him or lying to him. We have been dating a year and a half. At the beginning I was just ...
A. 12 June 2008: You're not going to see a change until he seeks psychological treatment to deal with his issues. He doesn't have any right to you or your doings. In relationships we trust someone won't do us wrong. But that doesn't eliminate the fact that we need ... (read in full...)
I'm married but I want to be with my ex. How can I do this without causing damage to my kids?
Q. Here's the situation. I love my ex. I always have and know I always will. Always felt he is the love of my life. We recently acknowledge our true feelings. Problem is I'm married. Miscommunications and a broken heart lead me to my husband to ...
A. 12 June 2008: We hear how you feel. How does your husband feel. Is he seeing your marriage as something that can be worked on, or is he seeing the end of the tunnel approaching as well.
Marriage can be stressful, rasing kids, bills, responsabilities in and o... (read in full...)
A question about trust in a relationship....
Q. Hi my question is about trust.If you get cheated on, is that it, has your trust gone forever. Are all future relationships reduced to phone and email checking. What of the cheater do they retain their ability to trust? ...
A. 11 June 2008: It comes down to two words: Neuro association.
Think of a relationship as being a bubble. Inside that bubble have have the person you're with. If someone cheats, that then becomes part of the bubble. Then the breakup, you send the cheater on their... (read in full...)
I love that little girl, but I absolutely hate the mother... help please!!
Q. i am engaged to a wonderful man who i cant wait to spend the rest of my life with. There is one problem and it has been here since the beginning of this relationship. His ex girlfriend and him have a daughter together, and i love that little girl, ...
A. 11 June 2008: He doesn't have court ordered visitation? Was the child support set up through a court? If not it's time to get that set up. That will legally eliminate her ability to use the child against him. Which I must add, is poor parenting in the first ... (read in full...)
He got upset when I told the truth about my past, not so much because of the lying, but because he hated the truth.
Q. I have this problem where I just don't know how to react or cope when something is wrong and my boyfriend can tell. We've been together for almost 2 years, and we love each other deeply despite our obvious problems. He has issues regarding my pas...
A. 11 June 2008: I believe your insecurities began long before you started experiencing them in this relationship. You keep trying to analyze his reasons for being with you. Why is it so hard to accept that with all the girls out there, you're the one he's choosing ... (read in full...)
On deployment with the marines but cheated on my fiancee before I left... now I need help!
Q. I am on deployment with the Marines right now and right before i left to go on deployment i cheated on my fiancee, i feel terrible and have done everything i can think of her to let her know that i will never do that again, i lied to her during our ...
A. 10 June 2008: When you cheated, you were selfish. How do you think that makes her feel. It's not just about the act. It's about how they act affects the other. I bet she feels inadequate. Unattractive to you. You say different, but then going through her head is, ... (read in full...)
Do you get in the middle? Boyfriend's parents are cruel to him...
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 years- we get along very well and each of us has gotten "family approval," haha. One thing has been bugging me though- they treat him so poorly. He's the middle child- has a brother 5 years ...
A. 10 June 2008: If anyone were to say anything. It would have to be your boyfriend. I'd reassure him that all though their behavior is poor, he's still his own person and can become who he chooses to be. No one makes that decision, but him.
If you were to conf... (read in full...)
Should I be patient with him?
Q. QUESTION: Should I be patient with him? I'm a 'single' 30 year old female (with 2 sons ages 8 and 9 - different fathers) and have dated men older than myself (e.g.45yrs) in the past. Been out of a relationship for 2 yrs...was not 'looking' for an...
A. 10 June 2008: You're a weeee bit dependant. You said you NEED. Why do you feel you need a commitment after 4 months? Why are you insecure? You feel as if he's with another woman. What's happened to you in the past to cause you to have these insecurities? You have ... (read in full...)
I'm married but I want to be with my ex. How can I do this without causing damage to my kids?
Q. Here's the situation. I love my ex. I always have and know I always will. Always felt he is the love of my life. We recently acknowledge our true feelings. Problem is I'm married. Miscommunications and a broken heart lead me to my husband to ...
A. 2 February 2008: Have you ever heard the saying "if mama's not happy then nobody's happy" I don't know if that's a regular saying, my lawyer said it to me.
I'm going to give you some hard facts here about marriage and relationships with children. Are children a re... (read in full...)
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