A
female
age
41-50,
*onfusedFemale78
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend almost 3 months ago. The reason I ended it is because I have a hard time with trust and opening up about my feelings. He would try and get me to trust him and open up to him. When I finally did, I felt like he didn't do the same. He told me he had never felt this way about another woman ever in his life, but he would never really show it. We didn't see each other that much but when we did it was wonderful. I have never really felt like someone was "the one" before, but I felt that with him at one point. I told him when we broke up it was better that we didn't talk at all because it would just keep the wound open. He didn't call at first, but then he would send a text on a holiday or birthday (we broke up right before easter and both of our birthdays were close together). I told him he shouldnt even text because it still hurts. He waited about another month, then called me out of the blue and said he wanted to take me out to dinner for my belated birthday. I, being in a weakened state, accepted his invitation. We went to dinner and we had a perfect time as always, but we didn't talk about us getting back together. He would ask questions trying to figure out if I was dating anyone, but that was about it. Well, after the date, he hasn't called me since. It just doesn't make sense to me. For someone who "loves me" why does he want to see me every blue moon and then not call? I would really like some advice. Thanks!
View related questions:
broke up, hasn't called, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 June 2008):
 That's what I was saying. It's not difficult to show someone how you feel. For some who have difficulty showing emotions, it takes a bit more work. For someone who really cares, it's not a request that needs time to think about or work up too. He may be confused as well about what it is you're looking for. He may also be fearful about filling your request. Without maybe some examples of what he would not do, would help to see where he might be coming from.
A
female
reader, ConfusedFemale78 +, writes (16 June 2008):
ConfusedFemale78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI must have totally wrote this question wrong. I don't want him to change. All I am asking is for him to do what he says. My whole questions was why is he calling me if he doesn't want to show me he cares. I'm not asking him to be something he is not, what is so hard about showing someone you care versus just saying it? Anyone can say it, and if he is not ready to show it all I asked is that he doesn't call me until he does.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 June 2008):
Why do you feel he needs to change? It sounds as if you fell for him for who he is, not what you can mold him into being. So, change is not really what you need.
There is a difference between change and action. Change is taking personality and behaviors and making them something they weren't prior too. By doing so, he may become someone you're not as attracted too.
I'm not an emotional person either. Like you, I don't open up. Like him, I have difficulty sometimes showing how I feel. I guess I do a bit more now, since spending 2 days in the hospital with anxiety because of holding in emotions.
Asside from that, I can still be romantic. I can still make someone feel special. It's not about him or his inability with emotions, it's about you and doing to show you how he feels. Even with zero emotion, he can still pull that one off. It's about planning, and executing the plan to care for another. To make them smile and know you took the time just for them. His payoff would be feeling good because he made you feel good.
I hear other say, why can't I have the fairytail ending? Anyone can, if it's planned. Even fairytails are scripted, planned, rehearsed then put into action.
My point in all this babble is, it's not about him changing as a person, it's about him doing things different within the relationship. It's like this, I don't know too many guys who enjoy hours of clothing shopping with their girl, but we smile and do it anyway, because that's what she enjoys.
Take care and I hope all works out with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, ConfusedFemale78 +, writes (15 June 2008):
ConfusedFemale78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what you are saying. I guess I didn't explain the whole situation because it is too long and detailed. I told him the reason I was breaking up was because he would tell me how much he cared but his actions didn't back it up. He said he would not call me until he was ready to be the person he said he would be from the jump. So, my confusion is why is he calling when he said he would not call until he was ready to change. He knew calling me would confuse me and I feel like he is just trying to keep me as a back up plan.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 June 2008):
It's called closure. He took you out to honor your birthday, but he is still under your rule of no calls, no text, and stop talking. He might love you, his actions doens't say he doesn't. He might love you enough, that with your request he's willing to let you go. I did that, so she could move to a different state and follow her dream with the college she wanted to go too. I didn't want to cause delay in her future. It was very difficult.
Let me ask you something. What kind of love would you like for him to have. Selfish love in wanting to be with you, but ignoring your request. Or love that's real enough he's willing to let you go, so you can have closure, heal and be happy.
I'll say his actions are what you would consider a love that is true.
Take care.
...............................
|
