A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i lost my virginity at age 12 with my sisters husband. i dident want to but he forced me. know i dont know if to tell my sister wat happend. wat should i do?
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female
reader, lacytony +, writes (25 January 2009):
You should tell her now before it get's worse. I was just like you and I was scared to tell my sister because I felt like she would take his side. Or that she wouldn't beleive me.So I kept it a secret I hated him for it;myself,my dad for letting him stay with us; my sister for not noticing what was going on.Now everyone knows because I HAD A BABY.And although he was the father. And at first I felt so horrible that I wanted to get an abortion.Now the guys in jail and my sister and everyone in my family is here standing by my side.I kept the baby and to this day he is the best thing in my life. Although I know I will never let myself have a real relationship with a guy ever! And I realized that through all of this my sister is still my sister.And she loves me,please tell her. If you can't tell her to her face write a note and hide it somewhere (he can't find it) and when he goes out give it to your sister.She WILL beleive you. Trust Me, I love you girl.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): ur a child and he raped u! tell ur sister everything, tell the police everything, this is wrong
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (20 June 2008):
 Hi hunny
You really need to get some help, Its not easy sweetheart Tisha has given you some good helplines and they will listen to you as long as you want to talk, They will offer you good advise on how to deal with the family, You really do need to talk to someone love as if you just think about this to yourself as you grow you wont be healing.. It will still be very fresh in your mind and not getting help can cause you so much pain in the futour, You are in so much pain now..You were only twelve sweetheart a child.. My son went through something very much the same but it was not a family member and I saw his pain hunny everyday..My heart goes out to you love, This man did rape you and its your sisters husband this is so terribly hard and the people that Tisha has pointed you towards deal with this kind of thing so they will no the best advise to give..YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I want you to consider this, he raped a child, that makes him a pedophile and a child molester. A very serious crime by itself but also one that tends to repeat itself.
He raped you, who is next?
What if at some point he has a daughter. Do you think she is going to be safe? Rapists, especially child rapists REPEAT.
Part of the reason it is so important to report rape is to stop them from doing it to someone else.
I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel so I won't. Instead I ask you to think of who is going to be his next victim. Either you stop him or he WILL make another victim.
Please talk to someone about this, the police, a doctor, a counselor, your parents. Even if you don't report it you are probably hurting from it and need support to cope with what has happened to avoid it becoming an issue later in your life.
But please, report it, stop him from making anymore victims.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): I know the thought of telling your sister or family what has happened would be the scariest thing you have ever had to do, but do you really want your sister to be married to a man who is capable of doing such a horrible act. You have done enough suffering and now I feel it is time to make him realise that what he has done is not going to just fly under the radar. If you were in your sisters shoes and this had happened to her, you would want her to tell you. Definately tell, tell, tell and keep telling until he is the one suffering. My thoughts are with you...
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 June 2008):
 As a parent, I would want to know because it's my job to keep them safe. If they weren't, I'd want to assure something like that wouldn't repeat.
The problem is, so many people have had this happen, and too many of them have kept quiet.
Statistics say, 1 of 4 women will be sexually assaulted prior to finishing high school. When you go to school, think about which girls you pass that are keeping this secret. Some of which are being assaulted on a regular basis.
Find a friend you trust, go to your school counselor and talk to them. You don't have to go through this alone. Someone would be with you the whole time, even when talking to your mom, if you want them there.
Remember, you did nothing wrong. This person had no right to do what he did to you. As long as people keep quiet, these violations will continue. You are not just a child, you're a person. You have the same right of being safe as anyone else, and the same right to be respected.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Sorry babes, I forgot to say you can still talk to us anytime you want. We care and we're here to listen, it's just that we might not have the best advice in this situation. You need to talk to somebody face to face, the internet's not very good for this sort of thing. Your very brave and are now in control of your life. You do whatever's best for you, and we will support you in whatever you decide. Take care, and be strong. Lots of hugs and kisses from us all. We'll speak soon I hope.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): I'm so sorry for you and angry that this stupid man hurt you. Hugs and kisses babes, you've been very brave to tell us all. Don't feel guilty or bad you've done nothing wrong. If you can, then tell your sister and parents. Hopefully they will understand. But it dosen't matter if you can't, call the numbers that Trish has given you and speak to somebody that has been thorugh this kind of thing.
I wish I was near enough to give you a big hug and kick this man off the face of the earth for what he has done to you. We want you to tell, so you can get some support and get this man punished, but it may not end up like this. Stay away from him, and get better advice from the Rape support help lines. When your older you will be bigger and stronger and deal with this all on your own, but for now you need the help and support of somebody bigger and wiser than me or you. So call the support networks and see what else you can do.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Honey, you were 12 and scared and confused. It's completely normal and I think common not to be able to tell people when something so strange and awful happens. Did you happen to call any of the numbers I gave you? There are trained counselors who have dealt with situations like this and can give you some really good help in deciding what to do now and who to tell and how. I think that would be the best thing to do, honestly and truly.
Don't feel guilty about waiting to tell anyone, it happens a lot. Remember, you were only 12 and didn't know what to do!
Please call the number I provided right away, they will know best how to help you.
Hugs.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 June 2008):
 This is such a hard situation for you, I understand. Dont worry so much what they will think of YOU, if they are good family, that love you, I'd hope they would try to work with you. Are you feeling somewhat tramatized by this? Dont blame yourself, he forced it upon you, and who knows what he would have done if you faught it. My concern is how this will affect you for the rest of your life if you keep it inside your mind. You need some kind of closure. Have your parents noticed a change in you since it has happend? If so, I'm sure they would be glad to have you open up to them and discuss this situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey eveyone i tried to tell my bigger sister but i just fell wierd. i dont know my parents r going to think of me. it been like 2 years. wat r they going to tell me. that y i dident tell them earlier. i dont know wat to do.
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A
female
reader, Sophia_Sweetheart +, writes (17 June 2008):
 I'm so sorry to hear this! This is rape, and he should be reported! I know, it's of course not something you particularly want to talk about or say to anyone, but he should be punished for this! Honey you were 12, and that's not fair! Rape is an awful thing, I'm so so sorry. Yes, you should tell her. Tell your parents thing, and then decide together if you want to take this to the police. Rape is a serious crime and he shouldn't just get away with this! Really, I can't stress it enough sweetie, you must tell someone. I'm sure you realise this isn't fair on you, and what if he tries it again? Maybe he already has? We never know the full extent of the story sweetheart, but he's got to be stopped in case anyone else is harmed. Your poor sister too! She deserves to know what kind of man she's married too.
For the sake of everyone sweetheart but especially yourself, tell your sister and parents! I'm sure they will then help you decide whether to take legal steps, but I highly advise you do! All the luck in the world sweetie.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Sweetie im so sorry that this has happend to you rape is an awful thing you have been brave by telling us on here what has happend but you do need to tell people who can do something about this mainly your sister she needs to know she married a monster rape in any form is an awful crime that needs to be taken seriuosly it is your responsibilty to let people know that this guy is a crimminal especially your sister your parents and the police, be brave and be strong and let people know.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 June 2008):
Here's a list of numbers for child abuse hotlines.
ChildHelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-4-A-CHILD (422.4453) or 800.2.A.CHILD (222.4453, TDD for hearing impaired)
Provides multilingual crisis intervention and professional counseling on child abuse. Gives referrals to local social service groups offering counseling on child abuse. Operates 24 hours, seven days a week.
Department of social services for public to access information:
800-345-KIDS: Provides information concerning children available for adoption and other children's programs
800-342-3009: Access to general information regarding Department programs and HEAP Hotline
800-732-5207: Day Care Complaint Line
800-342-3720: Child Abuse Hotline
National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-25-ABUSE
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 June 2008):
Hi, I read your post with great sadness. I'm sorry you had to go through this. In response to Wizard of Waz's question about a national hotline for children, I'm not aware of one at the moment, but I will see what I can find for you. There is a website/phone number that you could use to ask for help.
Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
Phone 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Website www.rainn.org
I'll be back if I find a national number in the US similar to the one in the UK.
Take care, and cyberhugs to you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 June 2008):
I agree with the other posters. Just as you didn't deserve what happened to you, your sister doesn't deserve not knowing what this person did to you.
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A
female
reader, Tremor  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 Tell you sister. Tell you Mum. Tell your family. And tell the police. What you describe is rape, and it is a crime. He will go unpunished unless you come forward and tell people what he did. Don't feel dirty or ashamed of it - you are a victim, and this is not your fault. Tell people, and have him get what he deserves.
I wish you the very best.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 June 2008):
Yeah, I believe when someone forces sex on another, it is called rape. Rape should be handled very seriously. However, I completely see your dilema, because you dont want to hurt your sister. Think about this, though. You love your sister, right? You dont want her to be unhappy, right? And her husband is a raping ass@*# right? Soooo, why should he have the privlage of being a part of your family? Not only is he a rapist, but a pedifile too. What happens if he and your sister have a little girl, and he does something bad to her? You would feel bad for not saying something about what he did to you. It is really important that you tell someone. I know you are scared, but they all need to know what happend. Offer to wear a wire and be alone with him if no one believes you, or consent to a lie detecter test. You have information on this evil guy that could save a lot of people from getting hurt. Maybe go to your mom first, get some back up before you tell your sister. But, you dont deserve to live life with this burden, and he dosnt deserve to hurt kids and get away with it. Good luck sweetie, please, keep us updated.
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