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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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How can I find somebody who truly loves me???
Q. Hello.. I'm 20 years, I'm working like a model.. i have never had this kind of troubles, but i don't know what's wrong with me ?.. a couple of days ago a guy asked me out.. so I said yes! then he call me and said I'm sorry but i can't go there.. ...
A. 19 October 2010: Your welcome, and I hope everything works out for you. Take care. ... (read in full...)
I'm being bullied over a drunken one night stand.
Q. im sick and tired now! and i cant face it anymore, back in july i split up with my boyfriend of nearly two years, i was only fourteen when i fell in love, and we lasted 22 months! until his mum got made redundant and they ended up moving away, he ...
A. 17 November 2008: Your right, lame excuse. Actually it's not an excuse, and alcohol is not an excuse either. No matter what lead up to this, sleeping with someone is a choice. Missing school to avoid what people say is a choice as well. Not a good one I might add. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is starting to get annoying and scary...
Q. My boyfriend is starting to get annoying and scary. he follows me around everywhere and he keeps on saying hes possessed or something like that and that he belongs to the devil and stuff and he is being serious. I tried to break up with him the he ...
A. 16 November 2008: His behavior "posession" and such could be his attempt to understand. People with bi-polar have difficulty understanding where their behaviors come from. They switch from depression to mania, which those levels are different deptending on the ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him even though he has a child?
Q. I recently just found out that my fiance has a 2 year old daughter. Me and him used to date back in 2004 and I have known him since I was 14. After hurricane Katrina we broke up because we relocated to two different states. Last October he moved to ...
A. 14 November 2008: so, the drama is not a confrontational drama, it's one you create. the difference between it working and not working with you two and the mamma is their choice to interact in the best interest of the child. my kids mom and I can't be together living ... (read in full...)
My husband's family don't want me to stay with my husband.
Q. I am a teacher. My husband is working abroad. I want to stay with him. But his family members don't want that. He is not trying to take me with him. Maybe because of our financial problems. But it will never end. If I got a job there, it will be ...
A. 13 November 2008: You need to understand you before anyone else can. This is your family with your husband. Your husbands family already has their own family. Sometimes we just need to back up and allow our children to live without interferance.
Whether you're with... (read in full...)
Should I stay with him even though he has a child?
Q. I recently just found out that my fiance has a 2 year old daughter. Me and him used to date back in 2004 and I have known him since I was 14. After hurricane Katrina we broke up because we relocated to two different states. Last October he moved to ...
A. 13 November 2008: A child around now and then can be seen as a blessing as well. What I want you to do is in a quiet place sit back, relax, close your eyes and picture your life without your fiance. This will tell your which way to go. One of the best sayings I've ... (read in full...)
I am having confusing urges for my father.
Q. I have recently been getting some rather foreign urges. I am a 23 year old female, who is going to school and living at home with my father. My mother passed away years ago and my father has never really gotten over it. I love my father with all ...
A. 13 November 2008: I'd have to agree with the others. Counseling may help with the urges. You're still daddy's little girl, even all grown up. You love him and don't want to see him hurting.
He sees more of your mother in you. That may be true, and the urges to... (read in full...)
My husband slept with my friend's wife after our big argument and I've just found out!
Q. Hi, this is the first time I've been on a forum and I would appreciate advice on my problem. I'm sorry this is quite long. I have been married for 13 months and was with my husband for two years before we married and gave birth to twins a few m...
A. 9 November 2008: I can't say your husband did feel guilty for what he did. That would explain the extra effort given for that week.
Who knows how many other women he had been with, but the staying out late shows there may be more that he is not telling you.
... (read in full...)
Can our relationship work if he cares but doesn't love me?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and asked him about his views on marriage and children, he gave me answers but also told me that since a situation in his past he has never been able to love anyone since and although he cares for ...
A. 1 November 2008: It is, but he needs to work on overcoming the mental blocks which are disabling his ability to expand his feelings. What happens is when bad things happen in a relationship, and that one ends, even though the person who caused the pain is no longer ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to have sex and dismisses all my suggestions!
Q. My wife has never been greatly interested in sex. Now, after 13 years of marriage and her suffering a bout of depression and flirting with a work colleague, she tells me she is sexually frustrated - doesn't want to have sex with me - but wants to ...
A. 1 November 2008: So she has no time? Sounds like you guys have been living out of balance for a long time. Not separating the life's duties from other important things. Bundling everything up is wrong. We all have 24 hours in a day, the difference between those who ... (read in full...)
Lost my feelings for my abusive husband-should I leave?
Q. Hello, Im in my mid twenties and am married for less than a year, and been with the man for only 2 years. I have one child ( 2 yr old) from a previouse relationship where I was with the man for 6 years, and a newborn with my husband. Everythi...
A. 1 November 2008: It can be hard. I'm raising two of my children on my own and have a third moving in with me next week. It can be hard. I was in an abusive relationship where the woman was violent. Mainly because of a mental disorder, but my children were still ... (read in full...)
Doctor Troubles
Q. For the last 3 weeks ish I have been feeling so depressed and my mum booked me an appointment for the doctors tomorrow but she can't come with me and I'm scared that the doctor will think I am overreacting because I'm on my own and not take it ...
A. 30 October 2008: be honest. doctors who deal with mental behavior, it's a bit harder to fake if something is wrong. It's not like faking a temp. I'm a behavior analyst. What I do is take history's of behaviors and link them all together to find out the cause of ... (read in full...)
My gran's death has triggered off fears of dying... please help!
Q. Hello. My gran passed away about a fortnight ago, coming up 3 weeks and I'm finding it really hard. She was only 65, but she had smoked all her life and in the end it was that which killed her. She knew she was dying right up until the end and I ...
A. 30 October 2008: It's normal in these situations to think about leaving this world too. It's also normal to not be scare of the suicidal thought. Reason being, you're in control. You're fearing what you don't have control over. Natural death, or from your dreams, ... (read in full...)
She freaked out and doesn't want to have sex with me any more.
Q. My fiancee and I just had sex for the first time. Well, some of you might not really call it that. I'll spare you the details. We were both virgins. She was even my first kiss. Basically we went slowly but once it was all the way in she started ...
A. 30 October 2008: A hymen is not all what it's cracked up to be. I was my ex wife's first as well. She didn't pop or bleed as people say "pop the cherry" is suppose to happen. I've heard many stories of first times. Some bleed, some don't. Everyone is not the same. ... (read in full...)
I think my wife has cheated with someone else and had sex but she insists it was only a kiss!
Q. I need some advice please. I am a stay at home dad.we have 2 kids that are 1 and 2 years old. I started noticing my wife acting different about 4 months ago. She had this glow about her. She was also buying new braws ans panties all the time.she ...
A. 28 October 2008: I would say she had been having a full affair with him. Too many negative signs of behavior. I also see kissing as a form of cheating we well. Deleting her myspace page definitely shows hiding something. Her not wanting to discuss the issue and, ... (read in full...)
I doubt there will be any chance of reconciliation. I need advice to help with this sadness!
Q. I am so terribly depressed. I was on top of the world a week ago but when I found out some truths behind the break up between my ex and I, it has sent me downward emotionally. After a rough patch with my ex, a friend of mine for five years named...
A. 28 October 2008: I don't understand why you listened to this friend. He sounds manipulative and didn't have yours or your ex-boyfriend's best interest when he talked to you. He convinced you there was no hope? It wasn't the rough patch that assisted. I believe it's ... (read in full...)
Why won't husband admit to cheating even after getting caught?
Q. I am agonizing over the thought of accusing my husband of something as terrible as cheating. I have evidence; however, he continues to deny cheating on me and as a result we are in the process of getting divorced. I need to know from people who ...
A. 27 October 2008: I'd have to say your right about his cheating. If he was just dropping her off, she wouldn't have had time to get his phone for your number, or access to his phone.
You know you don't deserve to be with someone who's cheating on you. Not only that... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and still a virgin. My boyfriend is 17 and not a virgin.
Q. Okay this is really embarassing. I'm 15 and still a virgin. My boyfriend is 17 and not a virgin. I'm really nervous about having sex with him because I want him to enjoy himself. I want him to love me even more than he does now, and he really REALLY ...
A. 26 October 2008: I don't believe your ready. You keep saying you want him to... When it comes to your body, it's not what others want or enjoy, it's what you want to do, and not to be pressured in doing it. Virginity, once it's gone it can't be returned. Think ... (read in full...)
I've started an affair while my abusive boyfriend is in jail. When he gets out, I have to make a choice. Help!
Q. My bf of 4 years has now been incarcerated for 6 months. Before this, our relationship was rocky because he would lie, cheat, break things when he got angry,call me degrading names, and support our daughter half the time. Through ou relationship, I ...
A. 26 October 2008: This shouldn't take much thought. Ask yourself this, how do you like being treated like crap. do you enjoy getting called names and hit with things breaking? do you want your daughter to be raised in that environment?
remember your daughter will... (read in full...)
I married the wrong person and I just want her out of my life...
Q. Is there anyway to divorce without money? And also if the wife doesn't want to get divorced? I married the wrong person and I just want her out of my life, but because she gets so many benefits with me I guess she doesn't wanna go back to being ...
A. 25 October 2008: If you haven't been married long, you can seek an annulment. You can get divorced pro se, without an attorney. This generally works better if she's willing to sign the papers. I'd ask an attorney. There are some you can talk to who will answer your ... (read in full...)
How can I find somebody who truly loves me???
Q. Hello.. I'm 20 years, I'm working like a model.. i have never had this kind of troubles, but i don't know what's wrong with me ?.. a couple of days ago a guy asked me out.. so I said yes! then he call me and said I'm sorry but i can't go there.. ...
A. 25 October 2008: Here's a different view for you. Two people who really like each other have a certain energy bond between them. You're seeking a new love, but your energy is still with your ex. You may be unknowingly pushing guys away because your feelings for your ... (read in full...)
How can I look at her without thinking about the fact that she slept with someone else?
Q. My wife and I seperated for a few months. We dated other people, she said was only dating to get to know other people, however we decided to get back together last week and she told me that she had sex with someone else. I know we were on a break ...
A. 25 October 2008: If your married and take a break. I believe the vows of the marriage are still effective. Sleeping with someone else is inappropriate. It is so because the actual commitment is with someone else.
Sex in a marriage is the greatest physical shar... (read in full...)
Was he just using me?
Q. Hi, I've been seeing this guy for 4 months and we had sex and I got worried coz I didn't want to get used so I asked him if he was using me and he said no, I really do like you and I would never use you, so we were having sex for a while and then ...
A. 25 October 2008: Get on with your life. About using someone, you need to remain clear with what you're looking for. It two people are just looking for sex, then are they using the other one? If you're looking for a real relationship, make sure the person you're with ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's family is marrying her off to another guy and I need help to figure out what we can do to avoid this from happening!
Q. Hi, This z raj kapoor please litsen my problem this z very big for me, i know u r use to hear these stories but plz help........ acctualy i m from india and there is in some places very orthodox peaple living and between them there z my girlfriend'...
A. 25 October 2008: This is difficult because it crosses cultural boundaries. Is it still common for parents to choose the husband for the daughter? I know what your saying. I feel for you and for her. To be stuck with one man when the hear is for another.
The t... (read in full...)
My guy-friend got me pregnant but I had a miscarriage, why is he mad at me now for everything I couldn't control?
Q. Please help me! My best guy-friend said he loved me, so I had sex with him and I got pregnant. I'm only thirteen, so I was scared, and then I had a miscarriage, he got mad at me for getting pregnant, then he got mad at me because the baby died. He ...
A. 25 October 2008: At 13 you shouldn't be having sex, just because he says he loves you. So, he says what you want to hear, but then takes no responsibility for his actions.
How did he cause the miscarriage? Your body might have been not prepared to be pregnant. Ther... (read in full...)
I regret my reaction to my boyfriend telling me he was bipolar! Help!
Q. My bf just told me that he was bipolar im just 13 and i didnt like him at first but now i love him to death. He thinks im always going to break up with him but im really not. After he told me his bggest secret.... that he was bipolar, i was a jerk. ...
A. 25 October 2008: your welcome. tell him he needs to work with you as far as maintaining his behavior. Such as his fear of being rejected. If he recognizes the symptoms of when he may act that way, he can divert it before it comes out.... (read in full...)
I regret my reaction to my boyfriend telling me he was bipolar! Help!
Q. My bf just told me that he was bipolar im just 13 and i didnt like him at first but now i love him to death. He thinks im always going to break up with him but im really not. After he told me his bggest secret.... that he was bipolar, i was a jerk. ...
A. 25 October 2008: Was his bipolar affecting you before he said it? bipolar is a disorder, but it's manageable. getting upset at him for having it is not good because he can't help that he has it. bipolar is a biological disorder, so one of his parents may have it as ... (read in full...)
My friend's parents treat her badly and keep threatening her, what can I do?
Q. I need help. I have a friend whose parents are her like crap. While they haven't actually hit her yet, they've threatened too. They've said they were gonna smack a look off her face, beat her with a belt, knock her head off, and they keep pulling ...
A. 25 October 2008: You sound like a good friend. The counselor is wrong by not doing anything. The counselor has a legal duty to turn over any possible abuse whether it be physical, mental or sexual.
If her school doesn't do anything, you'll need to talk to someo... (read in full...)
I'm seeing a married man, I love a married man. How do I know if he is serious about leaving his wife ?
Q. I'm seeing a married man, I love a married man. He says he's going to leave his wife not because of me but because he's no longe happy in his marriage but some of the things he says about her I just don't know that I beleive him, How do i know if he ...
A. 25 October 2008: Most who are married do not leave their wives for a mistress. He's being dishonest in his marriage, so what's to stop him from doing the same with you? Quite often guys say they will leave just so they can have their cake and eat it too. I'd be ... (read in full...)
I'm a 28 yr old woman for goodness sake! What's going on? Am I in denial of something?
Q. My best guy friend, George* and I have been best friends for about fifteen years, and we have actually been living together for close to six months (to save on rent). Recently, I've caught him staring at me a few times and then as soon as I DO catch ...
A. 25 October 2008: you two need to hook up. acting this way is normal. you've been friends for a long time, so it's a desire but uncomfortable to change the relationship into something more. You have a crush. He has a crush. Lucky he's crushing on you back. You never ... (read in full...)
My husband physically and emotionally abuses me all the time.
Q. Hi, I need to make this quick because I'm not "allowed" to be on the internet right now. My husband is thirteen years my senior and we've known each other for two and a half years, been together that long, and married for two years. We have a ...
A. 24 October 2008: So at the beginning he treated you like this. An abusive honeymoon period. That shows what you'd have to look forward too. You need to get out of there A.S.A.P. But do so being safe. I strongly suggest you contact a victims advocate. They have ... (read in full...)
My marriage is on the brink of falling apart ! Can I save my marriage ?
Q. We have been married for 4 years now. And it seems me and my husband are drifting farther apart every year we are together. In the begining we fought all the time, Then we got along for a little while. Now there is no talking to each other about ...
A. 24 October 2008: Your in a major rut. First there is not "all you have to do is". That shouldn't even be part of any conversation in your marriage. Stating that is a way of saying "you have to EARN my love."
This marriage started off rocky, then you got along for ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to give me oral sex but finds it hard because she was molested as a child... any advice?
Q. Hello, my girlfriend and I are in a rather unique situation. We've been doing sexual things for just over four months now. I've given her oral and fingered her, and she's touched me. We have never had sex and she has never given me oral. Here's the ...
A. 21 October 2008: So, no therapist, but you ask for advice. Without contact with her, it's a bit difficult to help because it's unknown weather she knows your seeking advise and how she'd take it if she did know. We may not know her name or where you live, but to an ... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to have sex and dismisses all my suggestions!
Q. My wife has never been greatly interested in sex. Now, after 13 years of marriage and her suffering a bout of depression and flirting with a work colleague, she tells me she is sexually frustrated - doesn't want to have sex with me - but wants to ...
A. 21 October 2008: does she want sex outside the marriage? depression is quite often caused by being off balance. such as, paying attention to work more than family or the other way around. getting too busy with "life" to maintain positive friendships. Also, playing a ... (read in full...)
Should I get a divorce or stick it out?
Q. I have been considering a divorce for some time (years). My husband and I have been together for almost seven years and he has a son from a previous "one night stand" that we see often because of me. He lives on the other side of the country, but ...
A. 21 October 2008: First of all, kids are not a reason to remain married. I believe in marriage and the full commitment that comes with it.
Kids learn how to act and socially interact by what they learn in their environment. If you're marriage is dead, and it does... (read in full...)
In College and confused about my sexuality!
Q. So for as long as I can remember I haven't ever really thought a guy was, "cute," "hot," or anything like that, but I have always thought girls are pretty. I went all through out high school without a boyfriend, and didn't think anything of it. Now ...
A. 21 October 2008: your young, and okay. your teens are a huge development stage going from puberty to adulthood. remember, you are who you are no matter what direction your sexuality takes you. be the best person you can be for yourself, and everything else will fall ... (read in full...)
In College and confused about my sexuality!
Q. So for as long as I can remember I haven't ever really thought a guy was, "cute," "hot," or anything like that, but I have always thought girls are pretty. I went all through out high school without a boyfriend, and didn't think anything of it. Now ...
A. 21 October 2008: your young, and okay. your teens are a huge development stage going from puberty to adulthood. remember, you are who you are no matter what direction your sexuality takes you. be the best person you can be for yourself, and everything else will fall ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be used again, opinions needed, is he into it?
Q. I am 21, the guy I am seeing is 32 he is my friend's neighbour. He knew i had a boyfriend when he kissed me the first time, i made out with him because my boyfriend and i in a long distance relationship and were falling apart. it is two weeks la...
A. 20 October 2008: wait and see. you began a sexual relationship. it may stay that way or grow. sex and or kissing is physical. it can be done without emotional attachments. since you already gave into sex, you'll have to watch how he acts out of bed to see if there ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm getting the short end of the relationship.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for close to 2 years now. We've had our ups and downs like any relationship. All of my flaws that he disliked, I've worked on for him. I've become a better person. But it's not the same on his part. I've told him t...
A. 20 October 2008: Sounds as if your with someone who may be a bit "self centered", possibly introverted, which explains his lack of emotional response. The problem, I believe with the small amount of information is, you've fixed flaws or poor habits, expecting him to ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend tried to cheat on me with a cyber-lover. What do I do? We have two children together.
Q. I caught my fiancee trying to cheat on me. She'd been cybering guys on the net for a while (one on which worried me because he was a local) I told her this upset me but just accepted it as a bit of fun. I told her not to give her phone number to ...
A. 19 October 2008: At this point, your relationship really has problems. She's not taking responsibility for her actions. Blaming you is a way of justifying what she did to herself. "If it's not my fault, no one can blame me."
You may not have been giving her atte... (read in full...)
How can I get her away from these abusive dates of hers? I really do care for her.
Q. i have a problem with a girl i want to date. it seems that she wont even notice me. im nice to her, ive even asked her out once. i have listened to her problems but she keeps on going out with total dirtbags. she's abused in these relations - both...
A. 18 October 2008: People have different personalities. If she keeps getting into the same situations, she may be attracted to a personality which is present toward those who mistreat their dates.
Be a bit harder on her. Tell her how you notice, she does not make... (read in full...)
I don't want her little sister to live with her as I don't like kids!
Q. My girlfriend's sister (who's 5) was being abuse by her parents. To cut a long story short, child services called her asking if she wanted to be her guardian, or she'll be in foster care. She told me she doesn't want her sister to live with brun...
A. 18 October 2008: You are ruining your relationship. If I was in her situation, no dating relationship would be more important than taking care of my sister, who's in a bad situation. ... (read in full...)
Lost my feelings for my abusive husband-should I leave?
Q. Hello, Im in my mid twenties and am married for less than a year, and been with the man for only 2 years. I have one child ( 2 yr old) from a previouse relationship where I was with the man for 6 years, and a newborn with my husband. Everythi...
A. 11 November 2007: Excuses, excuses. He makes excuses for why he's abusive, and you make excuses for why you remain in the situation. Should you give up so quickly, yea, and you should have 8 months ago when the abuse began. Even if he says he's going to change, he ... (read in full...)
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