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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 28 December 2008: Now, get the whole ending your life thing out of your head. Doing that means you give up, which means someone other than you wins. As you said, your mom and brother would pay a terrible price for that decision. No man is ever worth making that ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 26 December 2008: Here's a true story for you. A husband and wife were having difficult times. He asked a friend why it wasn't working out. His friend said, "treat her as you would fine china, instead of Tupperware." He did just that. A few years ago he passed away. ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 24 December 2008: You can't force him into counseling. His willingness to seek counseling will tell you how interested he is in making this marriage work. Some people want, but aren't willing to do what it takes to have.
You can make the suggestion, but if he's not ... (read in full...)
I'm 25 and never had a date! Why do men never ask me out?
Q. What are you supposed to do if you're were an ugly duckling that grew up to be an ugly duck instead of a swan? I am a 25 year old virgin and a girl. I've been reading some postings here from other people but my situation is different becaus...
A. 24 December 2008: I'm not saying it's your fault. I'm saying, you are your own person, and have the ability to change your view of yourself. Are you worth it? I believe you are.
You are being heard and listened too. I'm not trying to get you to change ever... (read in full...)
Have a fiance but I'm falling for another guy
Q. I've been in a relationship for 6 years, but about 4 months ago I met a guy at work who I've fallen head over heels for. He says he cares about me and wants me to be happy. I really don't know what to do. I really like him possibly even love him but ...
A. 24 December 2008: Pick one or the other, without keeping either one lingering. If you're seeing the other guy, it's proper to allow your fiance to choose whether or not to continue with you. He may get hurt, but that's fair to him to be allowed that choice.
If yo... (read in full...)
Confused about what is going on!
Q. Ok so here goes I just got out of a four relationship about five months ago. It was one of those break up everyday type of relationship where we had a lot of serious issues. I have to honestly say that I am a better woman without him. So I have b...
A. 24 December 2008: First of all, having sex with this other guy, since there is something missing, you need to end it. It's not at all okay to having someone thinking you're together while you're being with someone else. It always ends up with a negative outcome.
... (read in full...)
I am in love with my husband's cousin brother.
Q. I am 33 year old. Married with a 7 year old girl child. Since last 3 years I am in love with my husband's cousin brother. This is serious. I have got caught. Facing problem with husband,still can't do without my lover. I don't know but I do not ...
A. 24 December 2008: First understand that sex is a physical act. It is not love, although people who are in love have sex, the act itself is completely separate. Quite often people confuse lust or physical contact with love.
My definition of "true" love is "The choi... (read in full...)
Alone forever--not by choice
Q. How am I to not want a boyfriend? How will i be able to live without one. Anyone have any advice? ...
A. 24 December 2008: Could you explain further about your situation and why you're living without and not by choice. ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 24 December 2008: "He might be a jerk, and he is definately controlling, but he is the only thing that's kept me rolling for the last few years..." Your justifying his behavior, and accepting it as "We are perfect for each other, he treats me like crap, and I let ... (read in full...)
I'm 25 and never had a date! Why do men never ask me out?
Q. What are you supposed to do if you're were an ugly duckling that grew up to be an ugly duck instead of a swan? I am a 25 year old virgin and a girl. I've been reading some postings here from other people but my situation is different becaus...
A. 24 December 2008: Re: Self esteem. I'm not talking about physical appearance. I'm overweight. My daughter says I traded the six pack in for a pony keg. I don't mind it, because I have a strong sense of self.
The sense of self I'm talking about is the part of you ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 23 December 2008: He's may not be working hard to keep you because of his love for you, it may be his dependence. You need to remember, many who are abusive, and have outburst do so as a means of control. This would also show why he's blaming you. There is not blame ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 21 December 2008: He says it's him not you. That's fine, but what isn't is how this poor behavior affects you. I agree with the poster who said NPD could be a factor. He has an abnormal level of control issues.
No one deserves to go through abuse. The question is, ... (read in full...)
I'm 25 and never had a date! Why do men never ask me out?
Q. What are you supposed to do if you're were an ugly duckling that grew up to be an ugly duck instead of a swan? I am a 25 year old virgin and a girl. I've been reading some postings here from other people but my situation is different becaus...
A. 21 December 2008: There is no real cure for feeling horrible. What I'd recommend is putting yourself out there. Being buys with activities often assists with that horrible feeling. What do you like to do? As an example, Are there volunteer organizations or groups ... (read in full...)
I'm 25 and never had a date! Why do men never ask me out?
Q. What are you supposed to do if you're were an ugly duckling that grew up to be an ugly duck instead of a swan? I am a 25 year old virgin and a girl. I've been reading some postings here from other people but my situation is different becaus...
A. 20 December 2008: I read through your post three different time trying to find one good thing you say about yourself. Read through it, you'll find it's as negative as I saw it.
"when I was 13, 15, 20, 23"
In seeing those numbers, here is something I want... (read in full...)
Anxiety & panic attacks are ruining my life!
Q. hello friends, i suffer from anxiety and am tired of this problem. it keeps haunting me all the time. life has become a horror story for me. i have thought over this problem to the depth but i feel anxiety without any obvious reason and it has b...
A. 18 December 2008: First, how are your other emotional balance? Do you become angry easy? Do you explode and yell over small things? When someone does something you don't appreciate or says something, do you confront them about it?
Do you have a general idea of what... (read in full...)
Could this still be post natal depression? I feel I have fallen out of love with my husband.
Q. I have a strange sort of problem which is beginning to scare me a little. I am 25 and gave birth to a beautiful little girl 6 months ago. After the birth I had post natal depression which really came between my huaband and I, and although I have ...
A. 18 December 2008: It could be depression, but may be more than that. I think, playing into the depression factor, is how you changed from working to staying at home. It's great being a parent, but do you feel as if you're not accomplishing what you'd like to? ... (read in full...)
Is it just nerves because this is new or is this a sign that he might be gay?
Q. my new boyfriend does not get an erection while looking at me or touching me. He only gets an erection if I am stimulating him manually or oraly and likes his butt played with. He said he's not really in to anal sex and when we do have sex he ...
A. 16 December 2008: You said he's normal wanting to be with you, and says your beautiful. He's all over you when he gets a chance. If he was gay, I think getting all over you would seem more like an obligation than something he wants to do. ... (read in full...)
I'm crazy in love with my ex who has someone and cheats on her with me!!
Q. I was with my ex for 2 and half years we lived together and talked bout marriage. I was close hearted and emotionless didn't tell him i loved him. and we broke up once but got back together cuz i said i would try and be more loving and I did 100% ...
A. 16 December 2008: Why does he keep coming to you? Because he can. You're letting him do this by not standing up for what you deserve. Fine your in love with him, but why should you be the second woman in anyone's life. Realize it's you who deserves better. You're not ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's brother forced himself upon me, should I tell the family?
Q. Well, I suppose that it started when my boyfriend cheated on me when I was pregnant. I had a really hard time dealing with it, but as with all wounds, time has helped to heal. A few months ago, my boyfriends boss/ brother/ best friend and some ...
A. 16 December 2008: First of all this person had not right to do what he did. My ex-wife almost had something like that happen, until she said she would tell no matter what if he didn't stop, and because I was substantially bigger and stronger than this guy, he took ... (read in full...)
Help me understand my heart?
Q. So this might end up being really long but please bare with me I need help! Ever since 3 years ago me and this one guy I know have been friends. We've been through quite a bit.But the first year while we were still in high school me and him didn't ...
A. 16 December 2008: Let me ask you something, and this I want you to think about. If someone is "truly" the love of your life, would your heart ever question it?
Figuring out your heart, I want you to focus on your true feelings without thought. What is always t... (read in full...)
Is it just nerves because this is new or is this a sign that he might be gay?
Q. my new boyfriend does not get an erection while looking at me or touching me. He only gets an erection if I am stimulating him manually or oraly and likes his butt played with. He said he's not really in to anal sex and when we do have sex he ...
A. 16 December 2008: I think you're freaking out. I personally don't get excited when seeing a girl naked, watching most porn, or going to a strip club. I get excited by physical interaction. ... (read in full...)
Are we rushing into things?
Q. I'm 16, my boyfriend is 18. We have talked about marriage and stuff and we have only been togteher for a year, is this like weird or un normal are we rushing into things? ...
A. 16 December 2008: If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer.
I'd wait a little while. With your age differences, and youth this is a critical time where he's growing as an adult, and you're growing into becoming an adult. The next year or two w... (read in full...)
Is this normal or the start of abuse?
Q. I met this guy when I was 17 years old and he and I have been sleeping together and been "Together" on and off for three years. I am almost twenty one now. The relationship has become unhealthy and we are more addictied to each other. I cant get him ...
A. 7 December 2008: You said you slept with these other guys because he wanted you too. Love doesn't include you doing something that goes against your beliefs. You agreed to play into his abnormal sexual desires, this would not be abuse. It is if he forced you into ... (read in full...)
Will there be any penalties for my boyfriend? I'm 16, and pregnant.
Q. I am 16 and my boyfriend is 18, I am pregnant with his baby. Will and I been dating since i was 14 and since he was 16. Him and I have been having sex since I was 15 and he was 17, my parents had no idea. On this week Tuesday my boyfriend and I we...
A. 6 December 2008: I guess it depends on the state you live in.
Now don't be intimidated into getting an abortion, it's still your body and a choice you'd make that you feel is the best decision. My son was born when his mom and I were about the age to you too. Hav... (read in full...)
My anxiety issues are destroying my life and my relationship!
Q. Hello I have some issues that I would like someone to give me an advice, I am a 27 years old woman, I have a wonderfull career and a wonderfull job and the best guy as a boyfriend. My problem is that I have been in this country for one year, an...
A. 5 December 2008: You answered the major key to what you're seeking help with. Your abandonment issues. Consider what's been happening as being a trigger. Not your anxiety, but the "great job", "great boyfriend" etc. You fear loss. This fear kicks in the anxiety. ... (read in full...)
Should I get out of this now or wait it out? And how do I get his parents to accept me?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together two years now and then just last week, the day of my boyfriend's 18th birthday, his dad "grounds" ME from his house. I haven't been to my boyfriend's house in exactly a week now and it's because I couldn't get a ...
A. 5 December 2008: First of all, growing up without much is not bad. Material goods do not determine who we are as individuals. I would recommend getting out now. Not because of his parents, but his behavior with the other girl. He's weak spirited, not standing up to ... (read in full...)
I caught mydaughter masturbating with a balloon, is this some kind of fetish?
Q. I caught my 11 yo daughter masturbating with a balloon. I don't know what to do. STOP! Before I get a lot of hatful, prude comments, it's not that my daughter is masturbating. That is normal. No problem there. Should I stop her masturbating ...
A. 28 November 2008: Be open with her about masturbation. Talk to her about toxemia that can be a serious problem from using a balloon. Generally with children, I wouldn't call it a fetish yet. Kids experiment and sometimes what we call a fetish, they're still at the ... (read in full...)
We've been having an afair for 12 years and now he is gone. What do I do?
Q. well here goes i am new on here. I had in affair for 12 years im married he has a live in girlfriend with the same woman for 12 years. the affair came so stressful i did everything i could to hold on to him. Well he started to make up excuses with ...
A. 25 November 2008: Teressa: Glad to hear your getting a fresh start. It's not the easiest to make changes. What I used when making substantial changes in my life was a balance calendar. Too often we get out of balance by focusing on what present and ignoring what may ... (read in full...)
Is this normal or am I crazy??
Q. OK so I have so many questions and I dont know where to start so I giving this a try, I'm honestly just looking for advice, so I am a fairly younger person who has recently went through a divorce, my marriage was falling about a year ago, anyways ...
A. 23 November 2008: First, never date a married man. I'm not saying this to lecture right or wrong. What I'm saying is that dating a married man is placing yourself in a position where a minimum of one person will get hurt. Leaving the wife hurts her, not divorcing to ... (read in full...)
Help me reprogram my wife!
Q. My patience is wearing thin, so I figured I’d ask the readers here for some advice. First, let me start out with some facts: I’m 32 and married. My wife is 26 and pretty awesome. I have few complaints about her. She’s warm, kind, and genuinely lo...
A. 21 November 2008: It sounds like the marriage is in a rut of autopilot. Just as everything else in life, a marriage takes work. Sex in a marriage is not about self-pleasure. It's about sharing with the other person and focusing on pleasing them. Your not with each ... (read in full...)
What to do if you're stuck in a relationship?
Q. So I'm 17 years old and recently moved in with a guy who is 20. When I moved in with him I also ended up dropping out of school. Prior to doing that I was a really good student with a 4.0 GPA. I only knew this guy for about 2 weeks before I moved in ...
A. 21 November 2008: Why do you feel at your age living with a guy is the right choice? Going from a 4.0 to not being in school? What dreams and goals did you have before. I don't think you'd get excited and dream about dropping school and living with someone you don't ... (read in full...)
Lads, if you had a baby with someone else, would you want to be apart of the baby's life?
Q. Lads, if a girl you had a short term relationship with, had your baby, but you were with someone else, would you be a man and step up to the plate and actually want to know your child? ...
A. 21 November 2008: Of course. It's not about the child's mom, it's about this child. I love my children and couldn't imagine living without having them around.... (read in full...)
She's thinking about cheating on him with me
Q. She thinks about cheating on her boyfriend with me. We haven't done anything, yet. But the more we hang out, the higher the chances of something happening. I want to have an exclusive relationship with her. What do I do? ...
A. 21 November 2008: If she doesn't want to be with him, she needs to end it. With her wanting this shows an exclusive relationship with you may not be so exclusive from her end.
This is what you need to keep in mind, which is too often ignored by personal desire or w... (read in full...)
With someone new but still have feelings for my baby's father.
Q. Well see I'm just about 8 months pregnant and I'm not with the father. I have a new bf but I know it's been about 8 months I havent been with the father. I still have strong feelings for him. I'm not sure what to do. My bf hates my baby's father ...
A. 19 November 2008: I thought I'd ask. Seeing the age range you listed, I saw that as being a possibility.
To answer your question, quite often we don't get over someone who had been a big part of our lives. It's normal. I have a 9 year old daughter, split up when... (read in full...)
With someone new but still have feelings for my baby's father.
Q. Well see I'm just about 8 months pregnant and I'm not with the father. I have a new bf but I know it's been about 8 months I havent been with the father. I still have strong feelings for him. I'm not sure what to do. My bf hates my baby's father ...
A. 19 November 2008: Take a break from the boys. Have your baby and get settled with those changes before entering into the dramatic world of dating again.
Let me ask you this. Was your baby's father the first guy you had sex with? If so, that would explain why it is d... (read in full...)
I found some more forwarded emails from her to my boyfriend, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend secretly kept in touch with a girl he once worked with about a year ago. They exchanged emails, chatted, and text and he hid it from me very well. He wanted to date her sometime ago, but he was rejected. They however stayed friends. She ...
A. 19 November 2008: To you, is it okay for your boyfriend to continue friendships with girls? Has there been a time prior to all this where you may have given him the impression being friends with girls is unacceptable, such as showing jealousy or control?
I want you ... (read in full...)
My F-I-L harrassed me, and said he won't stop until he gets what he wants.
Q. I am 32 years old and married my husband 5 months ago. My husband's father had been very close to me, really helping me be accepted in the family. Its a big family with 5 kids, all of whom are married, my husband being the youngest of the children. ...
A. 19 November 2008: Your husband idolizes the wrong person. Feeling up his son's wife, he has absolutely no respect for his son, or your marriage. Your body is yours which he has absolutely no right to abuse.
What you wear is your business. His being agressive is his ... (read in full...)
Men: why do you ask about a woman's past if you're just going to judge her for it?
Q. Men: Why do you ask about a woman's sexual past if you are going to (intentionally or otherwise) judge her for it and hold it against her? ...even when she has never been unfaithful, she has always been honest with you, she is with you and doesn't ...
A. 18 November 2008: It's psychological. Women do it as well. Sory about the term here, but it's sometimes called "menaal masterbation." These talks should be kept to a minimum. For both men and women it's simple to become jealous about the past. Depending on what ... (read in full...)
I hate breasts!
Q. I hate breasts! I hate the fixation, the obsession, the sexualization! Why can't we be just like other mammals who only get large breasts when they're lactacting, and have flat breasts the rest of the time? UGH! Yes, I'm small chested, I have ...
A. 17 November 2008: I prefer small. I want you to stop focusing on what you don't have and focus on what you do. Your focusing on what others like and don't like, be yourself and find happiness in being yourself. Someone who's true to you won't care how large your ... (read in full...)
I want without my parents negatively judging me for it.
Q. Hi. I have been dating my bf for almost 3 years. I'm 23 (almost 24) and he's 25. He works for an airline company and is always saying we should go places and travel, especially since it's free for us. I would love to travel, but my parents are very ...
A. 17 November 2008: Your parents will always be your parents. Their "old fashion" morals deserve respect. It sounds as if they provided you a solid foundation for your growing up.
As an adult, you now have your own set of morals, some of which you can be thankful... (read in full...)
Out of control son! How can we change him?
Q. Dear helpers, I hope you can send me your thoughts because I'm running out of ideas here. I have a son in his twenties, since he was a baby he's always been very bad tempered, he always complains about everything: the food, the decisi...
A. 17 November 2008: Seek assistance from a counselor. It sounds as if his abnormal behaivor stemps from something that needs psychological treatment. Chances are his childhood problems are still present, only taking on different directions. I'd say to get him checked ... (read in full...)
We've been having an afair for 12 years and now he is gone. What do I do?
Q. well here goes i am new on here. I had in affair for 12 years im married he has a live in girlfriend with the same woman for 12 years. the affair came so stressful i did everything i could to hold on to him. Well he started to make up excuses with ...
A. 17 November 2008: I'll have to disagree with "kinky boots". I believe you need to come clean and spill the beans. I say this because of the long term consequenses holding guilt in can cause you. Guilt is an emotion that can cause a great level of destruction. The ... (read in full...)
I'm being bullied over a drunken one night stand.
Q. im sick and tired now! and i cant face it anymore, back in july i split up with my boyfriend of nearly two years, i was only fourteen when i fell in love, and we lasted 22 months! until his mum got made redundant and they ended up moving away, he ...
A. 17 November 2008: Your right, lame excuse. Actually it's not an excuse, and alcohol is not an excuse either. No matter what lead up to this, sleeping with someone is a choice. Missing school to avoid what people say is a choice as well. Not a good one I might add. ... (read in full...)
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