A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 3 years- we get along very well and each of us has gotten "family approval," haha. One thing has been bugging me though- they treat him so poorly.He's the middle child- has a brother 5 years younger than him and another one two years older. My boyfriend helps the most around the house (cleans, cooks, fixes things around the house, helps his parents when they need to write letters to someone because their English isn't as strong as his), he cares the most about family disputes and goes out of his), way to stop arguments (a lot in the family), etc.His older brother is really indifferent about things that go on, is pretty selfish, keeps to himself, NEVER helps with ANYTHING, but they just don't say anything to him ever. The younger one is the baby so he doesn't hear that much from the parents either.My boyfriend is the most considerate, loving, and caring guy I've ever known. His parents always put him down, call him stupid, yell at him, make fun of him, tell him he never helps with anything, embarrass him in front of people when they have guests over, etc. My boyfriend actually said to me that he thinks his parents hate him, or if not that then they like him the least out of the three. I feel really sad- he doesn't deserve this. I'm tempted to say something to the parents but I don't know if I should get in the middle of it and I don't know what I would say and how I would say it. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 If anyone were to say anything. It would have to be your boyfriend. I'd reassure him that all though their behavior is poor, he's still his own person and can become who he chooses to be. No one makes that decision, but him.
If you were to confront them, you'd be asking for family problems. Definately not what you need.
I hope this helps, take care.
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 No, stay out of it. The best you can do for him is to be particularly nice to him to make up for the way he's treated at home.
If you try to get between him and his family, as good as your intentions are it will probably end in disaster. Reassure him, help him, but don't get in the way. He'll probably end up hating you for it if you do, and you really don't want his family hating you either. Just show him that not everyone treats him badly.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (10 June 2008):
 This is a tough one. Its hard to see someone you love being treated that way, but you can't really do anything. Its his fight not yours, and he probably won't be able to do much until he leaves the house, as we all play those roles when we are in a family setting. When we leave we get more strength and courage and don't need to put up with that stuff any more. Also, he won't actually feel better if his girl friend starts fighting his battles for him - that will only confirm in his head that he isn't able to stand up for himself. Maybe some counselling would help him. Someone from outside would get a better view of the situation. Sorry to hear you have this problem. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Star_07 +, writes (10 June 2008):
 I would not say anything to the parents. Its probably best to stay out of it but you can encourage him to stand up for himself.
Definately encourage your boyfriend to leave the house!
He does not need to put up with being mistreated, even by his own parents. The healthy thing to do, if he is old enough, is get out!
Tell him that his parents just dont know any better. They are trying their best the best they know how but it doesnt make them right. People handle things differently so it is no suprise that the other brothers handle and get treated differently.
All you can do is support him and try to sure him up. Tell him that he not any of those things. Until he moves away it will be awfully hard for him to believe in himself and avoid them.
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