A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK so I feel like I can't do anything right in my marriage of almost 2 years. My husband is Iraq and I recently brought my sister to live with me for a couple of reasons but the main reason was to help her get her life together. I stressed to my husband I wanted it to be OK with him. He was fine with it but now He is mad with me, everything I do he gets mad at me for if I am not home when he gets online or I cant answer my phone, He threatens to take my financial support aways and divorce me! What do I do and how serious are his threats? I love him very much but I am NOT going to be in an UNHAPPY marriage. You almost might want to know that we got married about 6 months after we meet due to deployment schedules, do you think this has a play in it?
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Hi,
I can understand the stress your husband must be under serving in such a volatile environment. It must place all sorts of pressures on him.
But by the same token you are not immune to these pressures either , you have to worry about whether he will come home or not alive. So it is unfair of him to treat you like this, it is still controlling behaviour regardless of whether he is serving or not.
Try and explain to him that while you want to be there for him whenever he needs you that it is simply not possible, you have a life to lead as well and you cannot live this life by his strict timetables - that is simply unfair.
Marriages are about compromise, with your husband it is all about you doing what he wants not what you both want.
If he cannot understand this then your relationship is naturally going to be in trouble.
From what I have read the provision of support services to families of serving personnel is pretty grim under the Bush administration but it would be worth seeing if there are some military counsellors available to offer advice.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, oldeyes +, writes (16 June 2008):
It sounds like you are not being upfront with him. You need to talk to him. Do not rebel. This is what starts the whole cheating scenerio many times. Tell him why you are not getting online. Is it JUST your sister? It sounds like you don't want to. Your sister should understand. You should give your man the time he desires. At the same time, tell him your feelings. Tell him how you feel the best you can. If you do well enough, his trust issues will vanish. There is a reason he is upset and it sounds like you were contacting him more often than you are now. That is not a good sign. He needs that support and he is right to get upset because you have not told him why you do not answer the phone. no no it cannot be just your sister but if it is, tell him exactly what is going through your head. Believe me, you do this and he will trust you. Something that might help to think about is if you are distancing yourself from him. Is he in a high stress job? sounds like it. realize that you only seem to be interested in his financial support. It is not a very nice thing to threaten to do but you need to tell him that. tell him everything. be interested in his happiness and want him to be interested in yours. open up to him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Your answer to deployment is "yes and no". Your with someone who seems to have inappropriate control issues. I believe deployment had something to do with speeding up this behavior coming out. If he was at home it may have taken longer, but I believe he may continue treating you as "property" and not a person.
The problem is it may escallate. I believe in marriage, and making it work. But I don't believe in it if it causes you harm to do so.
Your the one who's doing what's right. In a marriage you're suppose to be loved, not told what to do and what not too. A marriage doesn't give rights over eachother. And you don't have to take it.
I won't tell you what to do or what not too, but I will say, I'd be worried about the situation you're in.
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