A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend got raped by my ex.I am 16 and so is my friend.My ex, he is 19 in a few days.Just yesturday my friend and I had a party because we had just graduated from school.yea we r young don't ask.Ok so we threw a party and I invited my ex because we said we could still stay friends.My friend dosn't know this but i saw her and sum guy goin up stairs and I saw that it was my ex so I followed them, they were talkin in her bedroom and laughing and all.So i left but i soon came back cause i herd strange noise's and i looked in and i saw my friend and ex havin sex only, she wasn't enjoying it, she was beggin him to stop but he wouldn't.I ran down stairs and called the cops but because it was so loud in the party they couldnt hear.So yea, what should I do, my friend now knows that i saw and she dosn't want me to tell any1, she is so scared that he will kill her next time.What should I do? I'm in a seriouse situation here!!!!
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female
reader, advice lady  +, writes (26 June 2008):
I think the best thing you can do right now is talk to your friend and try persuade her to report this man, he cant get away with this as next time the next girl could not have such a lucky escape. As long as she has a good support network then she should get through this. Tell her how you feel and how important it is for her to contact the police even though she may be scared or add stress, she will be doing the right thing be protecting herself and others from harm. Dont let him get away with it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): hi suga, well 4 a start i think you and your friend need a serious talk,tell her how you feel, tell her you feel you need to do something, explain that it wasnt called for, and no-one should be forced to do anything and if you both dont speak up and say something that the monster who did this to her could actually hurt someone else to.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Thanks for the guidance Waz on this whole issue. I've just looked at the advice give by the Rape crisis centre in the UK. All Aunts and Uncles should familarize themself with the best thing to say in cases of sexual assault.
The recommended advice is to be a friend, respect the wishes of the victim and to do whatever they want you to do. The worse thing is to try to force or bully them into going to the police. Could everybody, including you dear caller look up the advice given for rape crisis support in the UK, so everyone will know how to give better advice and support in this very delicate area.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): You have received a lot of advice as to what to do re the police and talking to your friend etc;
I want to add this:
Did this "rapist" use protection? (I doubt); but you will have to find out from your friend; because if not; she will need to get the morning after pill a.s.a.p and will have to be tested for STd's and AIDS;
Please her health is at risk here! DO take the necessary precaution and get her to a doctor or health clinic if they had unprotected sex;
Be strong and assist your friend.
Best wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Sorry that link was for the UK. Try this one from Australia http://www.aifs.gov.au/acssa/crisis.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): If she dosen't want anyone to know then you have to respect her wishes. If she didn't know I would tell you it's your duty to report to the police what you saw. But now you have talked to her, it is clear she is too frightened to go to the police and she may deny that anything except consensual sex happened. She's your friend, she's not superwoman, it's not her role to protect every woman in the world. If she's too scared to do this, then don't pressure her, don't make her feel guilty for being scard on top of the rape that happened.
She's told you and nobody else. She wants to keep this a secret. Be a friend, if she wants to keep secrets, then help her, keep her secrets for her. Tell her to get in touch with the local rape centre http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/ they will listen to her story and support her and give her advice. Don't push, just be a friend and support her with whatever she wants to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): I agree with RCN, Lazy Guy and Stoned Cold Steve Austin.
He has raped your friend. He needs to be punished for what he has done to her and he needs to be stopped before he does this to another woman.
Talk to your friend and tell her that it is best that he gets stopped. Tell her that if this is not reported and they just let him get away with it scott free then he will be able to do it again and again. Rape is too serious to let him away with it.
Let us know what happens and what you and your friend decided to do.
The best of luck. My heart is with you and your friend. x
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A
female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (25 June 2008):
You need to report it but you need to get your friend on board. If you report it and she doesn't then the cops cant file charges because they dont have a victim. Stupid law but understandable. They will think that since he is your ex and she is your friend that you are trying to get back at them for having sex which isn't the truth but they really cant do anything without her. Just explain how serious it is and that he will do it to others and just really be there for her to help her through it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): if you are a true friend and really care for her then you will call the police and get this sick, twisted weirdo behind bars! people like him deserve hanging!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): I really don't like the way you handled things, I'm sorry but If I saw my freind or any other girl being raped, I make sure I got through to the police like gone outside make the call or turned of the music and yelled at the guests of what's going on OR hit the guy over the head with something.
Now, you should do the right thing and go to the police.
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A
male
reader, stoned cold steve austin +, writes (25 June 2008):
i think you should report to the police,rape is a very serious crime and he needs to be stopped before he attacks another woman
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 Report it anyway, go to the police and simple report what you saw, if the police works the same as in holland they will type up your report and save it, should she wish to report it in the future then your report, giving fresh after it happened can be used.
If he rapes another woman and she does report, then your report can be used in that case as extra evidence.
Rapists need to be stopped, yes it is hard for the victim to come forward but if he isn't stopped now he will do it again.
You really ain't got a choice but to report him yourself and try and persuade her to do so as well. Is there someone she really trusts and respects who might be able to talk to her?
Don't let him get away with it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 June 2008):
 He needs to be arrested. Your friend should not have to live in fear. Rape, is rape, and those who do that generally don't stop after just one time. They find others. This would not only protect your friend, but also protect those who he had not raped yet, but will if opportunity allows him too.
I also recommend she sees a counselor. The trauma victims cary from being raped can be damaging for the long haul. I have a friend of mine who was raped, and is still overcoming the trauma. Her rape happened 22 years ago.
People who are raped need to stop being quiet. I bet some rapes happen because they know their victim won't tell. He had no right to do what he did, and I feel he has no right to continue harming people. He should answer for his crime.
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