A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HiIm confused! I am 21 and have always been very headstrong! 4 years ago i met a married man who i instantly fell for. I found out he wasnt happy in his marraige and made a play for him...it worked and i am now married to him! He worships the ground i walk on, he keeps me financially and gives me everything i want. Three months ago we started to have alot of work done on our house and i felt a connection with the builder straight away. The builder is married with two children, however is attracted to me and started texting me flirting. I responded. I have now fell for him hook line and sinker! He then text me one day and said nothing would ever happen he was just messing around. I was ready to give him everything, and now i feel stupid. I love my husband but feel we dont click like i did with my builder friend! I cant stop thinking about him! Is this just a case of the common crush? please help i am going out of my mind and doubting everything! H
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Vow, you are going to hate me for what I have to say, but, vow yu have to grwo up!
You cannot continue to play with people and there emotions; you are on a road of self destruction;
I URGE you; get professional help; you have some serious unresolved issues; could even be from childhood;
BUT
please, get help; you are going to hurt your husband; destroy your marriage; the builder and his marriage; and most of all: in the end YOURSELF.
Stop doing this; GET HELP!
A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Let the builder go.
You already uprooted one man's marriage because you wanted a chase and now that you have him, you're bored of him because he "worships the ground you walk on" and that's no longer a challenge.
Grow up.
The builder told you to leave him alone and I think you should listen to him - don't you dare ruin another man's marriage, that's just low.
If you truly love your husband, you will look for ways to make your marriage more exciting. The honeymoon stage is over and if that's all you wanted, why did you bother get married?
Marriage is a committment, you took vows to stay with your man, don't break them just because a man who's done work on your house has entered your life.
Stick with your husband. Stop looking for other men. And for God's sakes, don't text the builder anymore before you get too into him and do something you regret!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (21 June 2008):
You husband is no longer a challenge for you. He was married, but you managed to steal him away, he was rich, but now you've got control of his money. You've sucked the life out of him so you want to move on to your next challenge.
The fact this builder has rejected you will probably only make you want him more.
Take a look at what you want from these men, and get some self confidence so you don't have to ruin lives to feel good about your self.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, evas  +, writes (21 June 2008):
You need to control yourself with men. Look hard at your life and look at the pattern that you've started. OK your husband of now was married while you were seeing him now you are married to him and this "builder-friend" comes in and your ready to do the same thing again. It takes discipline to be married. your in a commitment not a date.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 June 2008):
 I agree with the others. You really need to figure out what marriage means to you. You said you love your husband. Nope, not if you're willing to hurt him.
Realistically, there are others you could fall for. You need to leanr that when married, there is absolutely no excuse to fall into that temptation. If you do, you're not ready to be married.
You were ready to give everything to someone who does work on your home. That says being married does not have much value to you.
I feel sorry for your husband. If you don't change your direction, you will end up crushing your husband. That's what he doesn't deserve and you have no right to inflict on him.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Hi, I think you need to define what "marriage" means to you. You took a vow, does that mean anything to you? Granted, you are young, but you have to have a value system. The man you are married to , was married when you decided to go after him, as you would say, his marriage was not solid, so the two of you wound up together. OK, so now your eye has spotted another person, and you are head over heels, there will be many people who you will be attracted to. Does that mean you run to them, what goes with that? Marriages have to be worked at, it takes effort. You won't always be on a high. Now, I am not sure, but from your words, you were willing to throw everything away and run away with the builder. The builder has children and a wife, and it looks like, good judgment. Men flirt all the time, some do more, and are not interested in breaking up their families, though they flirt with danger. Take an assessment of what you want your life to be, and decide. Are you going to run with every impluse, or try to build your marriage and be faithful to your husband? He sounds as though he really cares about you, and you seem to be a bit bored and want a challenge of some kind. Be careful that you don't lose a good thing, and wind up with nothing. Take care.
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A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Sounds like you need to grow up a bit, my dear!
You're married. You took vows to be faithful to your husband - so uphold them! If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to realize that silly little crushes are now a thing of the past for you. Grow up, give up on these silly little games, and be a faithful wife. If you can't do that then you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. If you can't give your husband the honesty and trust he deserves, then you need to end the relationship.
And another thing, you must stop being a home-wrecker! Have some respect for the wives! This is two men now that you've tried to snatch away from their wives, luckily the second guy was smart to tell you to knock it off! How would YOU feel if some woman was trying to seduce YOUR husband? How would YOU feel if HE had an affair? How would YOU feel if HE left you for some other woman? Not too happy, I bet!
The feelings you had for this man were just a little crush. They shouldn't have been acted upon. In every marriage the excitement and "honeymoon" phase starts to wear off. Things can get a little dull. That doesn't mean you can go looking for excitement from other men! If you love your husband, you'll grow up and accept that you're married and that it's time to stop looking for boyfriends!
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