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... Send *ahlan a private message | | | *ahlan's profile:I dont pretend to know the answer to everything.All i can give is my advice if i can and my honest opinion.Although im only 33 i,ve been thru a few experiences-bullying,violent relationships,relationships where mind games were played,ive been cheated on and humiliated.Anorexia,bulimia,drugs-soft and hard,forced seperation while my boyfriend has been in prison and ive spent a couple of weeks inside myself.Prostitution,berevment,rehab.Its not all been bad though.Ive been going out with my partner since January 2000 and i love him to pieces.I moved away from my family and friends from one part of Scotland to another and though i miss my family,i still see them often and talk to them nearly everyday.I also have my partners family here and to me they are my family too.I love them i spend time with them often.
I couldnt survive without books.Im ALWAYS reading.Just now im into fantasy-fiction but there are times,when ive read just about everything.I am doing a fictional writing course through the Open University.Id also like to do a refresher English course and then do a higher English course-I only hope Shakesspear isnt involved.
As iv mentioned i live with my partner.We have our problems but then we wouldnt be normal if we didnt.I want a baby badly but cant see me having one now.I do have a wee dog whos just had her 3rd birthday .Half whippet,half terrier of some kind.She is my baby and i love her to bits.
Well thats my account.Dont know if its meant to be so long but i,ll put it in anyway.
Lots of Love,
Kahlan. |
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My girlfriend and I have had problems for a long time now, should we stay together?
Q. Dear cupid, My girlfriend (22)and I (26) have been together for almost two years. Things were great in the beginning, but we've had problems with her pulling her own weight and looking for a job throughout our relationship. I work and there were tim...
A. 18 August 2012: Intellectially, you already know the answer to youre question! When you get a job, I think you'll be expected to keep her going as i really doubt she is seriously looking for a job. Is she really worth it?
If you are both watching porn-fine. But ... (read in full...)
I cant stop worrying about my past and what people think of me, will this ever fade?
Q. Hello everyone Well I would just like some opinions views from people, maybe if anyone has been in the same boat as me? I am 27 years old and for the past few years I turned into quite a party animal and I'd say maybe went off the rails a bit. I d...
A. 17 October 2011: Hello, It's been a long time since i answered a letter with any advice, but you really struck a chord with me-I hpoe i can help, even a little! I have been in you're shoes. Drugs was my thing instead of drink and i did alot of things i am ashamed ... (read in full...)
What is going on? How do I confront him?
Q. I am 23 and he is 25. We have been dating for 5 months casually. We live an hour apart and I always drive to him, he never drives to me. I know all his friends. He knows no one in my life. During the first part of us seeing each other it was agr...
A. 29 March 2011: If i were you I'd phone him and ask him outright what the problem is! If he doesn't answer text him saying something like "If you've finished with me, at least have the balls to tell me instead of blanking me!". If he still doesn't get in touch you ... (read in full...)
Should I move on with things? Or do I wait for him?
Q. The man that I have been seeing for the past 3 months left to travel around South America for the next 6 months about 2 weeks ago. We were very much "together" before he went away and spent as much time together in those 3 months as possible. I had ...
A. 29 March 2011: Will you be keeping in touch while he's away through e-mails or letters? If you are then you will probably sense if he's pulling away. Before you spoke to this girl though, you were happy enough to go along with your plans to keep yourself busy unt... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is drinking everyday and I am lost here..what can I do?
Q. my boyfriend drinks every day first thing he does is has a beer when he wakes up....just there this evening he vomited for no reason he says it his nose being blocked up making him sick which i don't believe...i have a 2 year old son who dotes on ...
A. 7 September 2010: Your boyfriend has a problem. You say you don't want to break the bond between him and your son-but you need to put your son 1st. Your boyfriend isn't the best role model for him. If you really want to try and make a go of things, get him to admit ... (read in full...)
Unique gift ideas :)
Q. OK here are some unique gift ideas you can use to spice up you and your partners life. Last year my bf turned 27 and I wanted to make the day special for him and to keep him busy with excitement: 1) Since he turned 27 I took a marker and drew ...
A. 17 August 2010: These ideas are amazing. I'll definatly be trying those out. It's the perfect idea to put more romance in the relationship.
Thaks Kahlan... (read in full...)
She gave him a hand job but said it wasn't cheating
Q. I have been married for eight years now, recently my wife found this guy at work, she felt sorry for him, so she moves him into our apartment, so he can heal from an operation on his shoulder. Well let me back up, before he moved in he was stay...
A. 17 August 2010: I totally agree with mattnette and would ask her how she would feel if the tables are turned.
Also as chippy2 says, Are you willing to share her?Perhaps have an open relationship.
Or are you just frightened of losing her if you rock the boat? If... (read in full...)
How do I help my friend without getting her into trouble?
Q. So, i felt it would be better to post this here, because i'm worried that if i ask any adults i know that they'll tell the cops or parents or whatever. Anyway, my really good friend is in a bit of trouble, i think. She used to be a really good gir...
A. 17 August 2010: The only thing you can do is sit down with her at a time when you know tou'll have privacy and tell her how worried you are about her. Tell her you're worried that she's being influenced by her boyfriend, and that you don't want to see her dragged ... (read in full...)
He's always got excuses not to have sex
Q. Iv been going with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and things seem to be going really bad, we argue alot about anything and everything and i feel like there is a serious loss of communication on his part. I know he loves me alot, he spends all ...
A. 7 August 2010: Im in this situation myself. If he's spending all his time with you its very unlikley he's having an affair. Is he depressed? I think this is my partners problem. Also the longer this goes on, the harder it is to fix. I've also noticed the more i ... (read in full...)
Am I a virgin man?
Q. Once, my colleagues asked me " r u a virgin"? And i did not know how to answer them. I am wondering how '" virgin" is defined? Lets say if i have never had sex with a girl, but i have done masturbation. Then am I a virgin man? ...
A. 7 August 2010: Im pretty sure that a virgin is someone that hasn't had full intercourse. Masterbation doesn't count, neither does heavy petting.
Hope this helps
Kahlan... (read in full...)
I have been waiting 17 months for him to leave his partner and move in with me!
Q. Well I'm in great need of help and advise, I'm 23 I have a good job and my own place, here's where the problem starts.. I have been seein this guy now for 17 month he's 10 years older than me but he acts the same age we get on so well when we're ...
A. 5 July 2010: He,s using you. No it,s not all about gifts but it says something that its all one sided. Please end it with this at least 2 timing toerag(i can think of a lot of better names for him but you can't swear on this site). I have no doubt he's seeing ... (read in full...)
When will be the right time to get our relationship out into the open?
Q. hey, when i was 12 i met my boyfriend, he was 15 at the time, we went out secretly with only a few of our friends knowing, now i'm 16 and he is 19 and we are still secretly going out, firstly, is it wrong for me to go out with someone 3 years older? ...
A. 5 July 2010: When you were 12, i think 15 is too old, but the older you get the less the age difference matters. 16 is still a bit young, but as long as he treats you right, and isn't pressurising you into anything, then 3 years is ok. Only you know if he,s ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to like this other guy just a little when I have a boyfriend?
Q. there is this guy i've known him since 8th grade and we're in the 11th grade now.i always kinda liked him but were just friends. hes been saying stuff like he doesnt like eclipse(the movie) but hed go see it if i was going ,and im the only girl he ...
A. 1 July 2010: There is nothing wrong with being attracted to someone else even if you are in a relationship.It's natural. It's what you do that counts. If you aren't happy in your relationship with your boyfriend, you should finish with him, even if you don't end ... (read in full...)
What will happen after no sex for 8 months?
Q. if a woman doesnt have sex for 8 months will her vagina tear the first time she does ...
A. 11 May 2010: NO! If intercourse happens and the woman is too dry because of lack of foreplay and she isn't ready, then the vagina could tear. It would be painful anyway for the female and probably the guy as well. I know a couple who had sex before the girl was ... (read in full...)
He deletes computer history and lies about it!
Q. The past month or two, my boyfriend has been using my computer because his has a virus on it. He has been deleting the history. But then he lies about deleting the history and says that there must be a comptuer "glitch"! I know he is doing this ...
A. 20 April 2010: He's treating you like an idiot. I had an ex that did things like this then told me i was imagining things and that i must be nuts. Some days i didn't know whether i was coming or going and started second guessing myself.
You definatly know he's... (read in full...)
I think he has intentions for her...
Q. A former co-worker of my boyfiend named Roy slept with my boyfriends ex-fiance shortly after they broke up two years ago. My boyfriend found out last year after he and his ex-fiance got back together briefly and she told him about it. He was ...
A. 19 April 2010: If i were you, i,d feel uncomfortable about this as well. Even if he isn't interested in his ex any more, he may be feeling as if Roy took the piss, and he wants revenge for what he sees as a slight against him. He may be happy if he can split them ... (read in full...)
How can I learn to trust him?
Q. i have been with my partner for a year now, we get on so well, have a laugh, have a good love life, always telling one another we love each other... everything is perfect apart from one thing, i have really bad trust issues. before him i got hurt ...
A. 15 March 2010: It really does take time.My ex cheated on me again and again.It totally destroyed my self esteem and trust in men.When i met my current partner it took me a long time to believe him when he said he wouldnt hurt me.I did all the things you are doing ... (read in full...)
Milky discharge???
Q. i had protected sex a few days ago and lately ive been getting some milky kinda clumpy white discharge and they've been getting thinner too. my period is soon, probably in a week or 2. is this normal or did i get some kind of infection? thank ...
A. 22 February 2010: Better safe than sorry.Go to the doctor and get checked out. If you used a condom it should be alright but just in case get it seen to.... (read in full...)
Help me please... I can't get over him!
Q. I'm a mess! I reconnected w/a old high school sweet heart. We were both married w/children and love our spouse. In high school we dated for a year and then I called it off. We talked for a month almost every night for hours. We agree to meet and one ...
A. 22 February 2010: Because your lover lived in another state, when you did get together it was probably exciting-meeting up for sex with no responsibilities. If you were together you would have the same responsibilities you have with your husband and real life would ... (read in full...)
Am I a fool for leaving her?
Q. I was with my girlfriend for around five years, although for much of that time I stupidly just considered us friends, even though we were often living together and always sleeping together. During the five years I left her a total of three times, ...
A. 10 February 2010: No way should you even consider having kids together.It sounds like you keep going back to her because nobody better has come along.If you really loved her her not being equivalent to you in terms of looks wouldn,t matter to you.This relationship ... (read in full...)
Can a guy urinate inside the girl during intercourse???
Q. I know that this is going to sound kind of dumb but I'm just a bit confused and would like answers, without making a fool out of myself. Okay here goes nothing... can a guy urinate inside the girl during intercourse??? it just seems possible to me ...
A. 10 February 2010: I remember hearing years ago that this was impossible, but just to make sure i just checked online. Basicly when a guy has a hard on it blocks urine from flowing through the urethra, so only sperm can come through. However if a guy is inside you ... (read in full...)
Wish I could stop flirting!
Q. hey right here goes im 13 and a big flirt i know i am but the thing is that i dont know im flirting and now i hardly have any good mates cause i keep flirting with there boyfriends but my best mate she invited me to go on holiday with her family ...
A. 8 September 2009: I just read Talking heps comment and she does have a point!Whaat do you consider as flirting?
Love Kahlan.... (read in full...)
I'm so guilty that I cheated on my husband. Should I tell him?
Q. A few days ago, I slept with a male friend while my husband was out of town visiting relatives. It only happened, once, i swear, and I did not intend for it to happen. I didn't set out looking to cheat, it's something that just happened. We'd had a ...
A. 8 September 2009: I'd feel the same way.However i wouldn't tell him.Unless you are pretty sure someone will tell him first,in which case,it'd be better coming from you. You didn't make it sound that way though,so the only reason to tell him would be to ease your own... (read in full...)
He says he only went out with her so he could see me
Q. okay so i like this guy to make this simple ill use the names, me, james and kate, well basicly ive been friends with kate for like 11 years, close friends, and a few month back we was out one night and met this guy, james, i was like omg look how ...
A. 4 September 2009: This is a close friend of 11 years your talking about.What kind of guy goes out with someones friend to get close to another girl.If it was my friend i wouldnt go near him cos guys come and go but friends are meant to be there to stay.However,it was ... (read in full...)
My partner sometimes shows no interest and is looking at other women
Q. Iv been with my partner for nearly two years. Sometimes we have such a good time together and really get on! However we have other times when i can get really upset from him either looking at other woman or getting paranoid from his past. Sometimes ...
A. 3 September 2009: No,i dont think you are over reacting.All guys check out other lassies,its natural.My partner does it without even realising he is doing it,But he sounds like a bully and it seems like he doesnt care what you think.Id be worried about the agressive ... (read in full...)
We had an affair, he's divorcing his wife but what will others think of us?
Q. In Jan 2009 I moved across Canada to do my student teaching practicum in a small town. for the most part most of the other tacherswere really nice to me and I made alot of great friends. With in a few months of teaaching I started having an affiar ...
A. 3 September 2009: Im sorry to say you probably will be blamed,especially if he and his wife have been there for years,which isn't fair as it takes two to tango! Hopefully his family will be ok once they see you make him happy. I don't think you are over reacting as ... (read in full...)
After his dad died our relationship totally changed and now we have broken up, but I still hope we will get back together!
Q. Hi,i was going out with my boyfriend for almost a yr and a half when his dad died. this changed everything from the way he looked at life and from the way he acted towards us. he is the nicest person in the world and already in our relationship we ...
A. 2 September 2009: He will be hurting, and maybe just cant cope with a relationship right now.He sounds depressed.You always take it out on those closest to you,so thats probably why you started fighting with each other.If he hasnt been seeing anyone else then its ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have no sex appeal?
Q. Why aren't guys attracted to me? Guys never approach but they are always approaching other women, all types. Is it possible to have NO sex appeal? I could be lacking an inate appeal that women supposedly have. What do men look for?...
A. 1 September 2009: I read this to my partner,and he basically said what i had been thinking.If you think you have no sex appeal and have no confidence in yourself,guys will pick up on that.
You need to start believing in yourself.In Glasgow,Scotland,where im from ther... (read in full...)
We got caught on camera having sex! What should I do now?
Q. omg im so embarressed,my grandparents own this truck stop and i kinda forgot that we had eight cameras that show the whole yard well me and boyfeiend didnt want to get caught so we went under the truck and had sex well now everyone one who works at ...
A. 1 September 2009: OMG-And i thought id been caught in some compomising situations! Theres nothing you can do now,you cant turn the clock back.All you can do is try some damage control.If anyone says anything,try to laugh it off.
Your grandparents are a different stor... (read in full...)
If a girl says 'thank you' after you've been on a date, does it mean it's over? And how do I ask a girl from school out?
Q. [Mod note - two seperate questions were from the same poster, so I have combined both] Q1: im gonna ask this girl out. im 15, shes 16. I know her from school. Ask her out at school? If I do ask her out at school it cant be nothing super huge o...
A. 31 August 2009: Q1.First make sure shes on her own and not with a group of her friends.Just ask her if she fancies going out sometime.If she says yes, i dont know,Is there somewhere quiet and nice where you could take her.Make up a wee picnic or something.I would ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps breaking up with me, and told me he's not in live with me anymore! I know I should let go, but how?
Q. Im really confused and don't know what to do. I'm 19 and ive been going out with my boyfriend for a year now. Last month he broke up with me because he didnt want to be in a relationship, but we got back together, he has done the same thing 4times ...
A. 31 August 2009: You do deserve to be loved, but it isnt going to happen with this guy.You need to be strong and walk away from him.You will find someone,probably when you least expect it.This guy doesnt deserve you.If you stay away from him, the chances are he'll ... (read in full...)
Best friend has dumped me for boyfriend and I feel lonely
Q. In the space of a month i have lost 2 out of 4 of my best friends. One betrayed me, the other went out with my other best friends boyfriend and is in love with him so has no time for anyone else. I feel like my world has literally been turned u...
A. 24 August 2009: There is no need to feel stupid, if i had lost 1 of my best friends-never mind 2 i'd feel sorry for myself as well.Although it hurts because you will probably miss her, you are well shot of the lassie who betrayed you. With friends like that-who ... (read in full...)
Her ex is like a Calvin Klein model - how can I stop feeling like I can't compete?
Q. Hi there, i've had something on my mind for a few weeks and its eating at me so i thought i'd post on here and get the general consensus... I have recently got a new girlfriend, and it turns out that her most recent ex partner was into bodybuil...
A. 23 August 2009: If your girlfriend was interested in going out with a muscle bound, steriod filled pretty boy she would still be with him.Personally i think that guys who are all muscles look strange.Your g/f probably agrees as she told you he wasnt usually her ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to ask him about seeing other people.
Q. I've been on 3 dates with a fantastic guy..! but how can i bring up the topic of seeing other people..? Its not something i want to do, and want to know if he is in the same level without sounding like im coming on to strong..! Is it to soon to have ...
A. 22 August 2009: I would ask him, I don't think you,d be coming on too strong. Just say you while you are enjoying his company,you realise things might not work out,but when you are seeing someone, you wont be seeing anyone else as you wouldn't be comfortable with ... (read in full...)
I have just found out my boyfriend cheated on me for 8 months!! What shall I say or do now?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend (Daniel) for 16 months (since April 2008). The relationship was quite serious from the start as we had know eachother for a while already, we fell in love quite quickly. Around October 2008 to December 2008, we drifted ...
A. 21 August 2009: If it was me id dump him.He knew about your being hurt in the past and so it makes it worse that he,s done the same to you.If you decide you want to try and work things out,you will both need to talk to each other.He will have alot of making up to ... (read in full...)
How do I get her comfortable receiving oral sex?
Q. my gf is not comfortable with receiving oral sex. how do i get her to become comfortable with it?...
A. 21 August 2009: Some people never become comfortable with oral sex,try to get her to relax and dont dive right in(no pun intended).Start by kissing and licking her all over for a while before trying to go down on her.Give her lots of foreplay,but dont stick to the ... (read in full...)
I Just Can't Seem To Understand Her!!!
Q. Hello, to put it this way, I proposed to my Girlfriend, She said no, but she says she still wants to be lovers, I want to take it to a next level, and she's rejecting, we've been dating for 7 years, this isn't the first time I proposed and not the ...
A. 21 August 2009: Perhaps she is happy with the way things are.She is maybe worried incase it would ruin things if you were to be married. Only she can give her reasons. You said you talked to her.What does she mean when she said she,s ready but didnt know?A lot of ... (read in full...)
He wants to sleep with me, but this would threaten my job. What should I do?
Q. im working as a housekeeper. my lady boss told me that her husband is in love with me. i was asked several times already by my male boss if i want to sleep with him which i refused, he didnt force me though. i like my job and dont want to resign. ...
A. 19 August 2009: You need to have a talk with him and tell him how uncomfortable he is making it for you to work in his house.Tell him you wont sleep with him.Hopefully he will get the message and stop hassling you.I think you should start looking for another job ... (read in full...)
Please help me spice my relationship up with some roleplay.
Q. I have been with my partner almost 10 years and its been almost 3 since we've made love.I dont want anyone else-though i have had a couple of offers and i trust my man completly.I want our sex life back,but i dont want to get into a rut-which i ...
A. 19 August 2009: To those that answered, thank you for taking the time to help.There were really good ideas.We dont have a car but it would be an idea to catch the bus or train somewhere private,where there is no one around.The idea of the sexy lingerie,then walking ... (read in full...)
Christians: is it a sin to have sexual feelings?
Q. as a christian,having feelings of sex when growing up,is it sinful?...
A. 19 August 2009: Having sexual feelings is completly natural-especially when puberty hits. Its part of life. It doesnt matter if your a Christian, Mueslim or a Jahovas Witness. It is part of being human. Never feel guilty for having sexual feelings.... (read in full...)
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