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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I really regret what I did to him, how can I make it right?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have met this guy and we have been together for about a year, and through half the year I sexually cheated on him with my ex and lied. I'm not in love with my ex but i am defintely in love with my guy right now. I was stupid and r...
A. 30 May 2008: You don't have too. You chose your act, which caused damage to your relationship. He forgave you. He then chose to cheat, so it's now your choice if you should forgive him or not. We can't make that decision for you. My point of view is not too. ... (read in full...)
She's now married with kids, but She said when she comes into town we could have sex.
Q. I've known this girl for about 8 yrs, I've had feelings for her for about 8 yrs as well. She too has feelings for me, unfortunately we had lost contact at one point in time, and she ended up with someone else. She is now married with kids. She move...
A. 11 April 2008: All though the marriage is not great and he's cheating. To compromise personal morality says that area of moral belief didn't exist in the first place. True beliefs are 24/7, not changing according to the different situations. ... (read in full...)
She's now married with kids, but She said when she comes into town we could have sex.
Q. I've known this girl for about 8 yrs, I've had feelings for her for about 8 yrs as well. She too has feelings for me, unfortunately we had lost contact at one point in time, and she ended up with someone else. She is now married with kids. She move...
A. 11 April 2008: I agree with Doc. Maybe we you can give her a couple of pictures of you so the kids know who was involved in their parents splitting.
You do understand, as a fore warning. (1) People have been killed over sleeping with someone's wife. I reme... (read in full...)
I love him, but more as a friend/brother than anything else. Our sex life declined after our second child was born. Any solutions?
Q. I've been married for almost 13 years now... and have three daughters. Ever since we had our second child which was only 2 years into our marriage our sex life has declined. Back then if we had sex once a month it was a good thing.... now we can ...
A. 9 April 2008: What I find to be real crazy, but not surprising is how many relationships and marriages are going on right now, where the participants have absolutely no idea what they're doing. They have no clue about what makes a good relationships, or the ... (read in full...)
I kissed another guy, even tho' my boyfriend said he wouldn't forgive me if I did it again. Why do I do it?
Q. Oh no! What do you guyz think of my behaviour, i know i'm a jerk, damn! I really love my b/f and he keeps on telling me he wants to marry me when he's 28. We've been dating for more than a year now. About 8 months ago i kissed with his cousin at a ...
A. 9 April 2008: Tell your boyfriend. You did the act, it's not worth it to hide it. Hiding will sometimes create more misery than owning up to the truth. Your boyfriend deserves honesty.
You know what causes this? It's happened twice now. Stay away from parties,... (read in full...)
The 17 yr old daughter of one of my friends is coming on to me quite strong..it's tempting but I need advce...please!
Q. Hey, I'm having real trouble getting my head around this one. I'm a 45 year old divorcee with 2 children of 22 and 19. They both live with me after my wife ran off with another man. I'm lucky that I have a close circle of friends around me with m...
A. 9 April 2008: I've had younger girls show attention. What you have to do is respect her, all though temptation is getting to you. Would you loose a friend by jumping on his daughter?
I had a girl do this a few years back. She was like that because she had been... (read in full...)
Do guys only want to date me as a stop over in preparation for the right one? I feel so used!
Q. Hi Anne, Last year i was in a very troubled relationship but couldnt get out of it. i guess i figured no one else would want me. while i was in this relationship i met an amazing man and we fell in love. but because i was in a relationship i h...
A. 9 April 2008: Alicia:
Life does not always seem fair. At least we look at some things (wants and desires) as not being fair at times. You brought God into this conversation, so I will as well. Let's look at God from the prospective as a being who knows all, is ... (read in full...)
I need to feel safe in a relationship so I need help on this!! PLEASE...
Q. how to even ask, okay here goes well im engaged underage and in love with my boyfriend on the side which is more than my long distant fiance. im 17 years old my fiance is 21 which knows im 17 then my boyfriend is 35 and thinks im 20 i...
A. 9 April 2008: First I have to say, I'm really sorry you grew up with the parents you had. There is absolutely no excuse treating their child in the way they treated you. With that being said, which is a bit connected. Have you ever heard of abnormal attachment? ... (read in full...)
I cheated but now have allowed Christ back into my life. How can I get her to trust me?
Q. I am going through relationship struggles with my fiancée, I cheated on her when we were living together, and she moved back to Georgia. a few weeks have gone by now, and I am starting to change, I am being more honest with myself and her, I am ...
A. 9 April 2008: She may or may not be when you get back. Do you really believe you deserve her after cheating on her? That's for her to decide. Now one of the worse things you can do is telling her everything you're doing to make life better. Reason being "if you ... (read in full...)
His anger episodes upset me and our baby! What should I do?
Q. My husband has some serious anger issues - he doesn't hit, but he gets angry, swears and raises his voice every day. He does this in front of our 7-month old son, who stares at him with a worried look or cries. My husband doesn't seem to care - he ...
A. 9 April 2008: When your child is there watching, looking worried and crying, he is also learning. Being exposed to this behavior for a long period of time, he'll grow believing this is proper behavior so that's how he'll choose to act in different situations as ... (read in full...)
In 2 month's my boyfriend will be released from being inside for 6 yrs. I need some advice please.
Q. Please help. My boyfriend has been in prison for almost 6 years now and he will be coming home in June 08, problem is that I have this male best friend that recently our relationship has changed and we now are seeing each other intimately. Now my b...
A. 9 April 2008: You're going to have to make your decision and be honest with those it affects. We can't always protect someone completely from being hurt.... (read in full...)
I'm in need of a regular agony aunt I can anonymously get to know.
Q. I need people to talk to about my problems via email, i have no one i can talk to that i know in real life, id like both to remain anonymous but if u pride yourself in giving grounded and most important of all honest advice, even if u think it will ...
A. 9 April 2008: I'd be happy to answer your question for you. Harsh advice is better than candy coated advice. ... (read in full...)
How do I just get over it? I''m totally distraught and in a dark place.
Q. Ok so after the phone call on saturday i made to my ex to ask for second chance he pretty much said no. I was devastated. I sent him an email the next day to say that i tried my best and that he didn't want to try and that i understood that hes ...
A. 8 April 2008: Oh do we now? We just find it so easy. I'm sure you've ready some other posts on here, so I won't go into detail. I was with someone for a year. She was borderline personality. That's the love/hate disorder, that they used as the plot around the ... (read in full...)
He wants me to stay and let him prove that he will never hurt me again?
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost six years. He has been a really great partner and friend. However, he has cheated on me with around 7 women. All of whom he said he just had one time sex with. He has never told me or given me reason to ...
A. 7 April 2008: There comes a certain time in life when it's time to really make a change. This is that time. How long are you going to allow such disrespect? Your right, being cheated on hurts. So he's taking part in behaviors which he knows hurts you. Is that ... (read in full...)
How do I just get over it? I''m totally distraught and in a dark place.
Q. Ok so after the phone call on saturday i made to my ex to ask for second chance he pretty much said no. I was devastated. I sent him an email the next day to say that i tried my best and that he didn't want to try and that i understood that hes ...
A. 7 April 2008: Do you understand we often fear the unknown? Relationships are the unknown. They are understuddies, yet over acted upon. True relationships begin with a relationship of yourself first. As long as you lack in one or more areas of your self, we tend ... (read in full...)
She's now married with kids, but She said when she comes into town we could have sex.
Q. I've known this girl for about 8 yrs, I've had feelings for her for about 8 yrs as well. She too has feelings for me, unfortunately we had lost contact at one point in time, and she ended up with someone else. She is now married with kids. She move...
A. 7 April 2008: Your last paragraph is true, but that's not the way it happened. It's okay to miss her, but really how would sex change that. I will say, you might be greatful she went the direction she did. She's married, with children, and willing to have sex ... (read in full...)
My mom hates my new baby girl!
Q. i have been having sex with both my husband and his best friend (his first cousin) for 11 years. we were to be a double date when we were 17 and Jackson's (my husbands cousin) date did not show up. so we went out as a trio and been that way ever ...
A. 7 April 2008: First of all I'm not going to admit to or seem as if I condone the tripple relationship you had going on. To each their own, and everyone has reasons to why.
As far as carying his child, so their would be a piece of him left behind, I would have... (read in full...)
I really regret what I did to him, how can I make it right?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have met this guy and we have been together for about a year, and through half the year I sexually cheated on him with my ex and lied. I'm not in love with my ex but i am defintely in love with my guy right now. I was stupid and r...
A. 7 April 2008: Sometimes when a mistake is made, it's life changing. The thoughts "Why could she do this, then CLAIM she loves me?" "How dare her think everything is going to be okay, when she betrayed me." "How could she lie and cheat, then expect marriage?"
T... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to realise I am nothing like his ex?
Q. ok i just started going out with this totaly awsome guy, but im afriad that hes still not totaly over his ex gf. she was really controlling, and really kinda messed him up, even though he never really relised it. I really want to help him reilise ...
A. 7 April 2008: Just by actions. As long as you remain consistent in your actions, he'll begin catching on. She trained him by control, you'll retrain him by the lack of. ... (read in full...)
Is it natural or is my dream trying to tell me something?
Q. Hi, Weird thing happened to me. I was staying at my boyfriends house, we've been together for 6 months (had ours ups and downs, and loved being with him) but i ended up having a dream about my first love, saying that he missed me, it lead to k...
A. 7 April 2008: You don't need to tell him your dreams. He'll develop false ideas around the meanings. It's okay to have these dreams. Most people have them. They really have no meaning asside from a sense of something that was not complete in the incident. Or ... (read in full...)
I find myself checking his email or phone to see if he's up to something.
Q. Ok..guys i have major issues..me and my b/f been dating for 4 years...and in the past he has done some stupid things that rocked our trust boat! But we both agreed to be totally honest with each other and things been ok.. but every now and then, we...
A. 7 April 2008: First let me ask you this. How did he make you? How is it possiable for someone else to make you what you don't choose to be? Blame is a tool of transfering responsibility to someone else. It's easier than self blame, and makes it easier to justify ... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 6 April 2008: You're right about closing the old, before starting a new. Good luck to you.... (read in full...)
Communication in relationships
Q. I have been reading and have replied to some of the problems about relationships and most of them seem mostly to be a problem with communication. Talking to your loved one is the most important thing to make a relationship work, if you're not honest ...
A. 6 April 2008: I agree with you. I'd just like to say the communication which builds trust could be expressive or nonexpressive. Meaning, be truthful both in word and action. ... (read in full...)
She is destroying my life, yet I don't leave her... what should I do?
Q. I've been with this girl for 2 years now, and I'm a total mess now. Here is the deal. We met in argentina where I was on vacation. She went to that vacation with a guy but dumped him on the trip because she met me, however she told me that tha...
A. 6 April 2008: When you got to the making out part, that's about the time I would of called it quits. Actually, I would of as soon as I found out she had the boyfriend. That should have placed a red flag right in front of you.
Being with someone who treats you ... (read in full...)
How do I help my daughter dump her controlling and posessive boyfriend?
Q. My 19 yr old daughter has been dating a young man for a little over a year now. When she first started dating him I felt very uneasy about it. There just seemed to be something about him that triggered an alarm in my head. Within this year I have...
A. 6 April 2008: I agree with the other person, but the order in which this needs to be done has to be planned. We're not talking about someone who maybe has an attitude. Control and posession are different. He makes threats. That's the area that triggers worry.
T... (read in full...)
I want another baby, he doesn't. I feel like he doesn't love me.
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 9 years i have a 15 year old and he has a 12 year old i want to have a baby but he dosnt i feel resentment that he has had what i want with someone else but dosnt want with me.i dont know whether i should split up ...
A. 6 April 2008: Why do you feel this is about you? His decision may only be that he's not ready for, or has raised his child and doesn't want to go through that process again. When my youngest got out of diapers, I was ready to party, and that's not something I ... (read in full...)
How can I ever trust her? And if I do end up trusting her how do I know she won't start seeing another guy behind MY back like she did before?
Q. I like this girl a lot about 4 years ago, but at the time she was dating someone but very unhappy and was going to break up with him and eventually go out with me, but weeks turned to months and eventually i gave up on her and her constant lies of ...
A. 6 April 2008: I agree with the other poster. Girls can be players too. It's not the fact that she's dating someone. It's beyond that. She's dating someone, and doing things with you that are not appropriate to do when in a relationship. She's lying, deceiving, ... (read in full...)
I've just got engaged but now I feel like pulling away for a little while?
Q. hello agony aunts, i am just recently engaged and have been with my fiance for 10 years. although i know that this engagement is the next logical step in our relationship, i can't help but feel that there is something missing. all of the pass...
A. 6 April 2008: Sounds like you're having second thoughts on if he's the right one to walk down the isle with or not. I'd say, if you don't love him like you should in an engagement, you need to pull away. Your "missing" something is generally personal. There's ... (read in full...)
She knew how upset I was when he dumped me but yet that night she called and asked him to have sex.!
Q. Me and my boyfriend had been together 8months, he broke up with me on friday but we got back together yesterday. Me and my cousin are really close i tell her everything she tells me everything.Me and my bf have had sex a fair few times before and...
A. 6 April 2008: It's hard being a teen. Weather a promise is on someone's life or not, it's still a promise and should be treated as such. I'd just be up front and ask her. ... (read in full...)
Why the tears and "empty feeling" when I was gone if he is not in love?
Q. I have dated a man for 3 years. When we met we did not see it as a match but the sexual chemistry was great. Given that we made a deal that if either of us met someone else all we needed to do was to call and tell the other person that. I did abou...
A. 6 April 2008: You may need to give him a nudge. Let him know how you feel and how you deserve to be loved. He may need some help to overcome. All though I believe in love, and trying to work things out. You may need to tell him, you can't stay in a relationship ... (read in full...)
I didn't mind getting into swinging clubs etc but I seriously object to getting it on with other women just to please him!
Q. OMG, my situation is so difficult until I'm really ashamed of my immoral behavior. I've been in a relationship for almost two years. I would have let him go a long time ago, but he possess so many good characteristics I feel that I would really ...
A. 6 April 2008: What you did is a wonderful thing. You took someone from not having too having. Being part of this site for a while, there are quite a few people who have given advice and have changed the direction of someone else, saved a relationship, helped ... (read in full...)
How do I just get over it? I''m totally distraught and in a dark place.
Q. Ok so after the phone call on saturday i made to my ex to ask for second chance he pretty much said no. I was devastated. I sent him an email the next day to say that i tried my best and that he didn't want to try and that i understood that hes ...
A. 6 April 2008: I'd say, have a wonderful birthday. I'd send him a text back, just saying "thank you". That's all that needs to be said after calling you that. Just because he's acting low, you should still act above and better mannered than he.... (read in full...)
Is there any way to be in a relationship with your teacher without any problems?
Q. Okay lets say you love your teacher and then you find out he loves you back....cant there be someway for the two to be together with out any problems??...
A. 5 April 2008: Lets see 16-17 years old, I don't think so. Did your teacher say he loved you back? In some cases adult students aren't allowed to date their teachers. Reason being, "professional code of ethics". They have a student/teacher responsiability. If a ... (read in full...)
Are counsellors always right?
Q. I meet my b/f in September. We have been dating ever since. We have had sex and well we keep it all a secret but then someone found out and well here's the catch. See he's 18 and I'm 15, well I'm about to turn 16 in May. We was happy entile ...
A. 4 April 2008: what is ur state. not all have the 18 law... (read in full...)
What causes relationships to fail?
Q. This post is more of a page of a chapter on good communication in a relationship. The idea is to post examples of what makes poor communication. I believe poor communication is the root of most problems in relationships, if not all. Things said ...
A. 4 April 2008: That is soooooooo true. But its not just the lack of communication. Speaking, nonspeaking, etc are actions, so the individuals do each by choice. They would need to communicate to work the issue out. But realistically, people attempt to avoid ... (read in full...)
I think I am falling in love with my best friend.
Q. So, my best friend is a guy who lives in CA. I live in TX. We met at a national Bible conference type thing. Anyways, after meeting randomly in a gift shop, we just hit it off, and instantly became best friends. I cannot stress it enough, we are ...
A. 4 April 2008: Congradulations. Best of luck to you both.... (read in full...)
Why the tears and "empty feeling" when I was gone if he is not in love?
Q. I have dated a man for 3 years. When we met we did not see it as a match but the sexual chemistry was great. Given that we made a deal that if either of us met someone else all we needed to do was to call and tell the other person that. I did abou...
A. 3 April 2008: That first girlfriend thing must have had a huge impact on him. Let us change the words in your paragraph from "does not think he will ever" to "chooses not too." In reality he's choosing not too be in love, because he's still choosing not to get ... (read in full...)
It's hard when you feel like there's something wrong with you.
Q. I'm 23 and never had a proper boyfriend. I'm very shy, a little overweight and have low self-esteem. The men I've liked have been horrid to me, going out of their way to embarrass and make fun of me. You start to wonder what's wrong with you and ...
A. 3 April 2008: You feel as if there is something wrong with you? These men who make fun and go out of there way to do so, need to get a life. I find quite often they do so to compensate for their own inadequate feelings about themselves.
So how long do you feel... (read in full...)
Love, Trust, Affairs, Ill Health and Breaks up's..it's all happening!!
Q. Ten years ago this very day, my wife and I started our relationship. She was married and had only been so for roughly six months when we met. She was having problems and did not know what to do. I was just coming out of a bad relationship and we ...
A. 3 April 2008: First lets look at the issues from the beginning. When you first got together. You leaving a bad relationship, and her being in one. It's good intentions to want another relationship, the problem is, if you haven't had time to resolve the issues ... (read in full...)
I didn't mind getting into swinging clubs etc but I seriously object to getting it on with other women just to please him!
Q. OMG, my situation is so difficult until I'm really ashamed of my immoral behavior. I've been in a relationship for almost two years. I would have let him go a long time ago, but he possess so many good characteristics I feel that I would really ...
A. 3 April 2008: I think this would affect your sex life, and it seems really disrespectful being together with someone.
I can't believe he talks about these other women when having sex. That's almost as bad as discussing when mother is coming to visit. Some... (read in full...)
He's doing the dirt behind my friends back what can I do that wont affect our 11-year friendship?
Q. I have a best friend who has a boyfriend, Ok all of a sudden other females are trying to let my friend know that he's still talking to his ex girlfriend. Because 1 how did his ex girlfriend find out about them moving, that he has a new car, and that ...
A. 2 April 2008: I'd just tell her as a friend that you're not trying to judge him the wrong way, but you really ask her to sit down and think about it. Sometimes you want to not find out about being cheated on because pain comes with that, so we hide the ... (read in full...)
I'm sure she is cheating on me, what are the signs?
Q. Dear cupid: I have this beautiful girl but lately she doesn't pay attention to me anymore. When i try to talk to her she starts arguements. Once she came to my house smelling all weird as if she had sex but she says that she doesn't and will...
A. 2 April 2008: Unfortunately spying now, is called stalking. You have to really watch whats going on.
I'll have to say, when having these feelings, they usually are not wrong. Your second clue, is if she was not, what reason would she have to get defensive?
It... (read in full...)
What can I do to save this relationship? Any advice can help!
Q. Me and my boyfriend are together for 3 years, living together for 2 years.Last months were nerve-racking, we are arguing and fighting almost every day.I think there are 2 problems here: 1)i feel that i'm giving him much more and care about him more...
A. 2 April 2008: He's done what happens too often in relationships. Getting to comfortable. The second issue, now I can't understand why he is that way with a friend over you, but I can understand that some people are a bit more with the surprises and some are not. ... (read in full...)
I want to go... How do I leave?
Q. I have been with my BF for 6 years. I have known for a very long time that I need to leave. He knows I am going to leave and he does his very best to keep me down. Every time I start a new job he does something to make me really messed up in ...
A. 2 April 2008: Here's that information I got for you. Hope this helps you out. Just remember, take it one step at a time. Take care of yourself.
I apologize for getting back to you late - I was out of the office
unexpectedly. Here is information about the do... (read in full...)
How do I just get over it? I''m totally distraught and in a dark place.
Q. Ok so after the phone call on saturday i made to my ex to ask for second chance he pretty much said no. I was devastated. I sent him an email the next day to say that i tried my best and that he didn't want to try and that i understood that hes ...
A. 1 April 2008: Keep doing what you've been doing, and do a self evaluation. Let me ask you this. How much do you actually know about how relationships work? How much do you know about yourself, your personalities and behaviors, which provide benefit to being in a ... (read in full...)
I want to go... How do I leave?
Q. I have been with my BF for 6 years. I have known for a very long time that I need to leave. He knows I am going to leave and he does his very best to keep me down. Every time I start a new job he does something to make me really messed up in ...
A. 30 March 2008: I sent a message to the Counsel Bluffs domestic violence group. They'll send me a list of resources which work under your situation without children.
My first initial though was to notify the sherrif and have him arrested for domestic violence. That... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 5 November 2007: With the PTSD, she'll have to seek help on her own, It's not something anyone can do without her willingness to get help.
Do you live in a state that has "No Fault" divorce? If so, your judicial website may offer a self help section to draw up the ... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 4 November 2007: So what happened to the two who dated and couldn't be torn apart? It's almost like as the stress raised, so did the new and crappy marriage. Now, I really hope you have an attorney present when signing the papers. If not, I'm afraid you may get ... (read in full...)
I think I am falling in love with my best friend.
Q. So, my best friend is a guy who lives in CA. I live in TX. We met at a national Bible conference type thing. Anyways, after meeting randomly in a gift shop, we just hit it off, and instantly became best friends. I cannot stress it enough, we are ...
A. 7 October 2007: Didn't you agree to drop it? You also said twins separated at birth. If that was something that had happened, would you date your twin?
The reason I ask is, is this really a love for a relationship or is this a love like a twin separated at birt... (read in full...)
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