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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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He said he'd never rape or hurt me! I believe him....
Q. Hello, Im a 15 year old girl and iv'e been going with with a 22yr old male on the internet for about 2yrs this year. We love eachother so much, I live in australia, he lives in canada. He's told his mum,sister,nieces and nephews about m...
A. 4 January 2009: Your trying to justify doing something you feel is wrong with something else that is wrong. If it's consensual, you can't make others believe he pushed you into it.
Having sex is your choice, and consequences that may follow are related to you choi... (read in full...)
I don't want her little sister to live with her as I don't like kids!
Q. My girlfriend's sister (who's 5) was being abuse by her parents. To cut a long story short, child services called her asking if she wanted to be her guardian, or she'll be in foster care. She told me she doesn't want her sister to live with brun...
A. 18 October 2008: You are ruining your relationship. If I was in her situation, no dating relationship would be more important than taking care of my sister, who's in a bad situation. ... (read in full...)
Don't know what to do about my ex dating another man. Should I wait for her?
Q. Ok me and my g/f broke up about 2.5 months ago. We dated for about 2 years. Our relationship was good for the most part. We had fights but we got past them because we loved each other. We were both each other's first real loves and first to have ...
A. 18 October 2008: I'd move on. Don't punish yourself because she decided to be with someone else. She might see you waiting around and figure she can keep you on hold while she plays. At some point, if it's meant to be, it will be. You don't know when that might be, ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my wife that she needs to lose weight? I love her but am having problems with her neglecting these aspects.
Q. How do I tell my wife she needs to lose weight? We have been married for 8 yrs, 2nd for both of us. When we met she was much thinner ans said she worked out and stayed in shape,but over the years she has slowly gained weight and seems to have lost...
A. 12 October 2008: You have absorbed issues. Trouble accepting her as she is. Marriage doesn't regulate a certain body style that must be maintained.
Change has to be personal, not for anyone else. To demand change would be wrong and damaging. You exercise on a regu... (read in full...)
I have as great husband who trusted me with my coworker and "friend" - however we ended up having an affair which ended but we're tempted to restart it!...
Q. First I'll tell you about my husband - he is a wonderful husband and father. He goes above and beyond to ensure that our family is properly taken care of. He is trusting. He is not controlling, abusive or demanding. He absolutely loves me and ...
A. 12 October 2008: So what do you want? Be married, or be free? Marriage has to include limitations. I can't even begin to tell you how many people I talk to who are in abusive situations. They would feel blessed everyday to be involved with someone like your husband. ... (read in full...)
I have as great husband who trusted me with my coworker and "friend" - however we ended up having an affair which ended but we're tempted to restart it!...
Q. First I'll tell you about my husband - he is a wonderful husband and father. He goes above and beyond to ensure that our family is properly taken care of. He is trusting. He is not controlling, abusive or demanding. He absolutely loves me and ...
A. 11 October 2008: So what do you want? Be married, or be free? Marriage has to include limitations. I can't even begin to tell you how many people I talk to who are in abusive situations. They would feel blessed everyday to be involved with someone like your husband. ... (read in full...)
Is my husband playing me?
Q. my husband and i have been together for almost 7 years but married for almost 5 years and he left me for the second time in augest and he is another state and has a girlfriend but keeps calling me and says he is will to work things out but dont ...
A. 11 October 2008: he is playing the field. i don't like having to say that, but i believe in the truth, even if it's not the outcome we would like.
Here's the deal. He's married to you, has a girlfriend (which is adultery until a divorce is final). He wants you to s... (read in full...)
I miss my ex who was abusive to me, we want to take it slow, how do I make sure I do not get hurt again?
Q. So my ex and i are currently talking again-i am on a break with my current boyfriend because i can't get over my ex. anyway, i broke up with my ex because he was emotionally abusive and disrespectful-pressuring me to smoke and drink and sleep with ...
A. 11 October 2008: your wanting to get back with your ex? abuse = no love. you need to first fully understand that. is he really sorry or is he saying that to regain the control he had over you before? your not getting over someone who is abusive, says you still have ... (read in full...)
He said he'd never rape or hurt me! I believe him....
Q. Hello, Im a 15 year old girl and iv'e been going with with a 22yr old male on the internet for about 2yrs this year. We love eachother so much, I live in australia, he lives in canada. He's told his mum,sister,nieces and nephews about m...
A. 5 October 2008: One question for you, and I want you to spend time thinking about this. If there is trust in a relationship, why would he have to comment what he would not do? It's like saying, "stand in front of my car, I promise I won't run you over." Treat this ... (read in full...)
If a guy's fiancee makes out topless with another guy, is she cheater? Is she immoral?
Q. If a guy's fiance makes out topless with another guy in his bed when her fiance lives in another part of the state, is she a cheater? A s__t??...
A. 5 October 2008: She's cheating. Immoral depends on who's involved. My idea of immoral is simple. Taking part in anything which causes harm to another. She may not be causing harm now, but if he knew what is going on, would his knowing cause the harm?
She n... (read in full...)
She gets angry easily. Am I over-reacting?
Q. My girlfriend gets angry/annoyed easily and sometimes when I'm with her, she seems to get angry with me rather easily, or maybe she doesnt, but I think maybe I overeact and take her being annoyed/angry personally. I lover her dearly, and know...
A. 5 October 2008: What do you know about her past? A look into negative experiences she's been through will help answering this question.... (read in full...)
I think my relationship is falling apart because I support sex after marriage...
Q. I am 18 yrs old and im a virgin... I've been in a relationship for about 7 mnths... im still havin problems givin it up... I told my boyf dat I blieve in sex after marriage... he still gave me a try but now I think my relationship is fallin appart...
A. 25 August 2008: It's your belief not to have sex until marriage, and it's your faith not too. I see your beliefs as being part of who you are. It's built into your character, which is something you should not have to compromise for someone else. It really is too ... (read in full...)
Can you see my insecurities just reading this blog? What am I missing.?
Q. I was in a four year relationship with a women. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship but it just happened. In fact I had a big family problem at the time we met and I used her for emotional stability, just as she did me when I found out that she ...
A. 18 August 2008: You haven't moved on, mentally. You're also still dependent, and not independent. Although you have accomplished, I don't believe you're doing so just for your own being, but to prove your ability to others. Your insecurities lie in a manner which ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with my sister? She's left home to be with a man who hits her and is very possessive!
Q. My sister has depression and she's missing. My mother left to go to meet her boyfriend in Chicago and she was gone for an entire month, she didn't leave us with anything to help pay the rent or the phone bill, cable bill etc. My sister kinda picked ...
A. 17 August 2008: Complicated? How about simple. He hurts her and she lets him. I'm not going to blame her for staying though. Sounds like she has some issues that taint her perception of the situation she's in.
What's wrong with her? Depressions, low self este... (read in full...)
I was seeing someone else during our break, but never told my BF when we got back together and had this guy over to our place as a friend... my BF is now bothered by this.
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together off and on for about two years now, about 2 months ago he decided i was the one, we couldn't stay away from each other, it was amazing, it was all so clear where our relationship was going. One night after we ...
A. 16 August 2008: With you being with this other guy during the break and keeping him around creates this person as a threat to your relationship with your boyfriend. This rule is the same as with someone who cheats in a relationship. Number one is to end contact ... (read in full...)
He divorced me because, he says, I was controlling. Was I???
Q. My husband has recently divorced me very much against my will. He told me it was because I was controlling. I never asked him where he was or what he was doing , what time he would be home or anything. I felt I was only controlling in the fact that ...
A. 16 August 2008: I'd have to say mainly no. As far as the holidays are concerned, did it matter who paid? As a team, going on holiday should have been a joint decision as well. Not being so can seem to be controlling.
On a larger view, imagine a stay at home part... (read in full...)
Please awnser this question, are ghosts real or fake?
Q. Look i know this aint a love question, but i want your opinion on something. Ghosts, are they real or fake? i want to know what you think, as personally i think they are real. please awnser this question with your honest opinion, i will apre...
A. 15 August 2008: I believe they are real. Since young we've been told we're mind, body and soul. Who's to say all souls reach their destination. ... (read in full...)
I have to have a tympanoplasty operation. I'm scared.
Q. Well ever since I was small I've had ear infections through out my life.Well I went to the doctor recently and he said that I had holes inside both of my ear drums..he said that I have to have a tympanoplasty.Well I am scared because you know I am ...
A. 14 August 2008: If you don't have it, long term hearing can be obstructed. My son had to have the tubes put in his ears when he was young. I thought he was hearing just fine. After it was done, I bet that was the first time he'd heard a heater in our home turn on. ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure about sex with him, but since we did it he became very nice to me...
Q. I am sad to admit that I am a victim like in that book, "He's just not that into you". I met this guy in early June that I've been dating since. At first he was putting a lot of pressure on me to be in a sexual relationship with him but I didn't...
A. 13 August 2008: It sounds as if he's seeing you as a person and not just sex. Your past choices and experiences developed the way you believe you should continue to experience relationships. You sound as if you've learned from your past experience because of your ... (read in full...)
My controlling husband has decided to change only now that I want to leave, what do I do?
Q. I have been married for ten years. I have three children from a previous relationship, now adults and one from this one. At the start we were very happy. Gradually, he became more controlling and insisted on everything being done his way. As a ...
A. 13 August 2008: Is it that you don't believe change can happen, or could you be trying to rule it out because you see it as being easier if he doesn't change and you just move on?
I won't say weather or not you should stay or go. As a behavior coach I give info... (read in full...)
I have filed for divorce, now I find out I have to split my assets with him and he has to do the same, I have $100K, he has $4K, I will be able to keep the house, but only if I buy him out, this will ruin me financially, does anyone have any remedies
Q. I am a 48 year old woman with two kids ages 11 and 15. I live in Massachusetts. After 17 years of marriage I filed for divorce. I was in a marriage where I was doing everything by myself so it became emotionally draining. Husband refused to get ...
A. 5 August 2008: How long ago did he cash in his 401K? What was the money used for? If it happened after you filed for divorce, it could be seen as hiding assets. If you know the amount he had before the withdraw, and it was used for personal and not to benefit the ... (read in full...)
For four months, I have been involved with a man who is wonderful, but who does not want to have a relationship, but will not let me go on my way to find someone else, I am tired of the yes, no, maybe so, what should I do?
Q. Help! I have been dating this amazing guy for four months and he is everything I could possibly want in a man; however, he has issues with relationships. He has been hurt a lot before and tells me that "relationships are just exhausting" to him r...
A. 5 August 2008: Although you are affected. This deals with him and issues he's facing. This is difficult. It's an emotional block. He'd been hurt, so when his emotions start building with you to a certain level, the brain attaches the past pain with the present ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant with his baby, there are rumors that he is going to marry someone else, he says, it is not true, I am so confused, I really love him, but this is making me crazy, what should I do?
Q. Me and my ex dated for almost three years. He broke up with me because he thought I cheated on him. When he broke up with me I was 4 months pregnant. The day he dumped me he started going out with another girl. There were rumors that he was cheating ...
A. 5 August 2008: Congratulations on having a child. A child can be such a blessing. Being a parent, I think everyone should have a couple. They keep me young, and raising children is a wonderful experience. I tell you this because I think you may end up being a ... (read in full...)
One minute we are great together and the next we are at each other's throat. So what should be done?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 8 years. We have had some amazing times together and have also had huge huge arguments. One minute we are great together and the next we are at each others throat. For the longest, Ive been wanting ...
A. 2 August 2008: You too have issues to deal with before getting married. Relationships are about mutual give and take, not who's at who's throat at what time. Both of you need to learn how to be constructive and not destructive during confrontation. Working things ... (read in full...)
How do you get by when your children go away on holiday?
Q. Well, my kids (13 and 11) have gone off for a week with their dad on holiday. I feel like a right arms missing! They haven't long left and i'm in tears. I have to be at the hairdressers in less than 2 hours, and i look a mess. Longest i dont have ...
A. 2 August 2008: I'm a dad and a single parent. My daughter gets home in 8 more days after a 6 week trip to moms. She lives 1000 miles a way. What I do, because it is hard, even for us single parent fathers, is to look at the trip through the eyes of my child and ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend's brother hate me?
Q. I can really say that this is a relationship question. My relationship is perfect, but I'm a pretty quiet person if I don't know someone. When my boyfriends brother comes over with his girlfriend I never say much more then Hi, How are you? sometimes ...
A. 2 August 2008: You've done nothing wrong. It doesn't sound like he dislikes you. If he did, he wouldn't greet you at any time in a pleasant way. His looking at you when his girlfriend is not around is not appropriate. Reason being, his girlfriend may get upset if ... (read in full...)
My husband is being very strnage and 2 faced about our divorce....
Q. my husband of 25 yrs and i seperated 3months ago, we have three children together, 23, 21 and 8 yrs old, a divorce has been filed, today was supose to be our final hearing, but a continunace was filed for october. hes been living with another woman, ...
A. 30 July 2008: You are in a strange position. Since you have an attorney. Corresponsance regarding the divorce or anything pertaining too needs to be done between attorneys. If they feel it's relivant to relay information to you and your husband, let them make ... (read in full...)
My husband is addicted to porn and I'm fed up
Q. My husband of 25 years has been using pornograpy off and on since we've been married and has always had problems keeping erections. Doctors have never found any physical problems. We've been to counseling and he says that he loves me but he just ...
A. 29 July 2008: Do both you and your husband a huge favor. Get a second opinion with a doctor. That seems like a large number of drugs to handle single symptoms. The antidepressants don't seem to be working. The sleep meds aren't or he'd be able to crash easier. ... (read in full...)
I cheated numerous times since my wife told me the truth about her sexual past, in hope I would feel better. I feel worse and still angry. Help!
Q. I am seriously troubled with my wifes past and am so frusterated at the idea of living the rest of my life in anger. It is really depressing. She was my first girl friend and my only other sexual experience before her was a very humiliat...
A. 28 July 2008: First, why do you feel that your past should have been equal to her past. Everyone has a past. Your relationship is about the time you met on. What took place before is not what your relationship should be based on, but your making it that issue. ... (read in full...)
My husband is addicted to porn and I'm fed up
Q. My husband of 25 years has been using pornograpy off and on since we've been married and has always had problems keeping erections. Doctors have never found any physical problems. We've been to counseling and he says that he loves me but he just ...
A. 27 July 2008: Twenty five years and considering giving up? He's on meds but still feels bad. Go to the doctor and have the brand and dose evaluated.
Some antidepressants have a negative affect on the sex drive and the ability to keep it up. Depression can play... (read in full...)
My boyfriend drinks and may be cheating. The stress I'm under made me quit school! Is he worth it?
Q. I met my partner when I was 15 and we lived together from the age of 21. in our 30's we both split for a while but still kept our house both relationship did not work out and to be honest I always wanted to be with him and he with me we ended up ...
A. 27 July 2008: there are people who will help you with this transition. asside from friends, you can contact the dept. of family services. they have a list of who they can refer you to for that assistance. You can't try to fix a problem that he isn't willing to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend drinks and may be cheating. The stress I'm under made me quit school! Is he worth it?
Q. I met my partner when I was 15 and we lived together from the age of 21. in our 30's we both split for a while but still kept our house both relationship did not work out and to be honest I always wanted to be with him and he with me we ended up ...
A. 26 July 2008: So he's coping with pain, and you're coping with pain from his coping with pain. So where does the line get drawn and you seek help and not alcohol to cope with these issues. Help is not found in a bottle. It's also not found in making excuses for ... (read in full...)
I am confused and hurt by his cruel actions regarding me and my son!
Q. hi everyone, im a 36 yr old woman whose been dating a 57 yr old man for 2 yrs, and even though things havent been that good over the last few months as they were in the beginning i never dreamed he would treat me and my son the way he has over the ...
A. 26 July 2008: First, be greatful you do not live with this person. So his true self surfaced. After that, I would not want my children anywhere near this person again.
He says it's his house and you won't disrespect him in his home. Great! This is what it woul... (read in full...)
Do you think he'll ever change his mind about not wanting to marry me?
Q. I have been with my bf for 1 yr, 8 months now. I know its probably still soon, but I do love him. The thing is.. I think we want 2 seperate kind of lives. He dated an older woman [whom already had kids by someone else] before me [his onl...
A. 26 July 2008: Your boyfriend seems a bit cold. You can't predict how he may react down the road. I wonder what he means by not living yet. Does it mean not being tied down, and if so, with you how far will he allow himself to be tied down.
Sorry you chose an... (read in full...)
How do I keep myself from lying in various situations?
Q. hello.. I'm 16 and ever since I was quite young I've had a problem which is that i find it very difficult not to lie in various situations. I do it most of the time to make myself sound like a more interesting person because i've always been afra...
A. 26 July 2008: Live a life that you don't need to mislead people and lie. Sometimes people begin developing this habbit because of avoiding confrontation or saying anything that may look bad upon yourself.
As you get older, you'll find people like you for you,... (read in full...)
My husband left me over two months ago. I want him back.
Q. Ok, my husband of 12 years left me over two months ago. Eventhough, he had a very good reason for leaving I was am still in complete shock. When he left we were growing apart more and more everyday, I had been sleeping on the couch for a couple ...
A. 26 July 2008: First of all think about this from a different angle. He says he'll leave his new friend, IF you get back together. I would tell him that you are not willing to discuss the two of you, until he's single and free to do so without complications. How ... (read in full...)
I'm tempted, but I'm married. What do I do?
Q. I don't know what to do. I am a 27 year old woman and been with my husband for 6 years (married for one) when we first got together we had good sex. I have heard all about his previous "relationships" they were mainly all one night stands, he had ...
A. 26 July 2008: That's true, shouldn't lie. Finances are tough. We're reminded every time we stop for gas. With everything else going on, in a marraige, sometimes you need to step back to the beginning and learn to appreciate eachother again. Love can be magical, ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid my girlfriend will be scared off by my parents! they yell all the time.
Q. Sorry, this is gonna be long but I need your help. Please. I’m 15. great parents but they don’t get along. Constant yelling and verbal abuse. Mom yells 24/7. dad has made me grow up too fast and routinely gives me 30-60+ min speeches on how ...
A. 26 July 2008: I would talk to her about it. It's not polite to invite her into hell without giving a warning about what to expect.
You said your dad talks to you often. When he does, tell him to stand up to your mother, and stop accepting poor behavior beca... (read in full...)
I'm tempted, but I'm married. What do I do?
Q. I don't know what to do. I am a 27 year old woman and been with my husband for 6 years (married for one) when we first got together we had good sex. I have heard all about his previous "relationships" they were mainly all one night stands, he had ...
A. 25 July 2008: The first thing you need to do is start telling yourself that your temptations are not the answer, and eliminate that option from your thinking. This will enable you to focus on the issue being inside the marriage, and not seeking a quick fix ... (read in full...)
I really want to move to California, but my boyfriend is against it because he's a mama's boy. How can things work between us?
Q. I have always wanted to move to California. Its been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember. And the career Im interested in, I'd make more money there. But I have one problem. My boyfriend of a year and a half is against california. I lo...
A. 25 July 2008: You should plan on going to California. Don't let someone hold you back from your dreams. If he goes, he goes. If not, he won't. I say this because if your relationship was really that strong, which may cause a compromise in personal plans, you ... (read in full...)
My friend is cheating on his awful girlfriend... why can't he be a man and come clean?
Q. My best guy friend has been dating this HORRIBLE woman for almost two years. The relationship is on again, off again. He talks about wanting to be with somebody else because he doesn't like drama, but whenever they break up, she tells him what he ...
A. 25 July 2008: If he's not willing to stand up for himself, there really isn't anything you can do. He needs to decide what he wants and stick to that decisions. My idea are people who say "I'll change" is, if they wanted the relationship, they would have acted ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy and sick for thinking my boyfriend is getting off with my kid's underwear?
Q. Hello I am very disturbed right now and need to get some feed back. Maybe I am crazy. I have been dating this guy for almost three years. Certain times I get the feeling that he has a sick sexual side. Besides the fact that we have major issues a...
A. 25 July 2008: I believe your onto something. What makes you crazy is trying to deny or justify another answer coming with the feelings your getting. His attitute and jumpy behavior alone explains there is something going on. You've noticed a change in his ... (read in full...)
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