A
female
age
36-40,
*aina
writes:I have recently been getting some rather foreign urges. I am a 23 year old female, who is going to school and living at home with my father. My mother passed away years ago and my father has never really gotten over it. I love my father with all my heart and would do anything for him.Recently, my father began telling me how beautiful I was, and how he sees my mother in me every time he looks at me. I know he yearns for her. I have been getting the urge to make love with him. I feel somewhat awkward when I think about it, and somewhat ashamed of even thinking of it. The urge is getting stronger though and I am not really sure what to do. I am terrified to mention it to ANYONE. I am currently single, and not really into any of the guy friends I have, but I feel that this is because of my current desire for my father. When I see him looking at pictures of her, or when he tells me I am looking more and more like she did when she was my age, I just want to jump into his arms and kiss him, and let him know I am here for him. I am not sure how he will react, and am petrified of acting on these emotions.My brain is racing. ANY advice on this would be appreciated. My father is a 51 year old man.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 November 2008):
 I'd have to agree with the others. Counseling may help with the urges. You're still daddy's little girl, even all grown up. You love him and don't want to see him hurting.
He sees more of your mother in you. That may be true, and the urges to be with him may stem off from that. Although you have these urges, sleeping with your father is not going to heal the grief he still feels for your mother. You want his pain to go away, and think this may be a solution. It's a coping technique. Such as some who are in pain may do drugs or use sex, drink alcohol, eat ice cream or chocolate. The problem with these coping methods is, when coping wears off, such as sobering up, what was being covered up didn't go away at all.
I hope this helps. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): I think your feelings are because of the strong love you feel for your father. But I need to ask a few things. Are you sexually attracted to your father? Do you fantasize or daydream about having sex with him? Do you also find yourself becoming sexually aroused when you are around him? And have you actually thought about discussing this with him, maybe even imagining what you would say to him? And finally, do you feel like you are falling in love with him? Is it the most powerful love you have ever felt?
If so, a counselor or psychologist might help you to better understand these feelings, they might not be able to help you get rid of them. Like the old saying goes, you can't help who you fall in love with, and feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. I think you need to talk to your father and confess your feelings to him. Perhaps then together, the two of you can figure out what to do.
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A
female
reader, helpjayne  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 I think you feel you owe this to your father because it was so hard on him losing his wife and your mum but you're only getting these urges because you want to make your father happy. I think you could do with some time alone maybe go see a counsellor.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (12 November 2008):
 You, my dear, need some counseling. No, not because you're crazy or anything, I just think that you're still grieving and in an uncomfortable place in your life. You may feel like your father NEEDS you, because he seems to be still upset over the loss of his wife, your Mom, and because he leans so much on you for emotional support.
I will tell you that acting upon your urges won't make anything better, won't make him feel better or you. It will only make the situation much, much worse. I would space yourself from your Father and find a professional to talk to.
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