A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so terribly depressed. I was on top of the world a week ago but when I found out some truths behind the break up between my ex and I, it has sent me downward emotionally.After a rough patch with my ex, a friend of mine for five years named Jim (just began to befriend my ex towards the end of our relationship).Jim told me a bunch of lies after he witnessed a fight between my ex and I. He said that my ex (then my boyfriend) was never going to forgive me for our the fight and that I ruined everything between me and my then boyfriend. That he had spoken to my ex numerous times and that my then boyfriend might act like he was over all our problems he really wasn't and that everything was my fault. He continued to lay in on my for a half hour until I started to cry. I stopped talking to him after that. And instead of biting the bullet through that rough patch I ended it due to all the things Jim said. (The rough patch made it easy for me to be convinced I had no hope.)Three months later my ex and I started communicating again. We finally discussed the last fight (which I always felt was provoked by Jim) and when I told him what our then mutual friend told me my ex said, "I always said Jim wasn't the reason for our breakup but now maybe he was". We resolved the past fight in 20 min after 3 months of being apart. He said he misses me I said I missed him. He told me he wanted to see me again and that he was still single. We had another really long wonderful conversation the next day and he said how he still looks at pictures of us. He wanted to set up a time to met again but we hung up because it was getting late.I have heard nothing from him for two days. I feel like a fool for giving up on my relationship of 2 years and now, even though things seem like they are looking up for me and my ex... I can't but help doubt any chance of reconciliation. He said everything but," I want to get back together." I just want to hear those words from him. I am now crying at night, having sad dreams, and started cutting (not deep but surface scratches) its been so long since I've done that, its shocking to me that I feel this way.I have a perfect job and apartment in a really nice part of the city. But I am alone here. I have no friends and no one is friendly. I thought I was moving up but now after this new development I feel so down. I just want any advice to bring me back up again. To make less sad.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 October 2008):
 I don't understand why you listened to this friend. He sounds manipulative and didn't have yours or your ex-boyfriend's best interest when he talked to you. He convinced you there was no hope? It wasn't the rough patch that assisted. I believe it's because of your lack of faith in yourself. Someone who has a strong self esteem would have tossed away what the friend said as bs, but I think with you, he reinforced what you tell yourself.
I can also tell you've had a low sense of self by your beginning your cutting. Why did you do this before? I know you want to be told it's all going to be okay. I can tell you this. You will not be happy in any relationship as long as you continue feeling negative about yourself. Your seeking a "relationship" as a way to fill a void you're missing in your sense of self. It's okay to seek a relationship, but do so because you want to share with someone and not because it's a need.
Work on establishing your sense of self. The stronger you become the better your relationships will be. Everything starts with you and who you become. You will always be the most important person to yourself. When faced with obstacles, how you feel about yourself can really make you crash or overcome.
Good luck to you. I wish you the best. Take care.
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