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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Could the pharmacist have been mistaken, or does he make sense?
Q. Today I went to the drugstore to get the morning after pill. Now, I am on birth control too, but I wanted to get it just to be safe. But when I got to the pharmacy and explained everything to the pharmacist, I got the strangest look when I mentioned ...
A. 23 February 2009: I'd advise against it. Being on one pill and taking another, can render either one ineffective. Warnings are on many bottles, "don't take X, X, or X, while taking this product." I'd think the same applies when mixing birth control. ... (read in full...)
Why won't my husband sleep with me?
Q. My sex drive seems out of control. My husband doesn't really like to have sex with me as much as I think I need. Not only that, but when I do have sex with him, I feel disappointed. He has never been able to make me orgasm. He is the only person I ...
A. 23 February 2009: As far as his controlling you, are their other signs that he is trying to do so, other than sexual?
Sex is a means to release stress, not create additional stress. If he has stress that he brings home, and it affects your marriage, his prioriti... (read in full...)
Why did I let my girlfriend have sex with another man?
Q. I have a real big problem. I've always been a very reserved guy in terms of sex and relationship wise. So is my girlfriend. However, for some reason one day I had the fantasy of seing my girl with another man having sex. However, I liked to keep it ...
A. 21 February 2009: So, was this a desire of hers or just yours? Of course your having an issue. Anal or not, someone other than you was touching your girlfriend. "Real" sex or not, does that really make a difference? You have an issue because you made a bad judgment ... (read in full...)
Sleeping with a first date
Q. I went on a date with an incredable guy and we had amazing chemistry, the only trouble is that chemistry also led to us sleeping together. He admitted it had been a while for him (as it had been for myself) and that he didn't think any less of me ...
A. 17 February 2009: It depends on the morality of the guy. Is it okay on a first date? It depends on what both of you are looking for in a relationship. Just sex, or something more. Your intent might be different than his. Sometimes it's the different intents that ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend cheated on me, should I take her back?
Q. Dear friends, I know this is long but please be patient and I thank you for whoever reads my problems and help me out. I am very confused. I have been with my girlfriend for 9 months now. ONE: recently, my girlfriend only just told me...
A. 17 February 2009: I want you to know I don't candy coat or beat around the bush. She cheated before, then does so on you. WHY? When you look at this, it's not about you, what you've done or not done. It's about what's going on with, or has happened to her.
One majo... (read in full...)
Country boy!
Q. I'm a 41 year old woman and I just made 5 years on my secound marriage with my husband. This is also his secound marriage. And I'm so confused and Guilty that I'm in love with another man. And I talk on the phone to other men that have been in my ...
A. 17 February 2009: It's easier to fix a marriage than it is to go out of the marriage and end up creating an additional issue.
As long as your married you should not be messing around. If you choose to, it's then your husband's right to decide if he should stay in ... (read in full...)
I was RAPED 4 years ago, how do I tell my boyfriend our son ISN'T his???
Q. I was raped four years ago, and my in these past few weeks thing are being revealed to me. I have seen this man again after all these years and my 4 year old son is his spitting image. I never told anyone I was raped except my sister. How do I tell ...
A. 16 February 2009: First, I feel for you being raped. That should never happen to anyone, and you're right, that act destroys people.
You seem to love your son, and his "father". Why is this secret killing you? Are you afraid of the result when you tell him? Alt... (read in full...)
I'm bedding my best friend's daughter. How do I get out of this?
Q. Today was the 6th morning I've woke up with my very good friend's daughter in my bed. It all started when she was shopping for a car. He, not being mechanically inclined, asked me to go with her and make sure she was not getting a piece of junk. I ...
A. 16 February 2009: What you posted about her and her mom, it's what I look at as being trained to fail. She's seeking approval in the wrong way. Defining herself by how others see her. If she's told she's not good enough over and over again, she begins living in that ... (read in full...)
I'm bedding my best friend's daughter. How do I get out of this?
Q. Today was the 6th morning I've woke up with my very good friend's daughter in my bed. It all started when she was shopping for a car. He, not being mechanically inclined, asked me to go with her and make sure she was not getting a piece of junk. I ...
A. 15 February 2009: This is not about dirty old man, horny young girl. I don't see any sign by what you'd said that you abnormally prey on young women.
Girls who cope, alcohol, drugs, behavior disorders, damage to self esteem, and SEX. These are words of the top of m... (read in full...)
Is there someone who would have an answer to my question on ovulation?
Q. I haven't had my period since December 19, and they put me on Depo on January 26. I have been having sex recently nd I am pretty sure I had a break out bleed on the 13th of Februrary. Now I will get to my question after you have a breakout bleed, ...
A. 15 February 2009: Be careful when you bleed. The shot is not guaranteed to always be effective. ... (read in full...)
I'm bedding my best friend's daughter. How do I get out of this?
Q. Today was the 6th morning I've woke up with my very good friend's daughter in my bed. It all started when she was shopping for a car. He, not being mechanically inclined, asked me to go with her and make sure she was not getting a piece of junk. I ...
A. 15 February 2009: This is not about having sex with a beautiful girl. It's about setting boundaries to keep a friendship. It may be just sex, but is that worth loosing this friendship?
My first impression reading this is "rebellion". How is her relation... (read in full...)
Valentines Day Opinionaire...
Q. Quick Question for Valentines Day... I have been taking a poll on peoples opinion on valentines day and I'd really appreciate any answers I can get. Is Valentines day to you a holiday to be embraced and celebrated, or is it strictly re...
A. 15 February 2009: Embraced and celebrated. It's personal choice to take part in consumerism. ... (read in full...)
Confused, don't know what to think or do!!!
Q. my boyfriend of 6 years and my sons dad finished our relationship yesterday, i thought it was him havin one of his moods but today he has told me its over for good, and even told his mam and dad and asked them if he can move back home. they said no ...
A. 15 February 2009: Breaking up can be really hard. You can't force someone to stay who wants to go. You can hope you're his number one choice, but sometimes people change and grow in a different direction.
You deserve happiness, and your son deserves to grow up ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has made me paranoid!
Q. Hey guys, I just need someone to read this and then tell me what they think, its getting me really down. I went over my boyfriends house on thursday, and he was doing something upstairs and i was sat on his computer, Me being a typical nos...
A. 14 February 2009: I would talk to him. Instead of being blaming his behavior, share how you feel about his behavior. This chat may be innocent, yet it's easy be a little flirty on a computer chat. It may, or may not mean anything, we don't know what was going through ... (read in full...)
Confused, don't know what to think or do!!!
Q. my boyfriend of 6 years and my sons dad finished our relationship yesterday, i thought it was him havin one of his moods but today he has told me its over for good, and even told his mam and dad and asked them if he can move back home. they said no ...
A. 14 February 2009: Reply with more background of your relationship. What is it usually like. Do you get into fights often, or discuss issues as they come up. How old is he, and how old is your child.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend looks at porn all the time- he even asks me to leave so he can look! Any advice?
Q. Hello. My boyfriend is a porn fanatic. He looks at it whenever he gets the chance, even with me around. He asks me to leave. We have sex regularly, at the very least once a day if not (usually) a lot more. I dont have a problem with him looking at ...
A. 14 February 2009: I agree with the other posters. He's an addict. Your in a relationship and deserve to have him respect your request. These behaviors can damage relationships. I think he needs help to overcome this, and he needs to focus more on you and building ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend looks at porn all the time- he even asks me to leave so he can look! Any advice?
Q. Hello. My boyfriend is a porn fanatic. He looks at it whenever he gets the chance, even with me around. He asks me to leave. We have sex regularly, at the very least once a day if not (usually) a lot more. I dont have a problem with him looking at ...
A. 12 February 2009: OK, you do mind, or you don't mind, which is it? I believe he's being completely inappropriate with his addiction. He may need help toning it down a bit. What's causing this? He's getting enough from you, so you're not depriving him. So why does he ... (read in full...)
If I do something wrong, all hell breaks loose. If he does something wrong, he thinks it's nothing. How can I make our relationship more fair?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 5 months now and i love him to death but lately he has been really aggressive. he has also been making the relationship 80/40 like if i do something wrong all hell brakes loose,but when he does ...
A. 12 February 2009: You can't change it, only he can, he's the one who's aggressive. My advice to you is to end this relationship. You don't need it and you're way to young to be exposed to relationship abuse. ... (read in full...)
I'm back with my ex-husband and my ex-boyfriend is contacting me!
Q. My ex boyfriend text me today and wanted me to come see him. There's a big long story behind all this but I'm not sure I should get into it now. Anyways, When we broke up, me and my ex husband of 15 years (and 2 daughters) got back together. We're ...
A. 11 February 2009: You need to be single and take care of yourself, and your children. Just by reading this shows you're sense of self is off balance. You're willing to accept less for yourself going one direction and less for yourself going the other. Build yourself ... (read in full...)
I was unfaithful but never had sex. My wife doesn't believe me, how can I get her back?
Q. Me and my Wife of 2 1/2 years just recently separated. I was unfaithful more than once and twice with the same female. No sex whatsoever was involved at anytime, but she doesn't believe me. I'm sure I wouldn't either if I were in her place. I also ...
A. 11 February 2009: What would you do? If you loved her that much, what and the hell were you doing? These behaviors symbolize the opposite of wanting to be with your wife, because you're entering into space married men don't go.
Understand emotional affection is the ... (read in full...)
Will my mother jump to conclusions if she finds a lighter in my purse?
Q. Do you think my mom will think anything of it if she finds a lighter in my purse? I don't smoke, I just have one for friends that do that forget their own sometimes....
A. 9 February 2009: As a father, I know I'd jump to conclusions. Because, as a teen, I didn't stock up and supply friends with items they may forget. ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, she's 18 and she wants to have sex on V-day
Q. Ok well im 15 and ive been with my girlfriend(age 18) for 3 1/2 months and i love her and she loves me. We trust each other with everything and have told eavh other things we havent said before to others. We have been having sexual talks alot lat...
A. 9 February 2009: Why are you dating an adult? What's wrong with girls your age? I'm not trying to be mean or judgmental because when I was a 15 year old, I would have jumped on a chance to have an 18 year old girlfriend.
There are laws around kids and adults havi... (read in full...)
I think I'm bi-polar...
Q. hey...is there a way to know you're bipolar without going to the doctor?. sometimes i think i'm bipolar because all of the sudden i start to cry and get angry at others for no reason..if you read this and your bipolar can you tell me some things ...
A. 9 February 2009: This could be or, due to your age, it could be pre-puberty emotional changes. Ask yourself this. Is you mom or dad bi-polar, or show the signs. Bi-polar is a biological disorder, so you get it from a parent at birth.
Remember also, at your age your... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't last long then gets all sleepy...
Q. When me and my boyfriend have sex, he can't last for longer than about 15-20 minutes before he comes. And then that's that. He apparently has such a long refractory period that having sex again isn't worth it and doesn't feel as good - until the ...
A. 9 February 2009: Satindesire is absolutely right. Keep 4play going longer to make you satisfied before he becomes satisfied.
It's called hyper focus. Those who last for hours are not thinking about you when they're doing it. They're thinking about work, or grand... (read in full...)
I do not want to just throw it all away for something he has pretended and lied to me about
Q. I have a huge problem. I met this wonderful guy on the internet in January of 2008. I was getting ready to move to Europe and he was from the UK. We were just friends and took time to get to know each other to see if things would work out that way ...
A. 9 February 2009: First let me tell you, sex = sex. It doesn't equal love and you can't base the possibility of a relationship working out because you had sex.
So he's being an ass to you because of your sexual past. Isn't a relationship like this based on not who ... (read in full...)
Update: She wants to see what else is out there after 5 years.
Q. Hey everyone, so here is an update on my situation. The girl that I've been with for almost 5 years wants to see what else is out there. It has been an amazing relationship. We are our first everything and it means a lot to me, and I used to think ...
A. 9 February 2009: This remains me of a saying. "Don't leave someone you love for someone you like, because someone you like will leave you for someone they love."
Wanting to see what's out there? A world of the unknown, where she knows the world with you. I can't ... (read in full...)
Does your b/f or g/f text or meet you everyday?
Q. I have been going out with my bf for three months now. he broke up with me once because he was "confused" in his life, but we are back together. My question is, does your bf/gf text or meet with you everyday or at least three times a week or ...
A. 8 February 2009: When I first read this, I'd have to imagine who is his other valentine? I'd be really wondering what might be going on you don't know about because 1. his being confused 2. lack of communication. ... (read in full...)
Anyone involved with a cop?
Q. Have any of you ever dated/loved/married a police officer? I've met one recently and I sense that we're developing strong feelings for each other. I am hoping we might start dating but all my friends seem to be warning me not to get involved with a ...
A. 7 February 2009: Maybe your friends have been in trouble before?
Cops aren't different from other people. Go with who you want to know, not what they do for a living. ... (read in full...)
Ex has shown up in my life again and its hard to deal with
Q. I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years, but just recently my first love(a guy that I liked for almost 6 years) came back into my life. He got a job at my work, so we see each other a lot. We were friends for a long time, I really liked him, and we ...
A. 5 February 2009: Priorities.
You said you love your boyfriend more than anything, and want to spend the rest of your life with him. If that's true, you wouldn't question your feelings because of this other guy.
True love leaves no room for doubt. If you're... (read in full...)
Why did he treat me so badly? And why do I still care?
Q. I cant seem to get over how my ex treated me.here are some of the things he would say! Im fat ive got a fat bum. I dress stale. He could dress me better.he felt sorry 4 me thats why he was with me. I had a sad life. If i was bloke he would smash my ...
A. 5 February 2009: One way to describe abnormal behaviors is behaviors you consume for a purpose other than maintaining your sense of self. I bring this up because of your comment, "I dont want him happy when i feel so down and lonely..." This thought process places ... (read in full...)
He says his hours have changed but I think he is cheating?
Q. i've been married to my husband now for 6 years and we have 4 wonderful children together. i love him very much and he hasnt done anything to imply that he doesnt love me anymore. he has worked at the same place for 5 years but recently hes said ...
A. 5 February 2009: I want you to look past just his employment. Has his behavior made subtle changes, such as a bit more seemingly disconnected, maybe spaces out a bit when you're trying to communicate like his mind is somewhere else. I want you to look at simple ... (read in full...)
She found someone better than me but I'm going downhill without her...
Q. Hii.. I am 29 year old, married and have 2 kids. when i got married i was only 18.. my husband was 37.. somehow we happened to live but i was not happy in that life. i always used to search for something like soul mate.. I don't like man mostly. I ...
A. 3 February 2009: Let's break this down a little bit. You don't like men, but you like women, and you're married to a man with two kids? What I'm wondering, is it his behavior, lack of intimacy, romance that you were not getting. Apparently at one time you liked him, ... (read in full...)
Can we get though this or am I kidding myself that he is sorry?
Q. Hi i wrote on this site a while ago after i found out about my husbands 3 affairs.Since then we have tried to work things out i accept some of the blame as to why he cheated but feel that he should of talked about the way he felt at the time.In my ...
A. 3 February 2009: First, he hit you and you said it's partially your fault. I would have to disagree. Even though you couldn't keep your mouth shut, it's still his choice to hit. That's can't be blamed on anything else but his making that choice.
I don't agree with... (read in full...)
I saw my ex gfs pic on a dating site and it really hurts
Q. Hello I am 25 my ex is 24. She broke up with me a month ago. I got a huge speach about how she does not have time, since she moved down and starting her life. I have not called her or contacted her in any way shape or form. I looked through a site ...
A. 2 February 2009: What's worse than a break up? Being lied to about why. Let me ask you this. If you're not looking for a date anytime soon, what brings you to the dating site? Apparently she feels as if you two were not the couple to be. It happens.
We have all ... (read in full...)
My dad physically abused us but I think my mum will still take him back
Q. Hi, I come from a screwed up family. My father used to physically abuse me and my older siblings and mum. A couple years ago, he was jailed for molesting 2 underage girls. My mum divorced him, and I thought we wouldn't ever see him again. Now he's...
A. 2 February 2009: What are his requirements with being around children. I know in the U.S. people jailed for molesting children are barred from having contact with kids between a certain age, and if they break their requirement, they can go back to jail.
Now, this... (read in full...)
My brother's GF will not let him go anywhere without her.
Q. My brother's gf will not let him go anywhere without her. When he is not with her he has to be on msn with her. She has put 18 pictures of the two of them in his room. She writes him letters that say she cant live without him and that he is the ...
A. 2 February 2009: You don't want to approach her. Doing so may be like a competition. That you don't need and if your brother is blind to what is going on, it's going to be difficult to get him to remain on your side if you do this.
Abnormal levels of atta... (read in full...)
Break the clingy habit?
Q. How can I stop being whiny and clingy? My boyfriend and I used to be like best friends. We had the same friends and did everything together. One of our male friends and I used to be really close. We would hug and and hang out all day, it was never ...
A. 31 January 2009: View your relationship as a choice and not an obligation. You choose to be with him, as he chooses to be with you. You can hand with and talk with who you want, and so can he. You trust the other person won't violate your relationship, but without ... (read in full...)
I feel so lost in life...
Q. I really need advice as I feel I cannot see straight. I am in my mid-20' but I feel so lost in life. I live at home with my loving, but strict parents. I can't really invite ppl over bc my family is so dysfunctional. But I can't stay out late or...
A. 31 January 2009: I want you to get a job. Not for moving out into a scary place, but so you have something that is yours and not part of being in such a restricted setting.
I want you to talk to your parents, but using non judgmental words. Such as "I know your... (read in full...)
My husband won't speak to me and does all he can to completely ignore and avoid me.
Q. My husband won't speak to me and does all he can to completely ignore and avoid me. He does come home from work every night but goes directly into the garage. Tonight he was carrying a bag, he placed it on the steps, picked it up, took it to the ...
A. 31 January 2009: Let me ask you this. If you had a dog locked in a cage, and dangled a steak in front of the cage, how long before he broke out. When looking at human behavior, the analogy is similar.
Your in a relationship where he broke your trust before so you ... (read in full...)
My husband won't speak to me and does all he can to completely ignore and avoid me.
Q. My husband won't speak to me and does all he can to completely ignore and avoid me. He does come home from work every night but goes directly into the garage. Tonight he was carrying a bag, he placed it on the steps, picked it up, took it to the ...
A. 31 January 2009: You both need a lot of help. Your marriage is built on control. One individual has to keep the upper hand over the other. This is not at all healthy. You said he screwed up in the past. How do you expect to have a good relationship if you continue ... (read in full...)
Help me to stop hating my dad
Q. It's gotten to the point that sometimes I wish he'd get terminally ill and just die. If he did, I'd finally feel free. I am so sick of him putting me down all the time, saying I am pathetic, worthless, he even said that he'd never want a daug...
A. 31 January 2009: Is your age stated correctly here? I'm wondering why you don't grab your cloths and get the hell out of there.
Your home seems as if there should be a warning sign "Enter at your own risk, may loose sanity." Let me guess. Dad works and pays the... (read in full...)
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