A
male
age
36-40,
*obing
writes:Hi,This z raj kapoor please litsen my problem this z very big for me, i know u r use to hear these stories but plz help........acctualy i m from india and there is in some places very orthodox peaple living and between them there z my girlfriend's family, they are very narrow minded.... now difficulty z that she z 23year old and in india this the age to do marriage,her family z poor so due to dowry sistem they compromising and they select a gay for her who is totely not deserving her not by face, habbit and even he is not doing job anywhere, so in this matter comman answr will be that that she can say no to her family, yes she did it thousand of time even she had tried to suside but they dont want to undrstnd it. she got everything in his life by there own effort, even she know that she can deserve and very good guy. she told to that guy that she want some time to do some study but he is procasting bcoz he know that after some time due to family pressure she will become his..now there z a condition that at that time when marriage come nearby she cant create a scene by herself otherwise she get insulted in her hole big family.. plz help me to get out from this sitution within this week they all will deside the date of marriage. my problem is that i cant do marriage with her in between 2-3 year time period or might be lifetime, so i cnt present my self anywere.......this z very imp. ques for one's life......plz tell me how i can do it all plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....Looking forward for your suggesion as soon as u can bcoz time is short........
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): Accompanying her to a counselor would be great. They could help the family and tell them what they are doing wrong and that they should break of ties with the guy they're marrying her off to.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Congratulations! you at last did the right thing like how every person in love has been doing in India.
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A
male
reader, robing +, writes (25 November 2008):
robing is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi to every member of DEARCUPID and THANX to all.I am very happy today,Bcoz the problem i discussed is solved now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2008): Big Sis.you are impossible.*laughs*.First of all I am seriously confused.I am not able to understand much.
rcn and Birdy you guys are very kind.out of it read this line
"my problem is that i cant do marriage with her in between 2-3 year time period or might be lifetime, so i cnt present my self anywere......."
If he can't marry her at least let the other guy have her.
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A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (1 November 2008):
 Robing,
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps this other guy's grammar is more to their liking, wouldn't you agree?
And what's with all the 'z's all over the place??
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 November 2008):
 Kudos to RCN's answer. I also understand, in your country, that a failed marriage is a terrible hardship on a woman, so I wouldn't think that a loving act is to foist a marriage doomed to fail on one's own family. My husband worked in your country for a year, and unfortunately, I never have had the privilege of coming to your country. If I were you, I would find a way to bring the truth out into the open, THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE. A marriage between two people has to be a marriage between two straight people, and Not a cover. The end result would rest squarely on Her shoulders and from what I understand, this would be a horrible hardship on your beloved. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If you truly love her, please try your best to bring this all out in the open. I am sorry, my dear.
XXX
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 October 2008):
 This is difficult because it crosses cultural boundaries. Is it still common for parents to choose the husband for the daughter? I know what your saying. I feel for you and for her. To be stuck with one man when the hear is for another.
The though of growing into loving someone doesn't work. Reason being, her heart is with you. If married to this guy, her heart will never be his because the love with you remains unresolved.
I remember helping a lady there, who's family is one of the royal families. She was forced into marriage, and even though she was hit by her husband all the time, when she got divorced her family still blamed her for not staying married.
I'm a parent of girls. My job is to raise them and protect them from physical and emotional harm. My job does not end at any certain age. I want them to be happy, which includes when they get married. Picking someone they don't love to marry would be like sentencing them to prison for life.
With this culture, I wouldn't know how to help further in getting her parents to realize it's wrong. She could tell them that with their love they would let her choose who to marry. Convince them marriage is of love and not the act.
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