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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Help me to stop hating my dad
Q. It's gotten to the point that sometimes I wish he'd get terminally ill and just die. If he did, I'd finally feel free. I am so sick of him putting me down all the time, saying I am pathetic, worthless, he even said that he'd never want a daug...
A. 31 January 2009: Is your age stated correctly here? I'm wondering why you don't grab your cloths and get the hell out of there.
Your home seems as if there should be a warning sign "Enter at your own risk, may loose sanity." Let me guess. Dad works and pays the... (read in full...)
My ex is playing mindgames with me!
Q. Hi, well me and my boyfriend have ended our 14 month relationship at the end of November last year. He emotionally ended with me while I was the one who actually said "I think we shouldnt be together any more" and he said "well if it makes you feel ...
A. 31 January 2009: He's narcasistic, stuck on himself, I believe you need to stop communicating with him. Or if you do, and he starts, tell him "this conversation is over" and hangup. This allows you to take back control of you, and how people treat you. You need him ... (read in full...)
How to make her forget how I acted and start afresh, confident and assertive.
Q. I need some advice. I have been dating a girl for three years. Half of the time we lived in the same city; the other half has been long distance. The distance has been getting to me. Despite the lack of evidence, I have been: (1) suspecting her ...
A. 31 January 2009: Let it resolve its self. Your right, that's confidence, but doesn't always produce the result your looking for. Let me ask you something. How would the words "I MISS YOU" make you any less of a man, or less confident. That's what you were trying to ... (read in full...)
Still love him but can't get over him cheating
Q. I have been with my partner for just over four years. A year into the relationship, he cheated on me. I found out a week later and kicked him out and he then spent four months in a relationship with this other woman. All the while he was texting and ...
A. 31 January 2009: What you're doing is what we call "mental masturbation". You keep replaying these images, so in fact you keep punishing yourself for giving him another chance, and punishing him for doing what you decided to forgive him for in the first place. Does ... (read in full...)
Please help! I don't know what is happening
Q. This is yet another annoying teacher-student-love question. But really, this is getting out of hand for me. I had this teacher in year 7 (Mr S I'll call him) and by the end of that year obviously I started 'fancying' him. I had him the next year as ...
A. 31 January 2009: For a girl your age to "crush" on a teacher is natural. This is because girls find attraction in the authority figures who are in positions of impacting their lives.
His keeping a distance is knowing anything other than a professional teac... (read in full...)
Did I have the right to be insecure in our relationship?
Q. I'm trying to gain some insight on things.. I wish my ex would come back but I have questions the situations that happened over the course of the 3 years I was with him. I wanted to reveal some aspects that made me feel insecure which led to a c...
A. 30 January 2009: Of course you had a right to be insecure. I wanted to show you that part of your insecurity was a reaction to his insecurity.
I have to ask. Does he have an ethnic back ground. I know in some cultures, men sit in the front seat and it's normal for ... (read in full...)
I think I like him in 'thataway' and I know he likes me. I'd love to take the change, but I'm literally terrified.
Q. I'm not really sure where to start.. It's been a long time since I've had to post anything on this site.. I was going out with a guy up until about 18 months ago. We broke up because he was controlling, critical, emotionally abusive, a habitual ...
A. 29 January 2009: You need therapy. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. So you being hurt by your ex, did you really think it would be okay to leave a line of destruction, and passing along that pain to other people? The "I'm hurt, so you ... (read in full...)
Help! valentines day... long distance girlfriend!
Q. I've got a girlfriend [please I don't need any lecturing about how having a gf is wrong because I'm a female too], that's not the problem. Well she lives in new york, while I live about 400 miles away from her. Since it's going to be valentines ...
A. 29 January 2009: If you have a credit card, most florist will take an over the phone order, some, I bet have a web site ordering system. If you know her address, you might be able to plug it into mapquest or another search site to see what your options are in her ... (read in full...)
Why have I never had a "normal" relationship?
Q. Why have I never had a "normal" relationship? In my life I have been involved seriously, with about 3 men - none of which I could class as having a serious normal relationship. The first guy I dated on and off for about 10 years but never let h...
A. 29 January 2009: Let me ask you this. Do you fear commitment? Better yet, the feelings you may feel if you allow yourself to be there as a whole, instead of keeping yourself at a safe emotional distance?
So your saying No sex for the first one = No love there, oh y... (read in full...)
Did I have the right to be insecure in our relationship?
Q. I'm trying to gain some insight on things.. I wish my ex would come back but I have questions the situations that happened over the course of the 3 years I was with him. I wanted to reveal some aspects that made me feel insecure which led to a c...
A. 29 January 2009: You're definitely insecure. But you're not the only one who was. Women, quite often, and not saying men don't from time to time, show their insecurity through their feelings, and actions, Men, on the other hand show their insecurity by withdrawing, ... (read in full...)
I just can't stop thinking about my ex....
Q. i had a breakup with my ex about four months back.i have moved on into a rebound relationship after that. my new gf really cares about me. i never had a very comforting relationship with my ex, but we shared some really wonderful time together. my ...
A. 29 January 2009: First, get forgetting her off your mind. It's not going to happen. The only way, which can be dangerous, is hypnosis and have everything about the person erased, without causing harm to other memories.
I just answered another one like this. What... (read in full...)
My husband looks at pics of really young girls, how can I stop him?
Q. my husband looks at pics of really young girls, what can i do to stop him? hi every one, for most people, I have a perfect relationship, and to some extent i believe it. me and my husband are in our 28-29s and been together for 3 years. he watche...
A. 29 January 2009: Life is too short. He does realize, pornographic pictures of young individuals is a Federal Crime.
I'm not going to justify his behavior, but I want you to look at this from a non pedophile direction, just for explanation. Why are many attr... (read in full...)
Questions about wedding etiquette...?
Q. Hello fellow agony aunts and uncles. I was wondering if you guys could answer me a small question? At a wedding, can it still be completely tradition and etiquette as if its a traditional church wedding - for example, is the bride still give...
A. 29 January 2009: The nice thing about weddings, anyway you want it, you can have it. This is your special day.
I don't know the U.K. rules, we now have Church rules in the U.S. where a wedding can't happen until the couple has gone through pre-marital counseli... (read in full...)
My husband and my friend... an item?
Q. My husband and I have been married for 11 year and were together for 14 years. Then about two and a half years ago I injured my back at work. It has been rough on our relationship that is for sure. We were making it though we supported each other ...
A. 29 January 2009: First, I want to apologize for the way I explain. Not meaning direct offense to you:
I just recently got a new car. I have to admit, I enjoy the car more than the one I had, but as time goes, that new feeling will wear off as well.
Looking a... (read in full...)
I think my relationship is ruined and I don't know how to fix it
Q. i have a question I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 35 we have one baby(4months boy) together and i have another child(4yrs boy) with another man ... i love him soo much but its like he stop caring loving for me .. i cheated on him with my ex about almost ...
A. 29 January 2009: First I want to you understand the psychological impact of cheating. The short version. Two people who claim to love each other, sex than takes the role of being the highest expression of that love. Cheating on the other is taking that expression of ... (read in full...)
How to deal with a breakup without "replacing" that person
Q. How do you get over someone who kinda started to mean a lot to you if you were in a relationship when you met them? Then, you decide to end it because you realize it's not healthy or sane to care for someone when you're already spoken for. But ...
A. 29 January 2009: Are you still spoken for? It's okay for care for other people when spoken for. It's not cheating. What is, crossing boundaries. How about not forgetting, but appreciating the opportunity you had to care for them. Trying to forget is something for ... (read in full...)
Jykle and Hyde caused by ADD/ADHD
Q. I need some opinions. I'm dating a man that has severe ADD/ADHD. He's a beautiful man inside and out. Here's the problem, he's going to be diagnosed next week with ADD/ADHD (How do we know he has it already?? we are both familiar with the signs as ...
A. 29 January 2009: Jager can vouch for this. It sounds like symptoms of Bi-Polar, with the up and down shift in behaviors. It's not saying he's not ADHD, and often people with ADHD have an attached behavior disorder such as Bi-Polar.
As far as the relationship issu... (read in full...)
Would you forgive me and take me back???
Q. I had been dating this guy for three years. He was wonderful to me and I really loved him. He found out that had been online messaging his sis bf.The messages were a bit suggestive but I was not in my right mind because I was under the influence. We ...
A. 17 January 2009: That's what I meant as well. Glad to hear you're talking and hope everything works out for you both. ... (read in full...)
Would you forgive me and take me back???
Q. I had been dating this guy for three years. He was wonderful to me and I really loved him. He found out that had been online messaging his sis bf.The messages were a bit suggestive but I was not in my right mind because I was under the influence. We ...
A. 13 January 2009: you may be both culpable, but it's your choice that cost you to loose him. You probably could rebuild the trust and overcome this. Since you violated the trust in the relationship, it's his decision if he chooses to take you back and work through ... (read in full...)
Would you forgive me and take me back???
Q. I had been dating this guy for three years. He was wonderful to me and I really loved him. He found out that had been online messaging his sis bf.The messages were a bit suggestive but I was not in my right mind because I was under the influence. We ...
A. 12 January 2009: Do you believe trust is important in a relationship? First you sent the emails, then you lied to him about doing so. This reinforced his being unable to trust you. If they meant nothing, you shouldn't have hidden it. You can say it meant nothing, ... (read in full...)
He left me to go back to his wife and kids! Any advice?
Q. i am a married woman involved with a married/seperated man for 8 months. he moved out of his wife/kids house after 2 months of us being involved. things moved very quickly and before i knew it he was telling me he loved me and wanted me to move in ...
A. 12 January 2009: The old saying, "when playing with fire, you're bound to get burned." This holds true to affairs. Both of you are committed to other people, therefore aren't available for an additional full commitment.
Don't have affairs. If you want to be with... (read in full...)
Baffled as he says he loves me...but he abuses me! I need help!
Q. i have been with my bf for 6 years now... i never belived in love at first sight till i met my bf now. i love him with all my heart we have 2 kds one is 3 and the other is 2. my bf says he loves me but he has anger issues he said its because his dad ...
A. 12 January 2009: I believe it's time for you to be safe. There are programs to assist you in getting on your feet. When you sent him to jail, you should have been set up with a victims advocate. They have the information to help you get work or training, housing, ... (read in full...)
What should I do about him now?
Q. We’ve been together for 3 months.. after 2 months he changed and started been all weird and not calling me much.. he use to call me every day..last time I saw him he got really angry and accused me of cheating on him... saying I am not giving h...
A. 11 January 2009: Move on. You don't need someone accusing you of doing something you're not doing. Reading between the lines, it's evident something is not right, and hasn't been since his behavior changed. Why do behaviors change in this way? GUILT Why is he ... (read in full...)
I am just so sick of being the lame girl...
Q. I'm feeling down about the way I am and the life I've lived so far, I'm 22 and attractive. I just wish I did things differently. I never had a big group of friends, I think people always thought I was strange b/c I lack social skills, I'm always ...
A. 11 January 2009: It doesn't sound like your lame. Your trying to hard to not be you. Your close friend you said don't judge, are you able to be more yourself around them? If so, wouldn't that be what attracts friends? Stop trying so hard. Finding friendships is not ... (read in full...)
If he still cares about me and plans to be with me again why is he fooling around with her?
Q. Me and my ex broke up around mid November. We really haven't communicated since the big break up. I text him and wished him a merry christmas. That is the extent of our conversation. Our pictures together are still up on his webpage and he still has ...
A. 11 January 2009: Because you're hanging around and waiting. Put up quotes about "choosing or your moving on." You don't need to be waiting around while he's out playing the field. Why should you be second choice to anyone? Pick yourself up, be strong, put mistletoe ... (read in full...)
Worries about applying for a course at University.
Q. I dropped out of university in October as I knew from day one the course was not for me. I'm going to be studying nursing in september. I can admit that i'm not so overly passionate about the course in general and I can't entirely see myself ...
A. 11 January 2009: Does your University have career counselors? If not, google "find the right career" It should come up with test that you can take, their not difficult, just about your personality and interests. It takes those and based on the information you enter ... (read in full...)
Choked during sex...was it wrong of him??
Q. I've been with my overly passionate, subtle and lovely boyfriend for some time now. He's not very spontanous, everything seems like a walk in the park... and almost routine. Last night we had sex. And he started choking me towards the end out of the ...
A. 11 January 2009: It is a form of assault, because you didn't choose it. For those who do, it's a sexual fetish. It's not recommended and for those who are crazy and are determined to do it, it should not be done, unless the person your with is HIGHLY trained. Your ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to keep it quiet now that we're so in love?
Q. I started seeing a guy a few months back and I thought he was lovely but it was nothing serious. At the time I was still really good mates with my ex and a few times he came round and it felt like we were still together, we ended up having sex and ...
A. 11 January 2009: Telling him is the only way to go. You do that so your relationships is built on honesty and not having a secret hidden where you, at times feel guilty for. Because as long as your carrying this secret, the guilt grows until it's confronted. ... (read in full...)
Anyone know the magic words to bring love back?
Q. Our 11th wedding anniversary is on 1-17-09. Now a 28 wife born on Sept 11 and 30 husband born Oct 7 and were married at 17 and 19 and no trouble might come.We have hit lots of bumps in the road but never big enough to separate. Recently he left ...
A. 11 January 2009: Fist, uncover the truth. (1) He left because he chose to. (2) He stays out without calling, because he chooses to. (3) You nag because you choose to.
Saying "I do ______ because he does ________" is wrong. You both choose how to act, and how to r... (read in full...)
She cheated and now I don't get horny anymore
Q. I am a lesbian and my girlfriend like to have sex but i dont get horny any more after she cheated on me a year ago i do love her and want to keep her what should i do ...
A. 11 January 2009: Deal with your feelings from when she cheated. Sex = what she did to you. It can change your view of not just sex with her, but with anyone. It can cause you to see sex as being "dirty" and not in a positive way. That's because of how opening up can ... (read in full...)
Am I making the right decision?
Q. I have a husband for over 9 years and he was a drinker before and I knew he smokes weed, I told him to stop doing it and he did but he smokes when I am not around. He drinks and he finds reasons for little things he is mad if we gotta go to the ...
A. 11 January 2009: You're suppose to pick a partner based on what you are looking for, not for who you can mold them into. He is who he is, and if he decides to change it has to be based on his desire to improve, than to do so for a relationship.
Why did you get ... (read in full...)
I previously wrote about my husband not telling me about his divorce. Now I don't trust him at all
Q. I previously wrote about my husband not telling me about his divorce. Now I dont trust him at all. I always feel like he his cheating on me. Is this just paranoia because he lied or is this my womans intuition....
A. 10 January 2009: There's a reason those feelings exist, and a majority of the time come true. There's a part of your brain that carries every experience, every visual and audio that you've heard or seen. In that, you've either experienced cheating, had someone who's ... (read in full...)
It's a matter of time before he does this again.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been a committed gay relationship for the last six years. We have been living toether for five years, and from time to time, his brother has live with us, you know on and off. Whenever his brother moves back in, I am ...
A. 10 January 2009: I'm glad its taking the direction it is. As far as the boy, or other victims, it's not your fault. The one who commits the act is the one responsible. You can't be blamed for that or blame yourself.
Look at this from a different angle. If I were... (read in full...)
My b/f can't say I love you
Q. Dear readers, I have a question but first let me clarify, I am happy and love my boyfriend. I have no intentions of leaving him. That said, here we go! My boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over a year and the only problem (in my head...
A. 7 January 2009: Be patient. Being ready progresses at different times for different people. You should wait and when he does say it, you'll know it's true, and not just saying it because that's what you want to hear. ... (read in full...)
Is my mom right to confront the ex wife?
Q. My Uncle is divorced and shares custody of his daughter with his ex-wife. His ex-wife was caught cheating on him multiple times as well as other things that I am not aware of. The ex-wife accused me of kissing my little cousin when I was thir...
A. 5 January 2009: Anyone can press charges, it's up to the District Attorney to determine whether to move forward with them or not. Lie detector tests are not admissible in court. If she continues with the threats, talk to an attorney to see if you have valid reason ... (read in full...)
Is my mom right to confront the ex wife?
Q. My Uncle is divorced and shares custody of his daughter with his ex-wife. His ex-wife was caught cheating on him multiple times as well as other things that I am not aware of. The ex-wife accused me of kissing my little cousin when I was thir...
A. 4 January 2009: The ex-wife definitely has something mentally wrong with her. If your mom confronts her, and it gets heated, the legal authorities could be involved.
If there is a real chance of her taking you to court, it's time to check out consultations with... (read in full...)
He said he'd never rape or hurt me! I believe him....
Q. Hello, Im a 15 year old girl and iv'e been going with with a 22yr old male on the internet for about 2yrs this year. We love eachother so much, I live in australia, he lives in canada. He's told his mum,sister,nieces and nephews about m...
A. 4 January 2009: Your trying to justify doing something you feel is wrong with something else that is wrong. If it's consensual, you can't make others believe he pushed you into it.
Having sex is your choice, and consequences that may follow are related to you choi... (read in full...)
Can men just be friends with girls?
Q. How do men honestly feel about attractive, good looking and even hot female friends? Many of my boyfriend's female friends are gorgeous. He has known them for several years and claims that he only has platonic relationships with them. Is it possible ...
A. 28 December 2008: I think it's possible. It depends on their intent. If he's been friends with them for years, wouldn't he already have obtained access down their pants if that was his intentions? If he was interested in dating one of them, would you be dating him ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 28 December 2008: Now, get the whole ending your life thing out of your head. Doing that means you give up, which means someone other than you wins. As you said, your mom and brother would pay a terrible price for that decision. No man is ever worth making that ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 26 December 2008: Here's a true story for you. A husband and wife were having difficult times. He asked a friend why it wasn't working out. His friend said, "treat her as you would fine china, instead of Tupperware." He did just that. A few years ago he passed away. ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 24 December 2008: You can't force him into counseling. His willingness to seek counseling will tell you how interested he is in making this marriage work. Some people want, but aren't willing to do what it takes to have.
You can make the suggestion, but if he's not ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 24 December 2008: "He might be a jerk, and he is definately controlling, but he is the only thing that's kept me rolling for the last few years..." Your justifying his behavior, and accepting it as "We are perfect for each other, he treats me like crap, and I let ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 23 December 2008: He's may not be working hard to keep you because of his love for you, it may be his dependence. You need to remember, many who are abusive, and have outburst do so as a means of control. This would also show why he's blaming you. There is not blame ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's being such a jerk and I can't deal with it!
Q. My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. We have had some rough patches in our relationship...it actually started when we had only been together for about 6 months. He started to get really possessive and jealous about stupid things. ...
A. 21 December 2008: He says it's him not you. That's fine, but what isn't is how this poor behavior affects you. I agree with the poster who said NPD could be a factor. He has an abnormal level of control issues.
No one deserves to go through abuse. The question is, ... (read in full...)
He said he'd never rape or hurt me! I believe him....
Q. Hello, Im a 15 year old girl and iv'e been going with with a 22yr old male on the internet for about 2yrs this year. We love eachother so much, I live in australia, he lives in canada. He's told his mum,sister,nieces and nephews about m...
A. 5 October 2008: One question for you, and I want you to spend time thinking about this. If there is trust in a relationship, why would he have to comment what he would not do? It's like saying, "stand in front of my car, I promise I won't run you over." Treat this ... (read in full...)
It's a matter of time before he does this again.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been a committed gay relationship for the last six years. We have been living toether for five years, and from time to time, his brother has live with us, you know on and off. Whenever his brother moves back in, I am ...
A. 12 November 2007: Here's what you need to do. First of all, realize you can't live like this. It's not fair, and no one, no matter male, female, sexual orientation, has to live in fear. You need to also realize the sadistic manner which this happened. Cutting his ... (read in full...)
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