A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need to make this quick because I'm not "allowed" to be on the internet right now. My husband is thirteen years my senior and we've known each other for two and a half years, been together that long, and married for two years. We have a one-year-old daughter. My problem is that my husband physically and emotionally abuses me all the time. When I was pregnant with our daughter, he pushed me down a flight of stairs and I ended up in the hospital almost losing our beautiful baby girl. I told everyone who asked it was just me and my clumsiness and the fact that I could not see where my feet were positioned on the stairs because I was nine months and one week pregnant at the time. When we were dating, though, he was the same way. Always hitting me and telling me I'm stupid and even discouraged my usage of my Associate's in Nursing to just stay home and watch our daughter. I thought he was just going through a phase because we were only together for a few months before we got married; I didn't have much time to really get to know him that well - stupid move on my part, I guess...My best friend, *Danny* has been a big part of my life since we were in seventh grade and ever since I started dating my husband, I haven't been "allowed" to talk to him! My husband is insanely jealous of the close relationship I have with *Danny* and because my husband is a military man/part-time Karate teacher, he has a lot of strength and agility and accused me of cheating on him when he was in Iraq last year - you can't even imagine what he did to me the day he accused me of that. I still get shivers! *Danny* knows only a small portion of this whole thing and I just need to get out! I thought my husband was better than this and I thought wrong! *Danny* loves my daughter and I let him take her for the weekends in secret when my husband is under a lot of stress. *Danny* cares a lot about me and my daughter and treats us as if we're HIS family. With respect, honor, pride, love, and care.I know my mom's starting to notice some changes in me and has started inquiring about it. I just don't know what to do and how to get out of this! I'm so scared for me, my daughter, *Danny*, and my family and friends! Please help! Thank you!
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best friend, jealous, military, move on, the internet Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): You need to get out! Pack stuff for you and your daughter and get out of there! stay at a family members that he doesn't know about so that he won't find you there... don't contact him untill it has all cooled down and even then only talk to hime with some big strong men accompaning you! *Danny* sounds like a really special guy and would make a really awesome father for your daughter... think about whats best for her... xoxo
A
female
reader, confusedgirl89 +, writes (25 October 2008):
You need to know that you are smart, and that you do not deserve this. i am taking a domestic violence class at a University and you need to know that you are not alone. You should call a domestic violence hotline here is the National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-SAFE (7233) I highly reccomend that if you ever plan on leaving do not stay at your moms or anywhere he would think to find you. This man is dangerous and it is not your fault in any way. His jealousy is a form of control. Only 10% of men are abusers. Please call the hotline before you think its too late!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 October 2008):
 So at the beginning he treated you like this. An abusive honeymoon period. That shows what you'd have to look forward too. You need to get out of there A.S.A.P. But do so being safe. I strongly suggest you contact a victims advocate. They have access to services which would be beneficial to use. Having a child makes the change even that more important to do immediately.
You married a wannabe. A real man would not treat you that way. You need help to do this. Don't take it all on yourself. Don't stay in this situation. You don't deserve to be treated this way. Your daughter doesn't deserve to be in a home where you are treated that way. Never accept less than what you deserve. Your too important to yourself and your child.
After you get away, and have access to a computer. Look up, "Establishing Personal Boundaries". You'll need to work on yourself, and rebuilding who you choose to be. This is important because the more you improve, the more you'll be able to pick out behaviors you know to stay away from.
Good luck to you, and take care. Give us an update when you get moved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Oh my goodness!Dear I am so sorry to hear your story.Get out of this abusive relationship at once.No guy treats his pregnant wife like a sadist or a psycho.Am sure USA has strict domestic violence laws.I understand sometimes women tend to get used to the abuse.They just want to continue with it.Its psychological.But its definitely not fair to your daughter.Get out of it.Stand on your own feet.Spend time on your own.But please please do not rush into another relationship however sad or lonely you are.Its not fair on the other person.you need time to heal yourself emotionally.you will come out much stronger if you can do this by yourself.Whatever happens do not give up.There's nothing wrong with you.you deserve happiness like everyone else.
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (24 October 2008):
honey there's only one thing you can do.....leave your husband and take your little girl. no woman deserves that!
don't be afraid and remember there are support groups and hostels for women who are escaping from an abusive relationship. please please leave him before it gets to the point where he could hurt your daughter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Go straight to the police. They will keep you safe. You have to think of your daughter. This man sounds horrid and evil and you deserve better. Life is too short to stick around and get treated like trash. Please. Just pack up a small bag of you and your daughters clothes and leave whenever you have the chance (if he is home). Go to the police.
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (24 October 2008):
Its probably not the answer you were looking for but the others are right, there is no reasoning with someone like that. Disappearing is the best solution for you.
Although there are some negatives to this and that's your daughter losing her dad, but unfortunately you are in the position where there is no solution where everybody wins. You have two bad options where someone loses out either way. If he is bad for your daughter too then everyone wins if you leave (except the bad guy, they never win).
P.S. find out what the police can do for you, you might have the opportunity to stay if they can help keep him away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): No doubt whatso ever get out of the sham of a relationship with this husband that tried to kill his baby and hurt you. NO EXCUSE the man pushed you down the stairs when you were pregnant, I did not even need to read the rest of your post get rid of him and never look back. Build a new life without him and get help.
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A
female
reader, for_a_reason +, writes (24 October 2008):
 You need to go to the police. The first sentence in your message just says it all. You need to run from this marriage for both your daughter's safety and your own. The police will protect you and help you get through this, don't be frightened to ask for their help.
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