A
female
age
41-50,
*yogal
writes:We have been married for 4 years now. And it seems me and my husband are drifting farther apart every year we are together. In the begining we fought all the time, Then we got along for a little while. Now there is no talking to each other about anything. We cant do things together with our 4 children. He wont touch me unless he wants to have intercourse. And that seems to be long enough to make him happy, who cares about me. I am almost 8 months pregnant. All he wants to do is work, not be around the family ask about the family. Or even be with me. I can not remember the last time he hugged me or even gave me a kiss. I dont know what to do. I have tried to talk to him about this but it just goes to an arguement and him saying that all i have to do is give to him and he will return the favor. I have tried that and the only favor i get is intercoarse with him. I just want to be loved like we used to. I am so confused on whether to think that he is falling out of love with me. Or he just dont care anymore about the family. I dont know what to do? Please any advise, I am willing to try anything at this time so i do not loose my husband... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): Dear Poster
I am so sorry that you are feeling unloved and neglected now during your pregnancy. Try and give that unborn baby lots of loving talks and rub your tummy telling that baby how much you love him/her as that unborn baby must sense love now already.
It is very sad that you are not getting enough affection from your husband; during pregnancy some women feel more emotional and more vulnerable then normally due to increased hormone levels. Now, you need more love and affection from him then ever. Maybe you should try and talk to him again, try one more time; talk to him in a nice calm and loving way; don't accuse him or blame him; No, that will upset him and put him on defense; talk to him nicely; tell him that sometimes you really need him to hold you and hug you without it leading to sex; you just need and want the comfort of his love and the warmth of his body; ask him to rub your tummy and to feel the baby kick.
I do suggest you both go for counseling; however, even if he does not agree to go with you; I suggest that you then do so, even if you go on your own; it will help you to deal with all the emotions and how to cope; if initially you are going on your own; you can always ask the counselor to invite him to attend a few sessions at a later stage.
COMMUNICATION is vital in a marriage and relationship; try to improve the communication levels between you and your husband. Don't complain or nag; try and approach him in a different manner or way.
Good luck and best wishes with the birth of your baby.
Keep us posted; we are here for you.
Lots of hugs and SMILES.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 October 2008):
 Your in a major rut. First there is not "all you have to do is". That shouldn't even be part of any conversation in your marriage. Stating that is a way of saying "you have to EARN my love."
This marriage started off rocky, then you got along for a while, then to where it is now. I don't see any part of your question where you said their was a time when you were really in love. Was there a period where you felt as if you were floating on air being with him?
Your marriage is off balance. This is created by both you and your husband. It would take both of you to bring it back to being in balance. When you bring it up to him again (not speaking about sex), find out what he really wants. If a marriage could be created just for you, what would it look like?
The reason to talk to him about something other than sex is even if you received your favor, there are much larger issues in marriage. The first step is for both of you to get real with what you want out of the marriage. Without knowing that, you can't repair or bring your marriage to a better level.
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A
male
reader, zelgamer +, writes (24 October 2008):
 I would recommend you talk to him about marriage counceling. Tell him straight up that you are not feeling loved but you love him, and it's tearing you apart. Tell him that there are obvious problems that he is ignoring.
Marriage counceling can be great and works, but of course he has to be willing to go with you. I hope I helped. :-)
Keep us updated.
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