A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for close to 2 years now. We've had our ups and downs like any relationship. All of my flaws that he disliked, I've worked on for him. I've become a better person. But it's not the same on his part.I've told him that it bothers me that I give him compliments and he never returns them. He still doesn't do it, or even attempt. I wrote him a letter for our 16 month anniversary, and he didn't even want to read it. Eventually he read it. When I asked him what he thought about it, he wouldn't respond.I am not needy. I'm afraid to tell him I love him because of the rejection. I haven't said it in months because the first time it was said by me, he didn't say it back. He's only said it twice first (one time in the beginning of the relationship and one time when he wanted me back after he broke up with me over some other issues not included here).I will always go out of my way to do something for him, but if he doesn't like a favor I ask him, he won't do it. He still hasn't met my friends, which have caused me to lose most of them. He won't meet them because he doesn't want to. Simple as that. I have gone to many places that I haven't wanted to (without complaining) for him. I've met people that I didn't want to for him. Never once did I mention how I didn't want to do these things.I stopped talking to him about these things and am trying to accept him for what he is, but it's hard.I know that everybody is able to change if they are willing, and that you can't change anyone. He has had a lot of family problems in the past, so I'm not sure if this is a factor. He does do nice things for me like buying gifts once in a while, but that isn't what matters to me. I am grateful though, and always appreciate it.Sometimes I feel as though he's only in the relationship for his own benefit, and doesn't really care about my feelings. I really don't know what to do anymore. The worst part of this whole thing is that sometimes he will act like the perfect boyfriend and ask me for my opinion and will look directly at me when I talk. This is rare, but it does happen. It's always spur of the moment, with nothing triggering it.Should I give up, or try and change up things a bit and keep hoping that he will eventually realize he isn't treating me right?Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): Thank you both very much for responding. I appreciate it, and I'm going to think about what you said. :)
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 October 2008):
 Sounds as if your with someone who may be a bit "self centered", possibly introverted, which explains his lack of emotional response. The problem, I believe with the small amount of information is, you've fixed flaws or poor habits, expecting him to do the same, where his issues may be greater than just working on himself to be a better person.
If your age is correct, you both must be fairly new to relationships. How has his past been? Could be personal past or experiences from his raising. He seems to have emotional blocks. There caused generally from being mistreated, where the mind blocks the ability to move past a certain emotional point to protect from the possibility of being hurt again. Feeling as if he's not good enough will cause this as well.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008): A relationship where you give and give without getting anything back, even when you ask is not healthy. You deserve to be treated a lot better by someone who would jump through hoops for you.You know this relationship isn't right from the thoughts you have posted. You can do a lot better.Good Luck!
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