| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello cupids. I am not sure where my boyfriend is coming from. I am afraid he is not as happy with me sexually as he once was. We have been together for close to 4 years. Our sex life has always been pretty amazing. I went ahead and booked a hotel room for his birthday for us to get away next week. it has a king bed and Jacuzzi. just as he likes. I was asking him the other day what he wanted for Christmas. he was saying his baby doll is enough. that's me. but we started to discuss the subject later and he said how about some sex toys that we can take with us to the hotel? I told him I do not need sex toys. that i just like being intimate with him. but they are fun. he mentioned some such things. I asked him if he is bored with me? he said no. it is just fun and it enhances the relationship with toys. he told me not to read into it. said that he wants to make sure he always pleases me sexually. that I keep climaxing for him. he said it is important to him. that he always outdoes himself to please me. I told him I am happy with him and he does not need to jump thru hoops to please me. he said it is just who he is. he needs to wow me in the bedroom. I am not certain where this all is coming from? we have used toys in our relationship. in the beginning too. so it was not because of boredom in the beginning but now that we are so many years together, i worry that its because he is bored not because it is fun. it was my bday yesterday and we had a good day together. does he think I am bored of him now? is he worried? or is he bored of me? have I dropped the ball? he said no. I am not sure what to make of this conversation? i fear he is the one getting bored. he has never mentioned this before. he was pretty confident he was pleasing me before. why is he worried now? can anyone give me some perspective on this?
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christmas, sex life, sex toy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Darshan  +, writes (28 July 2017):
 Here the question involve is interpreting sex.sex can be interpreted as fun, that means sex a means to achieve some end, and we designated that end as achieving fun. The logic of interpretation will work without pity and without human concerned. As sex is interpreted as fun, and where one act as a entertainer, and other being entertaining......boring is logical outcome.What is point ? The interpretation of sex is not real, it is wrong. See, for animal sex is just park, but result is natural, female animal became mother without knowing motherhood, and no complaint about sex. All natural and logical. Our natural end is civilized. For us sex must be medium of intimacy and love, not fun then logic of interpretation will work accordingly....There will never be boredom. Life will be full of love and intimacy, and what is logic ? how sex is interpreted? and Interpretation must be consistence with its reality. Have anyone point of order ? please write here and let me know.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 He probably wants to spice things up, he is telling you not to worry and I really think you should listen to him. You are over thinking this and worrying yourself over nothing. Enjoy his suggestions.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 December 2016):
 I don't think he feels the sex with you is boring at all. But he might want to toss in a few toys to spice things up for you both, a little variety can be fun.
It's like eating white rice for years, white rice is nice. Try and add a dab of coconut oil and a dash or curry, pepper or cayenne - it's STILL white rice but with a little twist.
Get online and SHOP for something (toys) together. It might also be a fun experience looking to see what out there and deciding what might be fun to try.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (3 December 2016):
You are really overthinking this. It was only a suggestion. Like he said, he wants to please you and perhaps thought this might be a way to spice things up. IT wasn’t a criticism or a confession that he’s not content with your sex life as it is now. You’ve taken this far too personally. A toy is just a lump of material unless it is used by a couple with good chemistry. If you want to try using them again, get on with it; if not, let it be. He’s happy to not use toys, so leave it there.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 December 2016):
 I think you are reading a whole encyclopedia in what seems a pretty innocuous straightforward statement from your boyfriend.
You have used sex toys before,not out of boredom, and seen that occasionally they are a fun complement to your amazing sex- and he suggested to bring along , for once , some sex toys... as a fun complement to your amazing sex.
If you offered to cook him a delicious dinner and he said " Great, and I'll bring a cake for dessert "- it would not mean that he does not appreciate your cooking skills and the excellent meal he is being served, just that ,if he can make it even more memorable, -why not ?...
By the same token, you should be worried about the Jacuzzi ! Because maybe it means that ,without a Jacuzzi, sex is stale and boring ?... Of course not. He just likes Jacuzzis. And , every now and then, he likes to try, or try again, as it is for the sex toys , a change of pace in the bedroom.
I don't even think that he is worried about not pleasing you anymore or not being enough from you. He simply said what he felt- that he loves making you happy sexually and your gratification is important to him.
Has anything else happened in your relationship, outside of the sexual sphere, to make you feel insecure, or a bit disconnected ?
Or are you a pessimist by nature , one that deep down believes that if things are going well , they'll HAVE to take a bad turn at some point ?
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