A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.My partner and I have been together for just over two years (2 and a half years in March 2017)..My partner and I are both only children. I'm 23, partner is 22.My partner is fully into camping, 4wding. He goes with just me, or we go with his friends.I do like camping and 4wding but I do prefer a weekend in or a weekend with a girl friend.my issue: Within these two years my partner has only met my girl friend (best friend) once and has barely spoken to her during that meeting. My partner's mate has a girlfriend whom he says I should try to get along with...she's nice and all and I've tried getting into conversation but she's not my type of person I would normally hang out with and we don't really have things in common...(she's into the 4wd and camping stuff, has no license, no motivation to get it, works casual) my friend has a job and her license.When it comes to talking about seeing my friend, my partner says "Well you need to organise something with her and I'll come" or "she can come camping" I get annoyed because she's not really a camping person and I think my partner should be saying "what is your friend doing today, invite her over and we can go to the movies or do something"but...when it comes to his friend and his friends girlfriend we always go to the movies etc with them...As I've noticed this during my relationship, I now tend to try and avoid going camping when I know the girlfriend will be there and I tend to see my friend instead.I just wish my partner had other hobbies and liked other things instead of camping and 4wding...(my friend is like me - likes nights in and nights out, likes shopping etc)my partner wants to go camping for new years with me, his friend and his friends girl friend...but for the first time ever I don't care if I see my girl friend instead and don't go camping with them at all...Yes I know I'm sounding selfish but I don't know what to do anymore :/
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2017):
 How did New Years go? Are you sure this is the relationship for you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2016): Yeah, I dated a man who always wanted me to hang out with him and his friends and play video games but if I asked him to meet my friends or hang out with them he would get grumpy. When he was grumpy he would shut down and not talk for hours, and mope for days. He is now an ex.
You need a man who will do the same thing for you, if he wants you to hang out and meet his friends then he needs to do the same.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (28 December 2016):
 I understand from your latest follow up that he is not an equal financial or housework partner, but that is not the part that bothers you. The emotional need you are most missing is recreational companionship. Not because you don't do things together, but because you accompany him recreationally, but he does not accompany you and you want him too.
At this point I would suggest that you invest a few hours in some self help reading. His needs, Her needs is a good book that can give you some guidance. you need to resist the temptation to make the missing need your top priority need and honestly determine what you need most, and at the same time what he needs.
You will gain some appreciation for what he does do for you. You will find some other things you can do together.
My wife and I have made great strides in recreational companionship over the past few years. We have been together more than 10 times as long as you, but the problem turned out that we just weren't communicating enough about recreation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2016): All his life is...is working, four wheel driving, doing up a car and camping....
where as I like all that but I'm into other stuff to, like movies and shopping etc...
helping out? I cook...he doesn't do the dishes until the night after, where as I do the dishes as soon as possible. He currently owes me money, a couple of thousand because I helped him buy a car...and he's started paying me back slowly...I do his washing, clean the inside of the house...etc
we both contribute the same amount to rent.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 December 2016):
Thanks for the follow up. You did well to stand your ground on this one. I am still worried about your imbalanced relationship. You have invested too much in a relationship where there is not enough shared interest. I'm worried about his financial contribution. Is he carrying his share?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2016): OK... if he DOES go to movies, then instead of waiting for him to invite HER, YOU say, "oh, movies with Ada and Naman? Sounds good, let's invite Eve too. You keep suggesting I organize something." See what he does then.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2016): I've told my boyfriend I'm not going camping this coming weekend which is New Years, as I'd rather spend it with my friend. (These last two New Years we have spent with his friends) and he's not entirely happy with it as he wants me to go camping...My friend is currently kind of single..she and her boyfriend still catch up on a casual basis and still love each other.With my relationship, I have done so much for him, like going halfs in camping gear, helping him buy cars etc. and we have been living together since 3 months into our relationship with his mum, but have been living just the two of us for three months. It just annoys me that we go camping or we go to the movies and all this with his friends but he doesn't even suggest inviting my friend out, or seeing what she is up to so that we can all hang out. And he wonders why I get grumpy and am unhappy when he says we are going camping with (name and name)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2016): With so much loyalty to your friend and so little to your boyfriend I think you might be ignoring the obvious and that is that your boyfriend and your friend sound highly similar and it is possible your boyfriend is trying to avoid being drawn into an attraction with your friend by avoiding inviting her on camping trips.If you want to become further entangled in a potential love triangle then hit the town with your girlfriend and avoid your boyfriend.Or go on the dreary trip with the boyfriend and enjoy it for what it is while figuring out what you really want from him and what you are prepared to put in and take out of the relationship.Make plenty of new plans and figure out if you could stand a lifetime of camping with kids.If hes not really your type just try to be brave enough to end it and widen your circle of friends.A good girlfriend can be a blessing but not all of these friendships last long enough to stand the test of time.Same with boyfriends, especially when young and undecided.Do whatever makes you happy but put yourself first as you are largely responsible to yourself only.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 December 2016):
 Alas, it is a matter of compatibility.Sure, your bf is not exactly tripping over himself in the attempt to socialize with your friends- he follows the very normal human instinct to make things as easy , pleasant and convenient for himself as long as he can get away with it. Then again, what he does is quite similar to what you do,isn't it ? You have been encouraged to socialize with the camping girl, and , although you recognize that she is a nice girl and there's nothing wrong with her, nonetheless you tend to give her a wide berth because you do not have much in common and you do not find her interesting or entertaining. Much probably, the same will apply to him toward your friend(s) who prefer a shoe shopping trip to camping into the wild.
This does not necessarily have to be a reason for breaking up if your relationship, all in all, is good and makes you happy. You just have to give up the idea of being able to spend all your free time together and to do everything social/ recreational together. Since you ALSO like camping and 4wding, and joining these adventures it is for you far from the absolute nighmare that it could be for other people, like, erm, yours truly ( I'd be more likely to join a Satanist black mass than one of your bf's weekend trips !, LOL )...keep going with him and his friends half of the times, or two out of three times, or whatever ratio works for you guys... and spend the rest of the time doing what YOU prefer with the people YOU prefer. Why not? Loving does not mean being joined at the hip- you can still be a couple while leaving time and space for each one's preferred activities and friends.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (26 December 2016):
 Your boyfriend is either selfishly lazy or simply doesn't understand there are two people in relationships, two people with opinions, interests and friends of their own which need to be taken into account by each partner.
It appears your boyfriend is simply not interested in doing anything with you that doesn't involve his own immediate wants .... to the point he is encouraging you to make friends within his circle, rather than maintain those friendships you currently have outside it.
This relationship is starting to stall .... your boyfriends failure to consider you, and your needs (or wants) is finally starting to take its toll.
I really don't think there is an answer, you could try talking to him about his apparent lack of interest in you as an individual, and that he is so self absorbed he fails to see that you, his girlfriend, has friendships you want to keep.
Spend some time seriously considering if this really is the right relationship with you, or if there might be somebody else more compatible.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 December 2016):
Nice Freudian slip in your title.
I would say that you are not ready for the level of commitment your Guy is interested in. And While you find him exciting, you really aren't compatible with him.
Your relationship is forced and uncomfortable. You should consider breaking up and after a few months, finding someone who meets your needs better.
By the way, what is your Best Friend's relationship status?
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