A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husbands company decided not to have a Xmas party this year. Which we were both very happy about. Then today they decided 6 days from now it would be a good idea to have a small party with just the office people. I simply asked my husband if we could decline and he said lets talk about it later. So later comes and he just says his boss changed his mind. Now these parties are always the same a bunch of drinking and acting like idiots I never drink because someone in this relationship has to be the responsible driver. I simply mentioned to my husband that it would be nice to have a party where we have dinner and adult conversation and not get trashed he started calling me a nerd and telling me I had a negative attitute and he was being really mean and nasty. Then because I didn't want to attend this last minute party I am controlling and everything has to be my way. I Left the room at this point because I was tired of being called names? Am I out of line with what I said? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 December 2016):
 You no what don't go with him, let him go enjoy himself alone. I would hate to miss my Christmas night out so let him go by himself and enjoy himself.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 December 2016):
 Your husband's company needs to make up its mind!
You don't have to go with him if you don't want to! My husband does stuff I'm not interested in and vice versa. It's not like a family get-together where custom dictates that everyone shows up.
He overreacted when you criticized him, his co-workers, and his business. It's obvious that their getting trashes doesn't build any respect in your eyes. I don't blame you! My trashed days were left behind in college.
Also, being a nerd is a great thing! I'd accept it well. If trashed parties aren't your thing, that's good! Both of you should find things you both like and spend time together.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 December 2016):
 You're not out of line in not wanting to go, but you did talk negatively of a party and his co-workers, and he probably felt like you cornered him and then became defensive. When people get cornered this is often how they behave.
Next time, just say you would prefer not to go, without saying anything about people getting trashed. He took offense and got upset, which is fine. We can't always prevent people from getting upset, it's allowed. Just let him cool down, and then simply don't go to the party. Let him take a cab ride home.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 December 2016):
 Well, I suppose there could be more diplomatic ways to convey the concept that you do not care for this party. Indirectly, you called him an idiot, like his idiot drinking friends whom he is eager to join, and an irresponsible, since you made clear the only reason you joined this kind of parties where you don't have fun, is because HE is not responsible enough to get himself home safely.
That must have rankled.
Of course, though, that does not justify him becoming mean and nasty , and calling you names !
I am a bit perplexed- much ado about nothing; could you not just simply agree to disagree about what constitutes a " good " Xmas party ? Could he not attend the party by himself, if necessary justifying your absence, if asked, with a little white lie , a cold or something ? ( sometimes white lies are necessary, he could not tell his boss or colleagues " my wife did not come because she hates how you idiots get thrashed " ).I get that you always were his designated driver, but surely he can make arrangements with other people, or, quite simply, get home in a cab ?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 December 2016):
 I think he is being overdramatic, but I also think you make the presumption that your husband actually has a say in what kind of party his company throws, obviously he doesn't.
And there is ALWAYS the choice to not go.
I wouldn't take being called a nerd as a "being called names" but I do think your husband is annoyed that you think it's up to you how that company should do things. However, there was no need for him being so pissy.
My husband doesn't do the Christmas party at his part time job because it's for "Adults only" (let's face it, adults behaving badly) and neither he nor me have any inclination for that or for leaving the kids at home alone (our oldest is old enough to watch them). There are a few of his co-workers he likes but the rest? and then add alcohol? No thanks.
If your husband wants to go set up a time to pick him up (or have him take a cab/taxi/uber) home, you don't HAVE to go.
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