A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy 4 years ago through a walking group. We were both interested in each other but for some reason we never got together. I told him I liked him and he had some sort of anxiety attack and panicked in front of me saying he wasn't interested anymore. I have seen him on and off in the group over the years. Last year we randomly got matched on eHarmony so I sent him a message which he sent a generic 'wants to get to know you' reply. I shut the match down a week later as I thought he could not be bothered to write back. 14 months later I saw him last night at a Christmas party, we spoke for an hour and he seemed very interested. He came back from the toilet and saw me talking to my friend's boyfriend and assumed I was being chatted up so he said he was going and said bye. My friends told me to text him that evening saying it was lovely to see him and to meet over Xmas if he is free and to have a nice Christmas. I thought it seemed a bit desperate but did it, he didn't reply. I know he is busy today but know he read the message as he has been on What's app. Did I do the right thing to message him? I feel very anxious and am fed up of not knowing where I stand with him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 January 2017):
 If he suffers from anxiety then letting someone new in might be difficult for him. However there does not seem to be much interest from his side, therefore I would move on and accept nothing is going to happen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2016): Honestly there are some guys who go through life giving mixed signals and panicking when something could become real. Then if you do manage to snag them they act the same way in the relationship, always unsure. Cheating, or leaving you for someone else, then leaving the next one anyway cuz they don't wanna be close. Don't get involved.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (25 December 2016):
 You definitely know where you stand. He's had plenty of opportunities to advance things with you and he hasn't because he doesn't want to.
This guy is a dead end.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 December 2016):
 But you KNOW where you stand : in the position of someone he is not interested in.
You threw him quite a few " baits " already, he never bit. He had 4 years to take some sort of initiative, he never did.
This looks sort of self explanatory.
That occasionally, in social situations, he may have longish, pleasant conversations with you- why not. Maybe he likes you as a person, as a friend , and as a fellow walker. But he is not into you romantically, and he both said it and showed it.
Ler him be, and : upwards and onwards ! There's a whole brand new year just around the corner and, if you learn to not get stuck on losing propositions, it can be full of new wonderful occasions !
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 December 2016):
 I doubt you will hear back from this guy. Your text will have probably given him another panic attack.
I think you WERE right to send the text (you never know if you don't ask) but there are only so many chances you can given someone before you work out you are flogging a dead horse.
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A
male
reader, Whatwomanwant35 +, writes (25 December 2016):
For starters, there is too much information missing in order to definitively say that this guy is totally just ignoring you and that you are wasting your time. There is also no evidence to support the fact that there is nothing to base a relationship off with a guy like this as stated in an previous comment. And if he does text you back, there is no reason to put this guy in a "time Wasters" basket as commented earlier either. As for your question, there are not enough details within your timeline to genuinely support or give any input at all about this person or your "standing" with this person. For all I know, he could very much think the world of you but falls on his face when confronted such emotions which could be a defense mechanism based off prior relationships or by you saying you "liked Him" could have influenced a type of social anxiety disorder or re-cultivated one of his past experiences which caused him to push instead of pull.This may be a temporary defense mechanism that keeps him comfortable long enough to really gather his emotional feelings for you so that he feels he can triumphantly display them to you in a way that is comfortable to him as the opposite sex. Lets be honest, woman in general can be confusing to us men and unfortunately a lot of men do in fact have some sort of anxiety when dealing in interactions with the opposite sex. By no fault of women themselves, it is society such as the ones behind some of these comments that can cause a man or woman for that matter to display signs of social anxiety etc. I am not by any means giving this guy an easy out for not engaging in meaningful conversation that displays interest and or compassion towards you as a woman because I feel that if he is in the same age demographic as yourself, then he should already well be on his way in coping with such possible anxiety issues. Keep in mind that even if he does possess such a problem, this does not make him a bad guy or waste of your time, but I will definitively say that we/us as readers and agony aunts need quite a bit more detailed information within your timeline you have stated in order to give you an educated and Helpful answer as to where you stand, what you should do and/or what you should expect. Such information would include answers to the following questions: -How many times did you two talk to one another during the 4 year stint in the walking group?-What were your discussions like? Were they your typical brief: "Hey Kate how are you...Oh Hey Jeff, I am doing well thank you" ? Or were they meaningful conversations with displays of interest?-How did he initially display that he was interested in you in the beginning? As you stated you were "Both interested in each other"-Did you two ever go on dates or do anything together outside of the walking group? Another thing that strikes me as flawed is that when you say you two matched on eharmony, isn't there an option within that site where you as a user can generate an auto reply response anytime you receive a match? I guess, I am just trying to open your mind to the fact that it is easy to inadvertently assume negatives when there in fact is nothing negative going on. I am not suggesting mind you. In all, I would strongly be opposed to quickly state that he does not express any kind of interest in you whatsoever or be able to firmly and truthfully express to you that you are wasting your time by texting him and that you should explore other options out there. I feel that there is something about this person which intrigues you enough to continue seeking him out unless you are experiencing some type of socially driven anxiety like loneliness or having an undeniable sense of needing to be wanted from the opposite sex which is a much more dominant feeling right now during this holiday season/ and time of year which is causing you to irrationally seek and pursue what in your mind is to be an "easy target" (this guy) or the quickest way to satisfying such needs or wants. Keep in mind that this is not my determination as to what your needs or want are, as it is just a way of opening ones eyes and mind to all possibilities in relation to the your stated question and the feelings you are experiencing in relation to your question. So if this man does intrigue you, lets start with the missing information that will help determine whether or not he is interested in you and then if it is determined that he is, we can move forward on how to deal with someone who is experiencing this type of social anxiety with the opposite sex. Happy Holidays to you and please do not feel unwanted by this person as there are so many other pleasures in life and so many other people and ways they can show their appreciation that will exceed far more of your desired wants than you could ever imagine.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 December 2016):
 I'd let this guy go. If a guy gets a PANIC attack when you tell him you are interested.... there really isn't anything to base a relationship off.
I definitely agree with Auntie BimBim... he is a WASTE of your time IF you are looking for more than friendship.
You have pursued him on SEVERAL occasions and he didn't jump in with both feet, which means? He isn't interested in you in "THAT" way.
Having a nice chat doesn't mean he is interested. And practically RUNNING out of the place when he sees you with another guy, it's so over the top.
Stop chasing him IF he was interested? Then I think he would have put in SOME effort to staying in contact or even asking you out.
Why not look for a guy who WANTS to be with you?
Chin up and & merry Christmas!
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (25 December 2016):
 Sounds all a bit too hard. personally I'd let it be. Assumed you were being chatted up, if he were keen instead of taking that as defeat could have stood up a bit then and there. Cast your mind back to his initial anxiety attack over a simple statement. may not be a total red flag but definitely a dark shade of pink.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 December 2016):
 From what you have written it doesn't seem as though there is much interest on his part. If he doesn't respond to your text put him in the "time wasters" basket and look elsewhere .... so far you have made three overtures with no positive response.
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