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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is my ex a manipulator?
Q. Hi All, I would like some advice on a person I stopped seeing recently and whether she sounds like a manipulator or I am thinking too much into things. We split up after about 18 months and we went no contact, I was doing fine and then she deci...
A. 19 May 2017: I don't know, OP. I don't know her. Maybe she is- or maybe not. Maybe just egocentric.
Narcissism is the pursuit of gratication out of vanity ot egotistic admiration of one's own abilities.
Egocentrism is an inability to understand or to assum... (read in full...)
I'm worried how rude the nurses will be
Q. Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...
A. 18 May 2017: Hold your horses, OP ! I am not judging or questioning anybody for having to undergo surgery or for not having tons of friends or not having a " perfect life ". Nobody has a perfect life, and, just to assure you that I am not spouting nonsense, ... (read in full...)
I'm worried how rude the nurses will be
Q. Im going into hospital tomorrow for a minor procedure and the nurses are known to be nasty, what can i do? Am staying overnight and on the ward im going to overnight on the nurses are well known to be sarcastic and cold... I have spoken to s...
A. 17 May 2017: I am perplexed, I don't quite understand what you mean.
A hospital is not a hotel, you do not get to pick and choose how long you want to stay. Least of all, in an NHS system !
If your procedure is routinely carried out in day hospital... (read in full...)
Even though I work with kids I can't get close to these ones
Q. I have 2 "nephews"..they're not really, they're my fiancé's but when we get married they technically will be, but I have absolutely no bond or relationship with them. It's not that I don't want to have either. I care about them as much as I would my ...
A. 17 May 2017: But even aunts/ uncles through blood aren't necessarily much fussed about by nieces and nephews ! It depends, from so many variables. Some times there's a strong bond, some times not so much. It's not that the title of " Aunt " ( which anyway it's ... (read in full...)
Is my ex a manipulator?
Q. Hi All, I would like some advice on a person I stopped seeing recently and whether she sounds like a manipulator or I am thinking too much into things. We split up after about 18 months and we went no contact, I was doing fine and then she deci...
A. 16 May 2017: Yes, your explanation is a possibility. " Dog in the manger syndrome " is very frequent. They don't want you- but when they see you don't want THEM, and / or you start wanting someone else... then they want you again.
But personally, and cons... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my son moving in with a girl after only 4 months
Q. My son is 22 and even though he is an adult I still worry about him. Over the weekend we got to met his new girlfriend, she is a sweet girl and someone I'm actually glad he is dating (his past few girl friends weren't my favorite) BUT I worry that ...
A. 16 May 2017: I think that your worries are very legitimate. In fact, I think it borders with insane wanting to build up an instant family at such a young age and after only 4 months of dating. The girl may be super nice, no doubt , but if she is willing to toy ... (read in full...)
On/off holiday friendship
Q. I met this guy on holiday. We got along really well and I thought he was, well, perfect. Then he had to move away and stuff cause his holiday ended. We exchanged phone numbers and we were texting for a while. After a couple of weeks of texting he ...
A. 16 May 2017: Good for you, OP- you are quick on the uptake , and this will help you a lot, in love and in life .
I'd like to add something , to make myself clear :
while personally I was never keen on cybersex, or phone sex, or any other " fake " sex; ( a... (read in full...)
Worried that I'm not big enough
Q. My girlfriend told me that she is feeling my inside but only a little and she is probably sure that she cant cum from this. I can make her cum few time in 2-4 minutes with my fingers but she can't feel my penis right. I'm average guy. Lenght above...
A. 15 May 2017: No, you are not a little thin.
Average penis girth as resulting from a study carried on by King's College ( London ) foundation on a sample of 15.200 participants ( .. so, a relevant sample ) is 4,58 inches. You are slightly above aver... (read in full...)
Even though I work with kids I can't get close to these ones
Q. I have 2 "nephews"..they're not really, they're my fiancé's but when we get married they technically will be, but I have absolutely no bond or relationship with them. It's not that I don't want to have either. I care about them as much as I would my ...
A. 15 May 2017: I am even colder than Honeypie ;) because I do not want to interact or engage with any kid, period. I had my fill having tons of kids over for zillions of playdates and sleepovers when my son was a child - and even then, I made sure that ... (read in full...)
Hypothetically speaking should I help my brother cheat on an exam?
Q. Hi everyone.. I have more a family kind of question.. So basically recently I had an exam which my friend accidentally missed and she asked me what was in the paper.. and I know in the resit paper, they give the same thing in one of the section w...
A. 15 May 2017: Ok, I'll stick my neck out and I will admit that, while not disapproving or criticizing your strict ethic code, I am totally with your parents on this.
There are areas in which some flexibility is tolerable or at least understandable, I'd say.... (read in full...)
I don't trust him as he's still active on the dating site, but I really don't want to end the relationship!
Q. We met online dating site. Agreed to close accounts once established relationship. He agrees exclusively, yet is still active on dating site! He denies any chatting or meetingsd x but refuses to close the account. . I was with him when he recieved a ...
A. 15 May 2017: No, he hasn't answered. He cannot. Because, at the end of the day, whether he actually met these women or not, or sent them explicit offers or not, etc.etc.- it boils down to the simple fact that he WAS on a dating site, while supposedly being ... (read in full...)
On/off holiday friendship
Q. I met this guy on holiday. We got along really well and I thought he was, well, perfect. Then he had to move away and stuff cause his holiday ended. We exchanged phone numbers and we were texting for a while. After a couple of weeks of texting he ...
A. 15 May 2017: OP ! You should not just " also " note, as a footnote or an afterthought, that he asked if you could exchange nude pics. That's the whole point of the matter, and the reason why he got in touch again. Pardon the brutality, but he does not ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to bring myself to meet him! My teeth and anxiety may be part of what's holding me back!
Q. I matched with this guy on a dating site and we soon got talking. It was a really slow process to start with and I didn't feel much towards him (well as much as you can without meeting them). He never seemed to ask to meet and I figured he was just...
A. 12 May 2017: You were damn right in saying no to meeting up for the first time a stranger at his house ! He has some nerve in proposing that , it 's very inappropriate and pushy, and it would make uncomfortable even a non-anxious self confident girl . It's ... (read in full...)
Do you think he'll ever be open to friendship with me? Two weeks after dumping me he was back on dating sites.
Q. Hello, I am hoping for some advice and help to make sense of a situation I am in. Was together with a man for 9 months. He lived about 90 minutes away, and for various work and child matters we saw each other from Friday through till Sunday ever ...
A. 10 May 2017: I agree with N91 : why horrid ?
YOU told him that you needed to go no contact in order to heal, because you are not at the same place he is . He said : agreed. End of story.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
If right after your ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on a 16 year old. And I'm 18
Q. Now before i start 1. Please do not be too hard on me and 2. i am 18 now i got that off my chest let's get to the point: Okay i will admit i have multiple crushes at my school but there is one that makes me feel dirty. That crush is on a girl two...
A. 10 May 2017: Yes, it is totally normal for an 18 y.o. boy to be attracted to a 16 y.o. girl. Biology dies not care about
" politically correct ". As a young man, you are wired to be attracted to young, yet post- puberal, sexually developed, women. No big surp... (read in full...)
Why would my ex male friend partially ghost me instead of going to complete NO Contact? How do I end this madness?
Q. First he tried to ease me into a FWB, after agreeing to friendship. We spoke, text and video chatted practically everyday. We did have sex twice. He wanted to continue to have sex as an FWB. I informed him recently that I was not FWB material. I ...
A. 10 May 2017: By blocking him, colour him gone, and moving on.
He is simply tryng his luck again, without much intention or determination, though.
It's a " just in case " kind of thing.
After all, how much effort do you think it costs a person to forward ... (read in full...)
Are we really just friends with benefits?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been friends with this man since college and when we met he told my friends there was "something different about her" and was very into me. I was into him also but because he dated someone I knew we flirted a lot but it never ...
A. 8 May 2017: No, it's not because he has got mommy issues or emotional issues. At least, not that we can see that based on what you write.
It's because - as banal as it sounds - he's just not that into you. He is into you... to a point. He likes spending occa... (read in full...)
What do you do when your bridal party and family cannot get along while making plans for your wedding shower and bachelorette party?
Q. What do you do when your bridal party and family cannot get along while making plans for your wedding shower and bachelorette party? I have a Pinterest board setup and shared it with my bridal party and they are having opposing views on what they ...
A. 3 May 2017: It depends.
If you , or your parents , will be shouldering all the costs, - iron fist. Remind everybody, as kindly as possibly yer firmly, that wedding planning is not a democratic endeavour; it's an authocratic act. You rule- it's your wedd... (read in full...)
We would love to have a child but I worry I am too old!
Q. Hello, My partner and I have been together for two years now and we have both been married before. We would like to have a child together but I am worried about my age. I have just turned 39 and I worry that is too old. My partner is 42 and he is ...
A. 3 May 2017: I confirm what Honeypie says.
In Italy , more babies are born from women between 35 and 44 ( 49% ) than from women 25 to 35 ( 47 % ). Considering that there is also a small, but not infinitesimal, percentage of women having kids OVER 44, this mean... (read in full...)
Confusedabout my feelings
Q. I apologise this is very long! Around 4 years ago i met this man online. We eventually met up and went for a meal, (i need to mention i was in a bad place back then and very insecure) he was a bit of a d***. He said i had bad table manners, asked if ...
A. 2 May 2017: No no no, -he does not want to date you, he wants to f..k . That's why he bothered to be apologetic- which did not prevent him from being very forward sexually basically the moment you " reconnected ".
You are right to be weary- how he acted in t... (read in full...)
Do you think a relationship can form out of our FWB situation?
Q. Hi Im in a fwb setup with a friend for the past one year.he ended the setup twice in this year for a couple of months and now it started again. Recently he had brought up the topic of where i saw myself 5 years from now..been cuddling after th...
A. 21 April 2017: Yeah,...but that's bullshit. True, tried and time-honoured. It's code for " I don't want a relationship - with you ". He keeps telling you that you are a great girl, BUT... And you keep hearing that you are a great girl- and conveniently ignoring ... (read in full...)
Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?
Q. I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...
A. 20 April 2017: Dead women cannot have children. Ever thought about that ?
... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I don't feel anything for him after losing my virginity to him?
Q. Hi I'm 17, soon to be 18, and a few weeks ago i lost my virginity. Me and this guy have known each other for some time over a year and have been good friends ever since. Although we've been just friends there's been this kind of sexual tension (for ...
A. 19 April 2017: No it's not weird at all.
It's a dick, not a magic wand. It can't make you fall in love at first contact.
As you notice yourself, there are plenty of girls who have their first time with some stranger on a drunken night out. Or yielding to peer ... (read in full...)
I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels
Q. I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...
A. 16 April 2017: I don't know if he will stay or leave, but if he leaves IMO he would be fully justified.
I don't think at all that " if he really loves you he will come around , and if he does not , then it means that he does not love you enough ". This is t... (read in full...)
Can this very complex relationship work?
Q. Ok so to start with I'm in a fairly new relationship with a girl who I do care quite a lot for and I feel this relationship is worth persevering with. When we are together things are really great. Since the beginning we seem to be very comforta...
A. 16 April 2017: Much depends from what " fairly new " means . Like, 6 momths ? less ?...
If in this short time you have managed to meet her, pursue her, go live together, then go back, start the LDR , just to see issues cropping up - well.... - ever... (read in full...)
I have my ex husband's last name. My current boyfriend wants me to change back to my maiden name. Should I?
Q. My boyfriend does not like that I have kept the surname of my ex husband. It is just easier as my child's last name would be the same as mine. My boyfriend said it does not matter if my child's last name is different from his mother. I ...
A. 15 April 2017: I think you answered your own question :
" I am happy with my name as is and I feel no need to change it ".
Well, of course all of us every now and then do things which we do not particularly like,in order to appease a loved one, but in this ... (read in full...)
Husband comes home drunk with his underwear inside out and stained. Is he cheating?
Q. Yesterday my husband came late from work again. This time it was far worst than the last time ... He works at a restaurant , he is a waiter. Three weeks ago he came home 6 hours later after leaving the workplace, He doesn't use a cellphone since he ...
A. 15 April 2017: Jeez, this post almost made me queasy. OP, you sure can call a spade a spade- and this is exactly what makes me think that you are a troll, because we have had many posters describing very intimate, delicate, unusual situations , but they ... (read in full...)
Should I message him just one more time?
Q. I went on a date with a guy who i really fancy ( i had already met him before so not a stranger ) He also said i was better than he thought . I left him a message on the dating site we are on saying if he wants to meet up again to contact me, ...
A. 15 April 2017: Then take your cue from your own personal experience, beside from common sense , logic and spirit of observation.
If they leave you in a limbo - they are not that into you to begin with. If they were very interested they'll make it known loud... (read in full...)
Was sending that message to my BF the best option? Or did I just stoke the fire more?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and have been friends for years before that. One thing I know about him is that when he gets upset he doesn't want to talk right away so when I know he's upset I'll just leave him alone until he's ...
A. 15 April 2017: Interesting... Maybe he did fall asleep. Or maybe he did not. Anyway , the point is not if he slept or not.
The point is that, when you could not reach him at once, you did not calmly say to yourself " Oh he must have fallen asleep then, or got ... (read in full...)
Can this very complex relationship work?
Q. Ok so to start with I'm in a fairly new relationship with a girl who I do care quite a lot for and I feel this relationship is worth persevering with. When we are together things are really great. Since the beginning we seem to be very comforta...
A. 15 April 2017: No.
Moving to be with a long distance love interest is always a leap of faith. Not only because you do not know the person that much ( phone calls and texts are not the same as spending plenty of time together , in person ) but also beca... (read in full...)
Was sending that message to my BF the best option? Or did I just stoke the fire more?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and have been friends for years before that. One thing I know about him is that when he gets upset he doesn't want to talk right away so when I know he's upset I'll just leave him alone until he's ...
A. 14 April 2017: ..If he gets upset so easily, I doubt he is cut out for the military . Then again, who knows, maybe the army is in fact just the right place to disabuse him of the notion that the world revolves around him and his tender sensitivities.
If the ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a man to have a friend with benefits he isn't attracted to?
Q. I met a fellow on a dating site a few months ago with the mutually-agreed-on purpose of only having sex. Since then, we've continued to hook up, but it's been happening less and less - from several times a week to once every 1-2 weeks - although he ...
A. 14 April 2017: You know, I think there IS.
It's a myth that only men can keep sex and love separated. Women do it too.
True, less than men , maybe because of a biological thing, women's bodies produce 8 times more oxytocin ( the bonding hormone ) than men... (read in full...)
Am I selfish and bad to be feeling so disappointed that he reneged on his original decision to aim to propose to me soon?
Q. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married for a while, and a few months back he told me when he'd hope to propose. I was getting very excited. That time-frame hasn't happened yet, however now he is saying he simply cannot afford the ring...
A. 14 April 2017: This would be easily fixable , though.
Tell him that you care much more about getting engaged and making your committment official, just as per agreed upon plans, than about the bling bling; and that you'll be more than happy to accept a more... (read in full...)
Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?
Q. I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...
A. 14 April 2017: Of course you know what to do ! There's no way that you cannot know it.
If you worked in a workplace where there are good chances that when you show up , your boss or coworkers will punch you, crack your ribs, physically hurt you ... would you ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals in a FWB
Q. Currently in a 4 month fwb with a guy who has been divorced twice. We are both in our 50's age wise. I originally agreed to this fwb, because I am in the process of moving to his town (decision to move to that town was made before I met my FWB)and ...
A. 14 April 2017: Maybe. Bit also maybe ( probably ! )not .
FWB is not exact science, it's a mode of human interaction which allows for variations in individual behaviours.
It's a fallacy , therefore, that FBWs MUST just be about
sterile, mechanical e... (read in full...)
My husband and his co-worker have feelings for each other. What should I do?
Q. Let me start from the beginning if I may. About 2 weeks ago my husband said one of his supervisors at the factory where he works 3rd shift came up to him while he was loading a truck and harassed him about being too close to a girl who has a bad re...
A. 13 April 2017: I agree with the other ladies. Your husband is downright cruel, and if this is the man he is, you are not losing much, in fact he is doing you a favour. Let Miss 90 days have him.
This stupid 90 days probation rule is her, or his idea, not your... (read in full...)
When is it ok to have "the talk" or expect to be exclusive ?
Q. Hi all .. How soon is too soon to expect a guy to commit when it's a long distance relationship? You know us women are always being told not to "scare" me away by putting too much pressure on them. I've been dating a man long distance since N...
A. 13 April 2017: Just out of interest , ( and maybe it is a dumb question, I know ) but what does " I am backing off " mean ?
That you are not going to see him anymore and he is history, , or that now you know where you are at , and you do not expect being excl... (read in full...)
My unidentified online friend has reappeared on line. It is him. Should I reveal who I am to him?
Q. Hi I have a difficult situation. A year ago I met a guy online. All was good but then he stopped texting. Last month we matched on a different website. Neither of us have a photo up. From what he has told me I know this guy is the one who I m...
A. 13 April 2017: I agree with N91.
Sure, try your luck- after all, the very worst that can happen is just... that he is not interested, which would leave you not worse than you are now, since you haven't even even seen or met each other ; in fact it woul... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a man to have a friend with benefits he isn't attracted to?
Q. I met a fellow on a dating site a few months ago with the mutually-agreed-on purpose of only having sex. Since then, we've continued to hook up, but it's been happening less and less - from several times a week to once every 1-2 weeks - although he ...
A. 12 April 2017: I think the most probable answer is that he is / was °somewhat ° attracted to you.
I.e. : since surely he did not get himself an FWB because of doctors 's orders, he would not have had sex with you numerous times if he had not felt reas... (read in full...)
Trying to avoid attending a work function. What are some good excuses I could use?
Q. I've been asked to go to a work meeting that I really want to avoid. The meeting is a 3 hour train ride from where I live so I would have to leave very early and get home late. I don't have any children or pets that I can use as an excuse. Are ther...
A. 11 April 2017: Do you need to give an excuse ?
I mean, if this meeting is something that is mandatory ,like ,included in your job description and duties , or at least something that it would be reasonably expected from you to attend in order to keep your work... (read in full...)
Dating tips sought, please? Any tips on forgetting about the ex? How to chat up a girl?
Q. Hi guys, I'm having a real hard time at the moment trying to get back out into the world of dating. I've recently finally ended a VERY on/off relationship and I'm trying to put myself back out there to get over it as soon as possible. The...
A. 11 April 2017: Where's the fire ? Why such a hurry ?
You said that you ended things with this girl recently, and recently is they key word. Maybe the up and downs have left you a bit battered, you have been put through the wringer emotionally , and now you need... (read in full...)
Mixed signals in a FWB
Q. Currently in a 4 month fwb with a guy who has been divorced twice. We are both in our 50's age wise. I originally agreed to this fwb, because I am in the process of moving to his town (decision to move to that town was made before I met my FWB)and ...
A. 10 April 2017: Well, if he °accused ° you of having strong emotional feelings for him, ( as in : it's wrong , it's something you should not do ), and accused you of not playing fairly as a friend ( which I am not sure what it means exactly, anyway something ... (read in full...)
Why show the picture, to show me she looked like that porn star?
Q. Why would my guy show me a picture of a porn star and say, "before I knew you, a woman who looked exactly like this asked me out" ? Is he trying to make me feel insecure or point out that, "hey look I can get a woman sexier than you" ? What's hi...
A. 10 April 2017: Honeypie and YouWish had me in stitches, these ladies are EVIL. Particularly YouWish who, I think ?, sings or used to sing in a church choir. YouWish, WHAT do they teach you at choir rehearsals ,LOL.
Anyway, I concur , I'd chalk it up to HIS inse... (read in full...)
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